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 Post subject: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:44 am 
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This is a long post about my upbringing and circumstances and how they shaped my views on sex.

I was raised by Korean parents. I don't know if you guys know this, but in Korea, sex is considered taboo. Premarital sex is frowned upon. The government even blocks access to porn sites. Since my parents grew up in Korea, they had this uptight perspective about sex, and I was raised to have the same views about it. Also, my parents are christians, so from an early age, I was required to attend church where I was further taught that sex is bad and that I have marry to have sex blah blah.

On top of that, I grew up in a suburban neighborhood in Los Angeles that is filled with conservative Asians. Most of my schoolmates were first or second generation Asians. I was surrounded by kids like me who were taught by their parents not to engage in premarital sex.

By the time I was in high school, I was totally brainwashed. I had no interest in pursuing girls to have sex, and a lot of the other Asian kids were in a similar position. Don't get me wrong. I was a horny teenager with raging hormones, so my libido was there. I just didn't consider premarital sex a possibility due to all that brainwashing. It didn't help that all my friends were Asian males who weren't getting laid. A lot of them ended up getting into relationships, but practically all of the ones that ended up with Asian girls (which was virtually all of them) remained virgins. There were some girls that had a crush on me, but unfortunately...they were all Asian! They would chase me, write me notes, and stuff like that, but none of them were down to fuck (or were they?)... No hints or mentions of wanting to fuck from any of these girls.

Besides thinking that premarital sex wasn't ok, I also came up with my own conclusions. I actually thought that people just didn't have much sex in general. I thought that people mainly had sex to make babies and rarely did it just to have fun (naive, I know :roll:). I think I came to this conclusion because my Asians friends and I never caught our parents having sex, and very few of the kids I knew were doing it. I knew that men weren't the problem. Men are horny and want to have sex. My male friends and I were proof of that, always talking about jacking off, hot girls, porn, and all that other perverted stuff that teenaged guys like to talk about. I started thinking that women were the problem. I socialized with Asian girls at my school as well as older Korean women, and it always seemed like they were so sexually dry. It was as if they had no desire to have sex. I started thinking that women just didn't have much interest in sex and that they didn't enjoy it.

My perspective about this remained the same until sometime in my second year in college. I found a facebook page where people from my school anonymously posted about their sexual encounters. So many people were posting nonstop about one night stands, friends with benefits, fucking their boyfriends/girlfriends, wanting to fuck this one guy or that one girl... Fucking. Blew. My. Fucking. Mind. My reality was completely shattered. This was happening all along, and I had no idea... I actually thought it was awesome, but I thought it sucked how I was sheltered from it for so long.

I was amused at first, but then I started getting frustrated. It seemed like everyone was getting laid, yet I still hadn't had a single opportunity. Eventually, I ended up finding this forum and started reading and posting here.

At this point, I hear about things regarding sex and women, and my life just shows me the contrary. People tell me, "Getting laid is easy", and life shows me that getting laid is hard. People say that women are sex fiends and want sex more than men, and life shows me that women aren't that interested in sex. It's like there's some funky law of attraction thing going on. I keep attracting the sexless life that I've always lived. I'm not going to lie, even though I am aware that women desire sex, I've latched onto this notion that Asian women are asexual because my experiences have shown me this. What sucks is that the majority of women that jock me are Asian...

And that's my life story regarding sex y'all.


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:15 pm 
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find;
"Caesar's Messiah: The Roman Conspiracy To Invent Jesus" 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2015 12:49 am 
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Posts: 106
Let it go. A woman has sex with a man when she wants to for whatever reason. That is how it happens, how is that hard? Women want to have sex but because of social pressure and biological reality they have to be selective. You say girls are choosing so you are being selected congrats, just lay out that contract, don't get baby trapped and let it happen.

P.s. How the hell are there 1.3 billion Chinese and overcrowding all across Asia (imo) if Asian women don't have sex?

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“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” — Marcus Aurelius


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:54 am 
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Jared wrote:
find;
"Caesar's Messiah: The Roman Conspiracy To Invent Jesus" 8-)

I thought the story of Jesus was derived from pagan myths.. I guess not.

caster wrote:
A woman has sex with a man when she wants to for whatever reason. That is how it happens, how is that hard?

Hard for me but not for most people.

caster wrote:
P.s. How the hell are there 1.3 billion Chinese and overcrowding all across Asia (imo) if Asian women don't have sex?

Lol I meant that they tend to be disinterested in sex, not that they don't have it.


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:24 pm 
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soupman wrote:
Hard for me but not for most people.



It isn't hard for you either. Like I said a woman has sex with you it because she wants to. That isn't anything YOU are doing or YOU are making happen. How can something someone else does be hard for you? Walk into a brothel with a fist full of dollars and then tell me hard it is. Let it go.

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:59 pm 
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It is about what is culturally/socially acceptable to express sexually. When you are in France it is a whole other animal, but that's not because French women are genetically more interested in sex and in those other cultures they are not.

