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Changing approval seeking behavior
http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4099		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  caliboy85 [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Changing approval seeking behavior
Hey guys after doing sitting and allowing.....

I am noticing some approval seeking patterns.....

I am not treating people accordingly like i should....

Particularily still being influenced by a pretty face :)

One in particular that i'd like to share...

I do food delivery for an independent company....

There is this woman who works in the takeout section of outback where i pick up the order....

Most people when i call them they say Hey its so and so how may i help you....

there is a thread on this forum called power of using a name

I believe this was also brought up in Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people

The general gist of it is that people like hearing there names heard so i put it to a test....

This women is very good looking and seemed genuinely nice...

I gathered this from the way she treated people at work..

one time i asked her name....

two weeks later when i come back to pick up an order i say her name in person...

she smiles and says you remembered my name...

Anyways i run into her about twice a week...

She is one of the few that doesn't say her name when you call in..Instead she just says Outback takeaway how may i help you?

Recently every time she picks up the phone when i call and confirm an order i can spot her voice so i say hey so and so how are you? she quickly says i'm good(in a generic kind of way) killing the vibe...

I am a bit thrown off by this and i say i was just calling because i have an order to pick up should be there soon..

It's almost like a what do you want/what can i do for you kind of vibe im sensing over the phone...

I later realized that i wanted her to be impressed by me spotting her voice over the phone...

This is approval seeking..

When i see her in person she is friendly and i chatted with her about her daughter and where shes from blah blah blah....

but the phone thing throws me off...

She is 23 and married....

Anyways i notice a slight butthurt in my emotions after i get off the phone with her after telling her how are you doing?

On a gut level i think im seeking approval or wanting her to like me by saying her name on the phone.Why am i treating her any different than other women who works there.How has she earned it by simply being pretty and friendly.I don't even really know her.

Anyways i have been doing this for the past 4 weeks.If i stop doing this then i am not sure if i am finishing how i start....

In your opinion guys..if i feel like i am approval seeking and wanting her to like me by saying her name over the phone should i just stop saying her name over the phone

even though i started this pattern and not care if my sudden change of behavior which i have been doing for a month will be perceived as butthurt?

Its funny before i knew her name and just treated her like everyone else not asking how are you doing,not saying her name..the butthurt wasn't present...

I am honestly ok with never hooking up with her..

Just trying to work on the inner foundations....
Author:  Meraki [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 8:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
cali wrote:
Anyways i have been doing this for the past 4 weeks.If i stop doing this then i am not sure if i am finishing how i start....
Finishing how you start only applies when you start strong. If you start weak, then the moment you realize you are acting weak, you should change your behavior.

Plus, it sounds to me like you're not observing and choosing from who chooses you. Sounds like you decided you liked her and you're trying to get her to reciprocate, rather than seeing who has already chosen you and then deciding when YOU should reciprocate.

Let this one go.

Also, sooooooo maaaaaaannnnnyyy ellipses... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Author:  Aragorn [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
1.) You are greatly overthinking this.

2.) For you, all this information here is still just a tool to get women to like you. Which is the complete opposite of what this place is. You have your causality mixed up.
Quote:
I am honestly ok with never hooking up with her..
What you wrote is expressing the exact opposite.

Some questions for you to chew on and look into within:

1.) Why should you treat people accordingly?
2.) Why is her saying she's doing good in a generic way kill the vibe? Who's killing it? What vibe?
2.) Imagine you find out that she will never have anything remotely sexual with you. How would that make you feel? How would that change the way you act towards her? And why?


You don't have to write back, just ponder on them a bit when you have some quiet headspace.
Author:  caliboy85 [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
@aragorn


The vibe i am talking about is the "us vibe"....

I like you so you are supposed to like me...

i projected that we had something going on but it was just that

Me projecting my own attraction onto her...

without proper observation.....

No it is truly not a tactic to get her to hook up with me...

I realized this a couple weeks ago after i found out she is married....

Even if she is or isn't i am not going to show interest in someone who isn't reciprocating...

and i truly am ok with never hooking up....

I don't need her and she doesn't need me....

I just don't want to continue to go down a path of approval seeking and symping in this situation...
Author:  Aragorn [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
I really should be working but this is a fun way to procrastinate.
caliboy85 wrote:
@aragorn


The vibe i am talking about is the "us vibe"....

I like you so you are supposed to like me...

Is she, though?

Even if she is or isn't i am not going to show interest in someone who isn't reciprocating...

Being vulnerable is frightening, right? Explore that feeling further a dig a little bit more deeply into your attachment. This is another symptom of it.
And please stop using those dots man, shit's difficult to read.
Author:  caliboy85 [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
Aragorn wrote:
I really should be working but this is a fun way to procrastinate.
caliboy85 wrote:
@aragorn


The vibe i am talking about is the "us vibe"...

I like you so you are supposed to like me

Is she, though?

She isn't and that's cool with me..

Obviously she isn't supposed to like me..

Nobody is require to like anyone or reciprocate..

If they do great..if they don't great

She's not responsible for my happiness..



Even if she is or isn't i am not going to show interest in someone who isn't reciprocating...

Being vulnerable is frightening, right? Explore that feeling further a dig a little bit more deeply into your attachment. This is another symptom of it.

Yes vulnerabilty is a little frightening.Sometimes we need to show a little.Nobody likes being rejected.With that being said there is a time when someone isn't reciprocating you move on.

I don't understand this part you show a little vulnerability and then if the other person isn't reciprocating you move on right?

I can objectively look at this and say i was putting in more effort than she was.She didn't reciprocate and that's not my problem.

Anyways the problem is not that she didn't reciprocate rather i should be seeing who is choosing.
And please stop using those dots man, shit's difficult to read.
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
Why is this even a thing? :|
Author:  caliboy85 [ Sat Nov 01, 2014 7:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
Thanks for the reply guys

@Aragorn
Yes there may be a vulnerability demon lingering there that i will look into..

thanks for the observation..
Author:  Dali [ Sat Nov 01, 2014 7:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Changing approval seeking behavior
You are also using reciprocication? in order to like you, fuck that dude.
And fuck that bitch too. :ugeek:

:twisted:
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