Natural Freedom

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 27, 2017 11:27 pm 
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This is something that I only realized after the fact and sort of slowly came to me as I questioned why the experience disappeared at first but then returned in a much more subtle way.

This year I have really been cultivating and cementing the "pimp tight' mindset. Starting this year I would be around certain women, I would run into a couple/few per week that I had an insane attraction to. There was no rhyme or reason for it in terms of running into women that I believed were "my type". I would run into a woman that was attractive but maybe only a 6 while meanwhile there is another woman that is objectively an 8.5, however the 6 would have me feeling this tingling sensation that was mostly concentrated in my dick and my core, and then shooting through the rest of my body more subtly the further out it spread. When we had each others attention, it became very clear that the woman could feel the same exact thing I was feeling and that their was a mutual attraction. I had always heard women were more sensitive than men, but these sensations of attraction that I would have were incredibly powerful and strong to the point it made it hard to concentrate on things other than just the pure feeling I would feel. I would wonder....if I feel the attraction this strong, how much stronger does it feel for this woman. It almost seemed impossible that it could really feel stronger for her than what I was feeling because the sensations were quite intense. I could see women squirming/enjoying these sensations the same as I was, I was able to keep my composure better than they were but only somewhat. I'm sure many of the women were able to see that I was somewhat uncomfortably enjoying this with her.

Around the beginning of June something happened, it started amping up. Not so much the sensations themselves in terms of intensity but in terms of frequency, I would run into several women everyday that I shared this mutual attraction with that conjured up very intense sensations in my body. Leading up to this I had been confronting my demons more, letting go of old conditioning, and shifting my mindset. As I did this it became more amusing to watch these women squirm than it did to sit in the desire I felt and and remain identified with feeling as tho...."I need to fulfill this desire". My mindset shifted to enjoying the shared sensations I could feel with this woman and enjoying her squirm more than I enjoyed the idea of fulfilling the desire. All of June was like this with me slowly shifting my mindset from, I need to fuck this girl I feel this attraction for....to....look how bad she wants to fuck, maybe she'll get lucky and I'll let her. 5-6 weeks later as I was shifting into this new mindset something happened, it just stopped. The sensations/attraction I would feel around specific women every time I saw them disappeared. I was no longer feeling it around any women but there was very specific ones that I felt it around every time and now I never felt it around any of them. At first I couldn't believe I lost it, it sort of came out of nowhere and disappeared into nowhere, but all I was left with was my usual mental attraction....thinking some girl is hot bc of X,Y,Z rather than just seeing a woman and feeling attracted to her in my body without having a specific reason. I preferred the latter but it was seemingly gone.

It wasn't just attraction with women that I felt stronger tho, it was all emotions really. I play poker a lot so I'm very used to sitting in high levels of tension with people and being comfortable with it. Also I notice that the majority of people will mostly avoid eye contact. When eye contact was made often I would feel an intense wave of fear or anxiety in my gut followed by them breaking the tension by breaking eye contact or releasing it with a facial or body tick. I was comfortable feeling this anxiety or fear so I would drop it immediately realizing it wasn't mine to begin with but I could see they still felt it even after releasing it physically it was still there. Something else I noticed was if a hand played out sort of funny I would see that person involved looking to me to see what my reaction to it was. Most of the people I interacted with seemed to be reacting to me while I just stayed in my own element. I would occasionally run into someone that could pull me out of my element and have me seeking approval from them the way I saw people looking for my approval. All of this was very obv and overt to me. This also disappeared in terms of the intensity to which I experienced it.

I spent the next 3-4 weeks feeling a pretty lost in my journey of life and feeling fairly sad and what most people would call depressed. I had gone through a lot of stuff mentally and emotionally leading up to this and now I spent the next 3-4 weeks mostly staying home, sleeping a lot, meditating a lot, smoking weed a lot, and watching TV about 20x more than normal. Something shifted for me here too. I began to be more accepting of all these things. I felt content feeling this way. I chose to take time to myself and watch my pain come up. I watched how I would smoke weed or eat a bunch of sugar or binge on TV and I would also meditate and look at what I was avoiding, look at what I was scared to look at much of the time. The deeper into it I went the more subtle any pain got and it would shift into this subtle pleasure, like something that catches you off guard at first in a surprising way but then as you put your full attention on it you realize you enjoy it.

