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Dealing with workplace aggression
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Author:  Altair [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 4:53 am ]
Post subject:  Dealing with workplace aggression
This is something that I struggled with a lot when I was 18-21.../(still) lol. My tactics for dealing with it have evolved over time.

I've found that generally I have to deal with less as I get older. They usually assume that I will be more confident in dealing with games and not sit there and take or lose control of my emotion. Every once in a while though I run into someone who underestimates me.

My brother works where I am. The one guy in maintenace (Jeff) has a bit of an ego. He's older like 60s. Then there is one of the supervisors named Holly. So here's what happened today. One of the elevators broke down with Holly in it. She was just there until the elevator guy got there. All 3 of us teased her. Then the breakfast bar closed so I went up with my brother to grab a coffee because they throw it out anyways. They pretty nice to me and usually even give me a muffin or something. Which they don't have to do.

Jeff comes up and goes off on both of us and makes us look like the bad guys. Says we were teasing Holly and she is having a fit in the elevator. Reeks of a game to me, but I'm not sure the angle. After me and my brother were talking about it and he thought it was to make us uncomfortable so we wouldn't go back up. Because he wants to feel like he has more privilege than us. Makes sense.

The optimal way to test would be to bring in my own coffee put it in one of the hotels mugs and observe his reaction. It is after all "double pleasure to deceive the deceiver".

Anyways he is downstairs after Holly gets out and starts ripping on me and my brother. Making a big deal out of nothing and questioning my work ethic/saying that he told my brother he could go on break but not me. That we were holding hands blah blah. He jokes with a straight face, but it felt like he was actually going for a nerve. So I said something along the lines of I'm surprised you saw us from the break room. He didn't like that very much so when he went for another jab. I was like I bet the smoking section could use some "maintenace" :lol: . I don't really need to be working, it's just so I don't eat into my savings. But honestly, don't dish it out if you cannot take it back. I'm wayy better at finding nerves lol.

He kept going so I just lol'd and was like are you getting serious now? It feels serious. He said that he was going to talk to the manager. So when he was alone. I told him to talk to the manager if he had concerns about my work ethic (which is fine). I waited until he was alone so he wouldn't posture. He told me in a snakey voice I don't have a problem. In my head thinking "Yeah I didn't think so" . Basically I removed his ability to bluff me by calling his shit hand.

He tells Holly about it, I can tell by the way she talked to my brother when he didn't know about the new setting on the washing machine. She said "I wasn't yelling at you or anything". She is nice but kinda a passive when she needs to not be.

I predicted to my brother that Jeff would posture for a while and then give us food or something. My prediction came true later that day, got a bunch of free goodies lol. But then right after that he made up a story to another guy about how I couldn't find the keys and they were in plain sight. He had the guy go look for them and of course he found them right away.

He is quite a skilled manipulator, I don't often come across that level of mind games. He is attempting to destabilize a power base for me by making people not like me. Since he has no real dirt he manufactures it. He is obviously salty. At this level of my development I ALWAYS downplay myself enormously. It truly is necessary after a certain point. There are things I cannot hide though, they know what school I go to. It has a lot of prestige in my hometown/area. So that is certain to inspire jealously. With the amount of skill he has it's impossible to not have heightened observation which means that he has noticed that 3/4 of the housemaids are jocking. That's not even including the front desk workers lol. He can manufacture all the drama he wants he cannot take away from the attraction they have.

Good, his movements are slow and his form is sloppy. I want him to see how the game is really played 8-)
Author:  TheKing_65 [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 7:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
Why exactly would you tease someone stuck in an elevator :?: :? That’s not a joking matter. Also, since you clearly see that he’s out to destroy you, are you going to destroy him or allow him to destroy you :?:
Author:  fufe [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 3:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
I wanted to say it about the elevator but the King was faster than me. Why would you tease somebody about being stuck in an elevator ? That's being a dick first class :| No wonder people get back on you...
Ever thought maybe you have big ego yourself ?
Author:  Altair [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 3:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
Oh I should have went into more detail on that. The elevators do that quite often. It's just the button to open the door doesn't always work. So they have to call the tech to come in open it. It's literally a 20 second job. It's not like it was a serious situation. She knew she was fine. This happens like once a month. She makes fun of the elevators all the time.

Well, he'd like to destroy me. I don't really care though to be honest I'm gone in a couple of months anyways.
Author:  fufe [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
Hmm still. I don't know, I'd do that with somebody I am friends with at work, not with somebody who will take it as an insult or threat. I don't know how INTJ's see things like this, I sense who I can joke like this with and who I shouldn't, if I don't want unfrienly confrontation... There's a person I'd say "Haha, motherfucker you're in shit now" to and people I'd say "Are you ok ?" to or something like that. But I'm generally considerate, lol.
Author:  Altair [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 4:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
We both just usually tease my brother. So he's not used to it, and I never really do anything because he doesn't pick me as a target.

If the elevator situation was different I'd honestly be the hugest douchebag ever. So I can see your point of view as well the The King's. It's a fairly routine thing though.

