Natural Freedom

[ I just finished a meditation session and a memory came up. I want to share it here, because I feel I have something to learn from it and typing it here will help...maybe. Also, maybe it's some value to others.]

About 1.5 years ago I was 6 months into the new city I moved into. I started back into school and in all honesty felt lost. I had a little social circle, no sexual relationships, and didn't feel good about myself. Life was depressing.

I was heavy into inner work, but I was forcing a lot of things. I also had the frame of mind, deeply ingrained, that women where the answer.

The depression became so heavy at one point that I naturally dropped a lot of things. I "gave up" and it happened naturally, because I feel I just couldn't take it anymore. I had a sense of relief and felt a weight lifted of my shoulders. My indifference level rose as a result of my giving up.

Some strange things happened in the days that followed. People acted differently with me, ways I was not used to. I felt more comfortable in my skin. Girls started to pursue me and indulge me with compliments, something I was not used to. I remember girls dropped the facade & game with me and felt comfortable in my presence. They really looked at me differently. They enjoyed being in my presence. That was funny, because I didn't really think much of myself, but my vibe was at ease.

In one instance, two girls who where friends of a friend of mine, where both pursing me at the same time one night out. They battled against each other. I did nothing. They did everything.

Another weird thing I noticed was I started getting a lot more text messages from people. I was not used to this. I was a loner and rarely would someone text me. It felt like a treat if I got a text message. In those couple of days it seemed as though I was getting text messages from different people every couple of hours.

My analysis is that I hit a point that I had no more willpower or strength. I dropped all the suffering and called defeat. I believe I really just dropped my ego and became humble. A lot of space opened up and I like to think of it as getting out of my own way. I didn't feel happy in those couple of days, but I did feel neutral. There was much less suffering.

After some days, my ego came back and started using this mindset & being as a "technique. I shifted back to my old ways. Life went back to the old way.

I feel what I experienced for a short time is similar, or is exactly what The Kidd!! says about at times. That when you truly don't give a fuck, then the real fun starts to happen. I had a glimpse of it and it was very different from the lifestyle I was living before. One felt like an up hill battle, the other felt like a smooth drift down the river.

I forgot about this time for a couple of months, but it came back to me today and I feel it came back to me for a reason. If you have any thoughts or observation I'd like to hear them. I remember it was a strange couple of days.

Chicks have a type.

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Hmm, interesting.

I understand what your saying.

I had a few times where I reached a point, where I considered calling defeat. I didn't know where it would lead me so I never truly gave up. The one day almost randomly it was like a dam released in my mind like it couldn't hold on any longer. The relief is intoxicating.

There are similiarities in our paths and yet differences contained within them as well.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Its called surrender. Also known as letting go.

This guy who a lot of people think might be pretty smart wrote a whole book about it. Its Sniper's favorite book.

http://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-The-Pa ... 1933885998

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho

Balls published this ~4 hours ago via Tube;
(TheEmperorAndTheSagePt2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goFoeDGl_Qk

move on

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 369#p34342

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Bliss,

What you resist, persists. You simply ceased resisting your reality, accepted yourself, and it all changed.

You felt at ease, yet your mind was trying to say otherwise. Classic example of It's not what you're saying, It's what you're feeling. Do you think so or not?

@ Jared
Great timing & good food for thought. Thank you.

@ Leo
That's it. I accepted what was and stopped fighting. I enjoyed this part, because I was good at pretending (saying) I was good, but really the feeling wasn't there.

So where are you at now, mentally?

I stopped pretending and am now dealing with what is causing my suffering.

@bliss-->

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Ask an ye' shall recieve

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GMST