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 Post subject: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 7:28 pm 
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With lots of blocks related to having sex and relationships overall, I went on with direct investigation of the issues - Triggering myself using imagination and then looking into the reactions triggered to see the real reason for the trigger - because when the real reason is seen, the trigger is dissolved and so are the triggered emotions - the belief.

I saw then that I am actually looking for something else, that there are deeper beliefs - for something I am trying to get or protect myself from when being triggered by situations - and I am now looking for those.
These have been conquering my life, the whole time.. Or at least from their origin, which can be long time ago (These beliefs tend to be short simple sentences, so it could have been early childhood)

The issues seems to be oriented about fear of death or fear of nonexistence, but I think they are formulated differently - I'm pretty sure they are formulated in some kind of primal wants regarding survival or approval, losing things, etc.. That naturaly there is no fear of death.

I'm also wondering sometimes, what will be left after all these things are gone.. What will I do, what will I want, what will my life be about, what will I be interested in..


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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 7:37 pm 
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I'm also wondering sometimes, what will be left after all these things are gone.. What will I do, what will I want, what will my life be about, what will I be interested in..


Start wondering less and start living more...you won't know until you get there. :ugeek:

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 7:47 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:

Start wondering less and start living more...you won't know until you get there. :ugeek:


Yes. I was thinking that maybe I spend too much time on inner work and did not go in "out in the real world" enough
I don't really go for oppurtunities with females because
1.) I Feel they are not much interested
2.) I know it would be a fiasco, because of my immense blocks and resistances to having sex with most of them

But also, they may be disinterested because of mirroring of my decision not to engage..

I also have immense blocks to let myself enjoy some things and also to relax and "waste time".. I am also having problems differenciating sometimes what is an issue and what is only natural disinterest/reaction sometimes. I use my best judgment in those situations

Always something to chew on.. Otherwise I'd be englightened already :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:03 pm 
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"There is no HOW in enjoying yourself."
8-)

in case you missed it.

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 9:11 pm 
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Have you considered that getting rid of these blocks would mean there's no reason to point to as to why you are not content? It wouldn't be about "them" and you, the victim to these blocks, but you alone.

Or is it like that already?

Also, I've found that releasing with the intention of releasing doesn't really work. The demons/blocks/etc. are basically a voice that is trying to honestly help you out, but one that has been shunned and neglected. Give it space to breathe and let it do it's thing, and listen to it just to listen to it, not to hope that it goes away at some point. It's causing problems because you're resisting it, not because of the "block" itself.

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 9:21 pm 
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fufe wrote:
With lots of blocks related to having sex and relationships overall, I went on with direct investigation of the issues - Triggering myself using imagination and then looking into the reactions triggered to see the real reason for the trigger - because when the real reason is seen, the trigger is dissolved and so are the triggered emotions - the belief.

I saw then that I am actually looking for something else, that there are deeper beliefs - for something I am trying to get or protect myself from when being triggered by situations - and I am now looking for those.
These have been conquering my life, the whole time.. Or at least from their origin, which can be long time ago (These beliefs tend to be short simple sentences, so it could have been early childhood)

The issues seems to be oriented about fear of death or fear of nonexistence, but I think they are formulated differently - I'm pretty sure they are formulated in some kind of primal wants regarding survival or approval, losing things, etc.. That naturaly there is no fear of death.

I'm also wondering sometimes, what will be left after all these things are gone.. What will I do, what will I want, what will my life be about, what will I be interested in..


I've read the books of some author that goes by the name of Jed, like a LOT. He talks in his first book about this, he says that this is the only fear which exists in us, the mother of all fears: the fear of no self.
What you are saying relates to a distinction he makes in a human developmental sense, touched briefly in his second book, and expanded in the third and also the notebook: Being (becoming) an human adult being -what is offered in this forums- via: instrospection and smashing through layers of ego and demon befriending/slaying but maintaining the important beliefs that define a self without limiting it, vs being "no-one" or (satoried) non-self, and dropping all ego whatsoever, all the good and bad. And that is what you are wondering in your last paragraph. But judging on your writing, what you really want is being awake in the "lucid dream" (reality), a human adult, this by Mr. Mckenna terms.

