Yes but i am wondering if i am going about things from a healthy place internally
Several months ago i had extreme insecurities about my body hair and for awhile shaved my arms.After many failed attempts of growing it out i have accepted it and actually embrace it.Went out to a bar few weeks ago and was shirtless.Hairy chest,hairy arms,Hairy back No shame.So now i want to tackle this.
When my hair started receding halfway back to my head, i started shaving it.I like the bald look,however i didn't like the combination of being naturally "thin and bald".Notice only the combination bothers me.thin and "full head of hair" no problem.
I know that one one hand it is socially conditioning to believe that one needs to look like vin diesel or the rock to pull off the bald look.But i don't aspire to be that muscular.Just bald and average-medium frame vs bald and thin.I don't know if this is healthy but this is the way i feel.I am technically still trying to "manipulate" a circumstance(hair loss) by adding another layer(weight lifting meatier neck/traps and shoulders)
However, if i don't do any shrugs/rows/lateral raises that put some meat on my upperbody area to conteract a thin and bald frame i feel ugly.My mind can't stop associating it with the images below as well as people who look similar when i see them in real life.To me they look like little bitches(i know this sounds negative but i want to put it out there so you guys can see what is going on internally)and sometimes when i see them i want to punch them in the face for looking bald and thin.
With my natural bodytype i would have this kind of frame with baldness and unlike these guys who didn't counteract their baldness by lifting weights i feel ugly "with a shaved head and being thin" and as a result of being bald going to the gym to avoid looking like these guys.Is this coming from a bad internal place?Note again thin frame and hair no problem.Making adjustments because of the hairloss(anti-bald and thin neck/narrow shoulder therapy going to the gym) that is what i am questioning.The underlying motivation behind it.Is this healthy
When i see these guys who are bald it makes me see ugliness in myself which is one of the main reasons why i go to the gym
http://www.moby.com/sites/default/files ... launch.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9xjf ... 1_1280.jpg
I was thinking of stopping lifting weights and forcing myself to lose muscles in my neck i have developed through months of shrugging/rowing .My traps would shrink after a couple weeks.Also stop doing lateral raises so my shoulders become naturally narrower.Then forcing myself to be thin and bald for a few months to see if over time i will become desensitized to the ugly feelings being thin and bald "triggers" seeing those images of the guys above.