Something has happened from here with women I've been interacting with where there is an attraction. All those pleasurable sensations came back but they are much more subtle. It's just like going into my pain deeper. I see a woman and I feel the energy inside me shift. Before I would have described it as uncomfortable or fear/pain. Now I just feel it as a shift inside me that happens and accept it for what it is and then it pretty quickly moves into subtle feelings of pleasure in my body. I can tell we both feel the same thing by the way we're responding to each other without even saying anything.

I had the feeling that my 5-6 weeks of experiencing intense sensations rather than the more subtle ones I now feel is the intensity of feelings that women feel all the time. I feel like I was basically given an experience of feeling to that intensity to know just how strong their emotions are pulling them and also to wake me up to what they felt like in me so that I could notice them subtly which I wasn't able to do before to the level I am now. It's been my experience that when we are transcending our emotional conditioning that we feel the experience intensified so that when it happens again we just feel a subtle form of it and recognize it for what it is and immediately let go and go back into our natural state of peace.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 10:16 am 
luciddream wrote:
The deeper into it I went the more subtle any pain got and it would shift into this subtle pleasure, like something that catches you off guard at first in a surprising way but then as you put your full attention on it you realize you enjoy it.
This is huge. Actually almost all music listened in turkey is targeted to males and is aimed to exploit this male feature.
Here an example of such a song:
http://lyricstranslate.com/tr/yemin-ett ... sworn.html
It becomes like a addiction where you cant let go of the pain because you get so much pleasure out of it..
luciddream wrote:
It's been my experience that when we are transcending our emotional conditioning that we feel the experience intensified so that when it happens again we just feel a subtle form of it and recognize it for what it is and immediately let go and go back into our natural state of peace.
Excellent!


I hope i will read another fine field report from you but this time with title:
"A month as a man(how 10s chase me and my wild 3somes)"
;)


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 2:52 pm 
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luciddream wrote:
Most of the people I interacted with seemed to be reacting to me while I just stayed in my own element.
luciddream wrote:
I would occasionally run into someone that could pull me out of my element and have me seeking approval from them the way I saw people looking for my approval. All of this was very obv and overt to me. This also disappeared in terms of the intensity to which I experienced it.
This is big, to be aware of this and watch it happen around you.
luciddream wrote:
The deeper into it I went the more subtle any pain got and it would shift into this subtle pleasure, like something that catches you off guard at first in a surprising way but then as you put your full attention on it you realize you enjoy it.
At first, you are not used to it... Time tempers your reaction, depending on how you choose to react.
luciddream wrote:
All those pleasurable sensations came back but they are much more subtle. It's just like going into my pain deeper. I see a woman and I feel the energy inside me shift. Before I would have described it as uncomfortable or fear/pain. Now I just feel it as a shift inside me that happens and accept it for what it is and then it pretty quickly moves into subtle feelings of pleasure in my body. I can tell we both feel the same thing by the way we're responding to each other without even saying anything.
To me, this is as you become more aware and 'allow' it to happen, rather than going against it or forcing it.. Once you release into it, it becomes something you can experience.
luciddream wrote:
It's been my experience that when we are transcending our emotional conditioning that we feel the experience intensified so that when it happens again we just feel a subtle form of it and recognize it for what it is and immediately let go and go back into our natural state of peace.
I would add that it is part of getting used to something new and calibrating to it.

Most enlightening and enjoyable post Luciddream

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:09 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:11 am
Posts: 778
Classic example (though the specifics are always different and fascinating) of something that was suppressed being freed up and then integrating.

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http://www.innerreconciliation.com


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