Kidd!! is pointing in the right direction (as allways)

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“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”


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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 10:07 pm 
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Place TOTAL LIVING before intellectual gymnastics.

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 10:30 pm 
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Quote:
Have you considered that getting rid of these blocks would mean there's no reason to point to as to why you are not content? It wouldn't be about "them" and you, the victim to these blocks, but you alone.

I am content, but I want sex (and also something else I'm believing I will get if I fulfill xyz, which si not going to happen obviously). And these issues are not letting me have it without pushing myself hardly and suffering along the way
It's completely unnecesarry and I want to get it out of the way...

Quote:
Also, I've found that releasing with the intention of releasing doesn't really work. The demons/blocks/etc. are basically a voice that is trying to honestly help you out, but one that has been shunned and neglected. Give it space to breathe and let it do it's thing, and listen to it just to listen to it, not to hope that it goes away at some point. It's causing problems because you're resisting it, not because of the "block" itself.

Depends.. I have regular sucess with the intention to go and solve issues and I also have some sucess with just projecting felt issues into a thought image of myself and feeling them - I'm not sure which projection works, I tried few of them and something seemed to have processed one issue, but I'm not able to recreate the process..
I think I have big restraint when it comes to expressing "unwanted" emotions even to myself, hence the unability to release by "just allowing". I simply cannot allow, because my beliefs won't allow me to, or so it seems.
But you are right by any means, and I've been trying to do this for some time with them. I am just confused because it doesn't seem like a solid process I can use over and over.. The ballsproject "just allow it dude" approach doesn't work for me, I am more of a "go and make it happen" kind of guy, for now

Dali wrote:
I've read the books of some author that goes by the name of Jed, like a LOT. He talks in his first book about this, he says that this is the only fear which exists in us, the mother of all fears: the fear of no self.
What you are saying relates to a distinction he makes in a human developmental sense, touched briefly in his second book, and expanded in the third and also the notebook: Being (becoming) an human adult being -what is offered in this forums- via: instrospection and smashing through layers of ego and demon befriending/slaying but maintaining the important beliefs that define a self without limiting it, vs being "no-one" or (satoried) non-self, and dropping all ego whatsoever, all the good and bad. And that is what you are wondering in your last paragraph. But judging on your writing, what you really want is being awake in the "lucid dream" (reality), a human adult, this by Mr. Mckenna terms.

Kidd!! is pointing in the right direction (as allways)


Ah, McKenna

There is no self, I know that.. Not that "I" literally knows that, just trying to get the point over :lol:

But after seeing no-self, your problems don't go away. For some reason there is still the impulse to get over them and enjoy things that I think I'm going to get

But I'm going to take this into account, maybe I haven't seen through the illusion of self even though I feel like I did


I also wanna say, that by all means I've been become more happier. I am triggered by lot of things lately, some very challenging, but inside I am a lot happier..

Quote:
Place TOTAL LIVING before intellectual gymnastics.


:mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 12:26 am 
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"Inner work" and living life cannot be separated, categorizing things that way is a form of protection.

"allowing" emotions and direct engagement can also not be separated, anymore than taking the release valve off of a giant hose doesn't have a physical effect. Quite the opposite.

These false separations create a specific structure. One that allows for a sense of inner progress, some of which is real but tightly controlled, much of it is reframing gymnastics, without a lot of things actually changing in life because that would destabilize things.

This categorization and separation takes everything, no matter what it is, and puts it into a box and keeps it contained, from the simplest to most esoteric. Zen 101. Reduces everything into a cold label and thinks it 'knows' it. There is a lot of identity and a sense of uniqueness / specialness in it that's been brought up before, as that is literally the function of the ego. This process does this which isn't for me, these guys think like this which isn't for me. Beliefs are this, they change like this, they are the reason I'm not having sex. The BP is 'just allow it dude' which is downright comical if you were to look at all the conversations with you there- but that is the purpose of the boxes, to put entire universes of nuance into one concept where it can be easily dismissed. It thinks in these terms, rather than seeing it all as one big picture. This entire process itself is all designed to sustain an identity that is familiar and safe, even if uncomfortable.