This story is a golden illustration of how the mind works, creating a story to explain a deep emotional discomfort. Most of our views of the world are about this, some amazing scientific experiments/results on this, but ultimately the inner process of looking at this directly is where the gold is.

You have a deep, built in and powerful sexual drive and curiosity at that age which is healthy. You were trained that it was bad, wrong, probably coming from Satan etc. Whether or not you really buy that, it gets soaked up. This creates a huge amount of internal discomfort - I want something and I can't have it, in fact it is wrong to want it. The amount of emotional repression and creation of concepts in the mind this creates is amazing. It needs to create the story that noone is having sex, that Asian women don't like sex, because that puts a context around the discord. It minimizes the pain and at very least creates a context for it that deflects it off of yourself.

There's the self-help vibe of change your beliefs and drop it but to a huge part of you this is the most terrifying thing possible. If your entire defense mechanism is seen through then you are left with nothing but the direct confrontation of this feeling and everything going on there. At a certain level you are asking your world to fall apart. That's where you ultimately will have to go. For some this can just kind of happen and others it is a process. It is already clinging to a story about Asian women (who are the ones showing interest) being the problem. There's a ton going on there. It is not concerned with facts, just like any other person or energy who clings tightly to something, you can show empirical proof to the contrary and it will reject or in fact literally not see it due to the RAS depending on context.

This thing will defend itself to death. It is invested in this world view to protect this, and is not going to relax and no matter how much you want to get laid or think you want a different picture.

When you really see this a lot of things make sense, including the endless amount of bullshit arguing and blogging on the Internet about how awful men are or women are or why this group or idealogy is The correct one and so superior to all the others on the Internet.

What other people are saying or experience it doesn't matter as much as what is being reflected back to you in your own life. And you can choose to argue with it, or more usefully, and use it as a springboard to question your own assumptions.

As far as the social context stuff, it is *your* job to feel into the dynamic (observation and intuition) what is necessary to move things forward in a way where the person can feel safe and respecting whatever they need without feeling judged as being uptight, or anything similar. If you want a girl from this background to come up to you and say "let's fuck, my place, 8:30" forget about it. She has as much programming as you if not more and a higher risk of what will happen if she were to do that. She's not going to risk that for you. It is your job to be able to interpret what the subtext of what she is communicating to you is and, if you choose to do so, how to move it forward in a win/win way with class.

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 12:12 am 
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Location: Laniakea Supercluster
Quote:
"I like to tell stories that have beginnings, middles and ends."
---EricKripke

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 3:26 am 
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Haha. Even just seeing Jareds name next to a post I already know i will enjoy it.

Long response to that but couldn't resist.

By the way - those aren't your views on sex.

You haven't yet discovered what yours actually are.

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 8:59 am 
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Flow83 wrote:
Haha. Even just seeing Jareds name next to a post I already know i will enjoy it.



Thanks, I'll improve da grammar, avoiding negative language transfer,
shitloads of crosslinguistic influence :lol:

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"When values are clear, decisions are easy." ---Dan Peña


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 1:40 am 
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Quote:
First, you surrender stories; then you surrender paragraphs; then you surrender sentences -- you don't allow the sentence to even complete itself. If it is worthless, why complete the sentence? If your thoughts don't have any intrinsic value, if they just belong to the world and are not even yours to begin with (they are creations of the ego and the energy fields of the ego), then there is no point in perfecting them.
:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2016 7:46 pm 
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Would you enjoy abandoning a mother with a young baby and leaving them to fend for themselves?

If we are programmed (by nature) to spread our seed, even a fraction of the amount that we are told we are, then this if effectively what we would be doing. So perhaps, men are just as irresponsible as women after all.

Or perhaps were not programmed to be a horny as we think we are ( after all it doesn`t seem like were programmed to have as many children as many other species do even though we seem to live much longer than most of them) ......

"By the time I was in high school, I was totally brainwashed. I had no interest in pursuing girls to have sex" -- what exactly is wrong with not being obsessed with girls???

If his sex drive and sexual expression was being suppressed then he would still have an interest would he not?

If I wanted to control someone, I would`t do it by trying to free them from their desires. I would do by trying to exaggerate them and make them grow beyond all proportion.

" I found a facebook page where people from my school anonymously posted about their sexual encounters. So many people were posting nonstop about one night stands, friends with benefits, fucking their boyfriends/girlfriends, wanting to fuck this one guy or that one girl..." WOW OMG IM SO JEALOUS.. seriously guys do you really find this shit appealing??

Honestly, to me, it just seems sad. Really. Really. Sad. Looking back, every time I had a one night stand, every time anyone I know has one. I know its because they wanted to feel a little disgusted with themselves and mix their pleasure with their pain.