Like if the customer gets stuck the tech is there twice as fast as if it's an employee. They take their time if it's an employee .
Author:  TheKing_65 [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 7:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
I want him to see how the game is really played –Altair

Since you’re going to allow him to destroy your reputation, how are you going to teach him anything :?: –TheKing_65
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 7:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
TheKing_65 wrote:
I want him to see how the game is really played –Altair

Since you’re going to allow him to destroy your reputation, how are you going to teach him anything :?: –TheKing_65
That's the thing tho. Altair is going to bait him to attempt to destroy his rep via cloaking. Then, right when dude thinks he has the upper hand and goes in for the kill, out pops the lightsaber. :lol: :twisted:
Author:  TheKing_65 [ Sun Jun 14, 2015 8:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
The Kidd!! wrote:
TheKing_65 wrote:
I want him to see how the game is really played –Altair

Since you’re going to allow him to destroy your reputation, how are you going to teach him anything :?: –TheKing_65
That's the thing tho. Altair is going to bait him to attempt to destroy his rep via cloaking. Then, right when dude thinks he has the upper hand and goes in for the kill, out pops the lightsaber. :lol: :twisted:
That’s what’s up then. 8-)
Author:  Altair [ Mon Jun 15, 2015 12:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
The Kidd!! wrote:
That's the thing tho. Altair is going to bait him to attempt to destroy his rep via cloaking. Then, right when dude thinks he has the upper hand and goes in for the kill, out pops the lightsaber. :lol: :twisted:
Yes, wise Kidd!!. The force is strong with you. 8-)

In all seriousness though TheKing_65 I don't really care about my "rep". It's an illusion, something I can bend and suit to my purposes. Since he cannot think that way, he will never be able to best me.

I do have a big ego fufe. I had a LOT of trouble with it a few years ago if you remember the posts lol. I have learned to control it better with time, but it hasn't reduced in size.
Author:  rant [ Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
The Kidd!! wrote:
TheKing_65 wrote:
I want him to see how the game is really played –Altair

Since you’re going to allow him to destroy your reputation, how are you going to teach him anything :?: –TheKing_65
That's the thing tho. Altair is going to bait him to attempt to destroy his rep via cloaking. Then, right when dude thinks he has the upper hand and goes in for the kill, out pops the lightsaber. :lol: :twisted:
I want to know how he does that?, i know ligthsabers don't exist maybe he got one in the mall.
Author:  Altair [ Mon Jun 15, 2015 3:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
By watching carefully the strategy that drives his tactics. By watching what he does I can see why he does it. Once I know the why there are only so many combinations of how. The why never changes only the how. :geek:
Author:  Slim Titan [ Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
I think it's better to ingratiate yourself with management than to duel with coworkers.

He's on the same level as you. There is nothing he can do. Attacking your reputation only shows his ignorance of war. Any publicity is good publicity.

I doubt he's as skilled a manipulator as you think he is. If he was really playing for keeps then he would have assessed management to measure what he do with the coworkers first.

I.E. weak management means you can outright appeal to them and then he can cloak. He can undercut your perceived value with management by suggesting other people do your job because they are better at it with a followup that you do worse jobs because you're better at it. The kinds of jobs that get no publicity.

I.E. strong management means that you need evidence. However, most strong managers prefer derision in the ranks. It means less collective action. Singling you out would mean putting you in the spot light for promotion or firing. He hands the game over to you. Consequently, he would befriend you and get you to do something stupid. No spotlight, just a report to management about your stupid actions.

He was clearly overcome with emotion because he has feelings for that girl. The fact that he chose not to go to management means he doesn't know what he should do. Consequently, he attempted to placate your ego by offering food. It's easy to plant a seed in your superiors minds to watch everyone closely by being indirect about it. That should have been his first move and the only move for the time being.

The work environment is the epitome of the selfish environment. Everyone is out for their self.
Author:  Altair [ Wed Jun 17, 2015 5:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
They have a lot of trouble getting people to show up to work consistently. I just show up and do my job and they love me. He has no leverage and he knows it. I bluff called because I knew and he knew that he couldn't go to management. Because they've seen me work and they like me as well.

He's quite intelligent. He's just never learned how to see through he ego and keep his emotions in check. I'm not gonna be getting promoted lol. I'm as high as I could go even if I did stay there for a decade. I fold laundry lol. This is just a summer job.

The fact that he has feelings for the one girl is a good point. I overlooked it never really thought about it.
Author:  fufe [ Wed Jun 17, 2015 6:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
What about also trying to do a good job and generally follow Napoleon Hills advice ?
It has gotten me to a very different position than where I started.. I was building it for about a year, believed I would do what I imagined and I did.. Depends on what you want tho
Author:  Slim Titan [ Thu Jun 18, 2015 2:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dealing with workplace aggression
Altair wrote:
They have a lot of trouble getting people to show up to work consistently. I just show up and do my job and they love me. He has no leverage and he knows it. I bluff called because I knew and he knew that he couldn't go to management. Because they've seen me work and they like me as well.

He's quite intelligent. He's just never learned how to see through he ego and keep his emotions in check. I'm not gonna be getting promoted lol. I'm as high as I could go even if I did stay there for a decade. I fold laundry lol. This is just a summer job.

The fact that he has feelings for the one girl is a good point. I overlooked it never really thought about it.
procreation is a strong motivation in men and women.

resources are a stronger motivator in women.

Combine the two and you have the exact reason why she lashed out at you like he did. She knows he wants her. What can she gain? What can he gain?
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