The guy who is working on his problems is one of the most seductive identities. It can be rather useful up to a certain point. The problem is that it depends on solving problems, and thus will always make sure enough of them remain to keep itself alive and busy. To even approach the surface of this is where those trump cards are pulled out "who will you be without this" - while we could tell you the real answer is "free" - the reality of that is completely unknown and often quite terrifying.

Sit down to do some inner work on yourself and notice how tightly you label it, make it this specific process to do xyz, how much your mind is actually involved. It will be a challenge at first for you to relax this. Even if you are doing something very intense and focused, if you relax this, you will begin to see that none of this stuff can actually be separated. anymore than 'breathing' and 'exercising' could happen without the other. That it is ALL accurate, even the stuff that seems to contradict the other stuff, because it serves a particular function. What your kidneys are doing and what your shoulder blades are doing operate on an entirely different set of rules. Stop looking for the silver bullet in one function and start to see how the whole mechanism operates.

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 1:18 am 
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Yeah...you gotta multitask that shit. :geek:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:


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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Thu Dec 24, 2015 9:14 am 
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Quote:
"You need not add to your already complete true self
and cannot add to a non-existent false self. So why not relax?
"
---Vernon Howard

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 10:50 am 
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fufe wrote:
I'm also wondering sometimes, what will be left after all these things are gone.. What will I do, what will I want, what will my life be about, what will I be interested in..


Is this fear?

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 4:10 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
fufe wrote:
I'm also wondering sometimes, what will be left after all these things are gone.. What will I do, what will I want, what will my life be about, what will I be interested in..


Is this fear?


Is this survival? :idea:

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2015 3:12 pm 
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That is the doorway to the death of the guy who has his problems that he is trying to fix.

Working on your issues always hits a wall, but it prepares you to reach the door.

Enlightenment has nothing to do with fixing his problems. You are not him, you will begin to see how he is being constantly created in order to explain an experience. He never really dies because he was never actually a real solid thing.

"Nirvana: literally means "blown out", as in a candle.[3] It is most commonly associated with Buddhism.[web 1][4]"

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2015 8:35 pm 
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Also Fufe there are things in the area of self-inquiry and 'direct path' exercises that are very effective in terms of being repeatable, consistent things you can do over and over again.

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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:10 pm 
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Funny how I missed this

Flow83 wrote:
Also Fufe there are things in the area of self-inquiry and 'direct path' exercises that are very effective in terms of being repeatable, consistent things you can do over and over again.


What are those ? I Think I am finally ready


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 Post subject: Re: Current overview
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:24 pm 
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I'm currently thinking about 2 options

1.) I Discovered someone I really like and I am also physically attracted to a lot (Her physique is almost perfect, I never experienced reactions like I have to her), but I may get too comfortable, stop letting go of issues that prevent me from relating and having sex with other women and lose any other potencial options. With something going as easily as this is going, everything else seems like too much of a hassle.
2.) Choosing not to get together with her and continue working and letting go issues that prevent me from having sex and relating with other women, because the options that I may get after releasing the blocks may be better than something like the first option.

I am struggling with deciding what is the best opiton.. I could do both, but I don't know if I can do it.
But also I am thinking that by doing 1.) I feel like I'm losing something.. Which I feel is losing some kind of approval, one of the things I have to look at.
Also when imagining having sex or having relationships with other women I have tons of other issues like this. I can get them one by one, but this takes time

Also recent experience with a friend I accidentaly spent few hours with made me think - I enjoyed the experience and if her boyfriend wouldn't me my good friend, It could have ended differently, I had the feeling
I don't want to lose these opppurtunities when being in relationship. And when imagine doing something with option 1) it doesn't seem like it could happen like that. There are limiting beliefs.


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