"People say that women are sex fiends and want sex more than men, and life shows me that women aren't that interested in sex." So while women show him interest and find him attractive " They would chase me, write me notes, and stuff like that, but none of them were down to fuck" they are not getting the vibe that he is going to sell himself cheap. Whats wrong with that?

Its only after he realises that everyone else is doing it (anonymously posted!) that he starts to become frustrated. Where do you think the brainwashing if coming from? the red pill people would say from the feminine imperative.

Before he was happy (albeit ignorant), now he`s turning into a pussy slave.


As someone who studies ancient history I really don`t recommend this:

Jared wrote:
find;
"Caesar's Messiah: The Roman Conspiracy To Invent Jesus" 8-)


Unless you really enjoy all the anti Christianity memes. But that`s a whole other matrix.

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We go away to find home, we make acquaintances to understand friends, we converse in order to enrich our conversation with ourselves. - Michael Oakeshott


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2016 7:51 pm 
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The problem I think there is with most people, is that they try to focus on finding out intelecually or by some (questionable) advice, what they should be feeling like, instead of finding out how are they feeling naturaly without bullshit..


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2016 7:55 pm 
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fufe wrote:
The problem I think there is with most people, is that they try to focus on finding out intelecually or by some (questionable) advice, what they should be feeling like, instead of finding out how are they feeling naturaly without bullshit..


Agreed!

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We go away to find home, we make acquaintances to understand friends, we converse in order to enrich our conversation with ourselves. - Michael Oakeshott


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 6:07 am 
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Agreed. It's the conflict that sucks. Your nature feels, well, natural.

Here are a few things I've found useful to be aware of:

- "suppression" can feel tense and like something is trying to get out, and this is how it is often interpreted. It can also feel like a total numbness or blankness towards something, a total emotional disconnection, to avoid whatever is there. It feels different than something you just naturally don't care about, like whether or not you missed last weeks episode of "dancing with the stars." It's not a light, free kind of disinterest. You may find your thoughts or body wandering towards a topic repeatedly while still feeling this distance.

You can be conditioned that to even FEEL or think a certain thing is bad and things will dissociate or shut down. In a meditative way you can catch this process and observe it happen.

- natural = up and down, in a flow, and not something with a fixed position on. Your hunger goes up and down in cycles, your energy level, levels of focus, periods of intensity, in short and bigger cycles. You don't see this as a problem, identify as a guy who has no hunger, etc. If you make big meaning out of sex desire/interest, see when it is low as some type of spiritual accomplishment and high as some kind of over attachment, it will suck. Pick something mundane like hunger and start focusing on it like you were on an obsessive diet and notice all the noise that starts and how quickly it can start to feel so serious. If the fluctuations (for anything) go from total dissociation for long periods of time to big bursts of total obsession, it's more of a buildup and eruption than a free flow. How you feel now is OK, and how you felt an hour ago is also OK.

- sex gets layered all sorts of other things on top of it like accomplishment, coolness, being part of what everyone is doing, etc. This too you can catch happen internally. You may notice that a huge percentage of what is upsetting has little to do with sex itself and your actual feelings/desires around it.

- Remember, if you were truly 100% brainwashed or programmed, you wouldn't even have an internal conflict. You'd just go on like a robot following the program without a problem. So if you feel something, you have the keys and the answers in there. If there's an argument with the programming than *something* must have some naturalness to you. Even if everyone in the world is telling you something should be, feel, or behave a certain way, it doesn't change your experience and that's always a good place to explore. Explore directly not worry about cross referencing too much has always yielded best results for me.

Experiment with taking any of these feelings to their conclusion.

Hopefully useful to some.

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 10:50 am 
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(but are you happy?)

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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 11:26 am 
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While I agree with the direction of the comment as a whole. I disagree with this sentence in particular:

Flow83 wrote:
- Remember, if you were truly 100% brainwashed or programmed, you wouldn't even have an internal conflict.


1. I believe that you would have an internal conflict if you were brainwashed, but would you be disassociated from it. (To be fair this did seem to be the direction that you were going).

2. There is, I believe, a big difference between being programmed and being brainwashed. I think we are 100% programmed via a combination of nature and culture and that this is why we have such elongated childhoods relative to other species. (Obviously, that doesn't mean that one shouldn't be critical of one's programming).

I think that where brainwashing differs from mere programming, is that those who are being brainwashed tend to become disassociated from the family unit and from their inherited culture. This would be the primary cause of them becoming disassociated from themselves.

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We go away to find home, we make acquaintances to understand friends, we converse in order to enrich our conversation with ourselves. - Michael Oakeshott


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 Post subject: Re: My Views on Sex
PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 3:02 pm 
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Grossly over simplified for sure if being scientific, just a response to OP and dudes here where brainwashed would be used more casually. Simply to say that if you are dissatisfied and actually aware of the conflict in yourself, then that awareness is itself is a sign for you that you have the means to move forward in a very direct way. OP is not walking around convinced that sex is evil and preaching somewhere how wicked it is :evil: but feels pulled different ways.

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