Been with this girl nigh on 10 months. I'm turning 32, her 28. We've never really discussed the future per se, but she sure as anything implied that she wants L/T. She's a good girl, shows a lot of love and commitment toward me. I have imagined the possibility of raising a child or two with her and always felt as though it was be a positive thing.
Anyway, a few weeks ago she rang me to say she had tested positive. I asked her what she wanted to do and her answer couldn't have been clearer; she wanted to terminate. Her main reasoning was that she felt she was in no financial state and didn't want to raise a child in a 'miserable' environment, which is a little insulting
She may aswell have said 'YOU' are in no financial state, despite me being in a comfortable and stable job with a company who want me to progress even further up the chain.
I composed myself enough to reply that it was her decision and that I respect it. I didn't like her choice(I'm not a pro-lifer, but there is a huge part of me which feels the unfairness of terminating a potential life because their parents were not responsible), but I chose to respect it. I kept my feelings to myself and went with her decision, giving her unconditional support - after all, I would never wish to raise a child with someone who was so clear that they didn't want and would make no attempt to persuade them. So we split the cost(her suggestion) and it went ahead. I looked after her pretty damn well.
Three weeks later and I'm struggling with what this all means. I'm trying to separate emotion and logic, trying to determine positive reasons for her choice, but this situation has raised some alarm bells. Whilst it's good of her not to baby-trap me, I now question whether the relationship has a future; whether she actually wants a family with me(seems not), if her love is true and how she perceives me and this relationship. What is the mirror showing me here. I feel pretty detached from her right now, not really wanting to see or communicate with her. It feels hard to do this with a Woman who aborts your baby. My instinct is telling me that if there isn't a truly solid reason(age, being in education, being on the poverty line etc etc), then a Woman who aborts your child is not going to be a long term partner. Her choice feels totally separate from me, know what I mean? I now know what guys mean when they say they're just a sperm donor.
To summarise, I am at peace with her choice but not with the relationship as a result of the choice.