Did you care to the last time it happened? no one wants to get into a situation like that.
Saying you don't want it has nothing to do with how you all of a sudden end up in it without realizing it got there. Address what's going on that is looking for resolution in these types of situations.
I got into these situations because I wanted to give this connection a chance, I didn't want to be bitter so I opened my mind to it. I thought if I went into this I would be moving on from the past and healing, only to end up in the same situation again.
a) No you don't
b) Any of these dynamics involve two people. If YOU are a different person the next time, the outcome will be different.
It's simple maths to me, the result has been the same every time. I will be very different moving forward, less nice, more ice.
a) There is an entire universe of middle ground between "i'm just going to be totally vulnerable with no discernment" and "ice cold"
I know it's not black and white but in my experience any amount of vulnerability has given them that much to mess with, I can't really afford to show any at all. It's like any amount that I show, I've already fucked up.
b) If you are not interacting from an emotionally charged place, you are perfectly capable of discerning whom it is wise to have more than just surface level connections with. This goes for areas other than just romantic/sexual.
I've concluded it's not wise to have anything above surface level connections with any romantic/sexual partner moving forward, going beyond that is what's gotten me into the same situation. I know how this applies to other situations and I'm fine on those, it's just this area that needs refinement.
c) Not everyone is interested in 'messing with' someone there is a connection with. If that doesn't sound even plausible to you, then you will not be able to see it even when it is there.
It doesn't sound plausible at all because I've been messed with every single time so far. You know what happens right before that? I think 'oh she won't do that, she's cool, she's a good person' etc. then I let my guard down and bam, like clockwork they fuck me over.
a) It can't.
b) If it could, it wouldn't accomplish anything of value.
c) The very reasons it can't are the reasons attempting to do it by force will leak out into other behaviors.
Keeping that door closed is a preventative measure so they wouldn't accomplish what they would set out to do if I did let them in.
I recommend you take a moment to chill out, and observe that these types of reactions are just the other side of one larger pattern.
These "I'll cut it off the moment a girl talks about a relationship" -- "i'll never be open" -- "i'm going to get a vasectomy"
These are reactionary responses that like a rubber band will eventually snap into the other direction, then some shit will happen, then this time for sure I will NEVER EVEN TALK TO A GIRL AGAIN, etc.
I can still talk to them etc., I just can't let them in. Why in the hell would I want to put myself in that situation again? There's not one woman now who can convince me she's different, I've learned my lesson.
When I staunchly refused to get into a relationship with my ex, she was encouraging me to open my mind and not let past experiences dictate my attitude towards relationships, then I did and guess what? she goes and does the same shit then other ones did and now I'm here again. You see this is why I can't get close anymore, it's going to happen every time, it's happened enough times.
This is why moving forward my terms will be iron clad and there is no room for negotiation. If they don't like it they can fuck off.