Natural Freedom

Forum for the natural awakening and self-realization of men
It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 4:16 pm

All times are UTC+01:00




Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 5:23 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:02 am
Posts: 104
It's been awhile guys. Literally 4 years since I discovered the PUA scene and probably 3.5 years since first coming across this website. To be fair, I only wholeheartedly embraced this website for the past year. That was the first hardest part, fully embracing this website, this new way of life. Actually, that is the only hard part. However, my acceptance of this new lifestyle has been a process. I thought I had fully embraced it, I would get lazy, and then something else would come up that undeniably pointed to the fact that I hadn't accepted everything. Rinse and repeat.

A common cliche for what I am trying to describe above is "The rabbit hole goes deeper". Once this process is set in motion, there really is no going back. This much I have accepted. I would get over and come to accept some things, but to only accept some things is still lying to yourself wholly. Everything must come to the surface and be accepted before things truly get better. So, to say the least, things have been going slowly for me. That is okay, though. At least they have been going. I'm ready for it all now.

I always knew I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but I kind of just left it at that and didn't really consider what was dysfunctional about my family and what implications this dysfunctionality had on my own childhood development. If you want to get better, you gotta explore where it really hurts, and this is exactly what I have been hiding from since age 10 or so. It feels good though, to finally address these root-problems/demons. I'm coming to grips with them and oddly enough I have a smile on my face as I write this :) . But here's the thing, I always knew these issues existed, even when I thought I had moved past them already, though it wasn't a conscious awareness of them, it was A FEELING IN MY GUT.

I knew something wasn't quite right, I just didn't want to admit it. I mean I am good-looking, intelligent, funny, socially-savvy etc. etc. Why should anything be wrong with me? The truth of the matter is that it doesn't matter who you are, or what you're like. These types of deeply-ingrained childhood issues effect so many people, and some people are so good at creating defense mechanisms and hiding behind false-selves (like myself), that you would never expect it.

As the cliche goes, one's true self will always come out in the end. So now I'm going to get into some specifics about myself as a sort of therapeutic release, though don't get me wrong, I know my issues are not special. These types of family dynamics seem to be somewhat common nowadays, sadly.

Basically, I was raised by an alcoholic single mother who put her needs before my own. As a child, this showed me that other's needs were more important than my own, what does that mean for me? That means I become a people-pleaser. That means it is normal for me to act in a way that has everyone else in mind besides myself. Healthy? Of course not. This type of behavior sucks, it fosters sucky, insecure, needy people. Everything I do, even if the actions themselves aren't 'bad' or unproductive, every action I make comes from the wrong frame, the wrong mindset.

If I ever was the *most* intelligent, handsome, atheletic I would never be satisfied. I emphasize *most* because that's what I strived to be, a perfectionist. Perfect for others, though, never for myself. That's why I will never be content or happy with this mindset. Also it is an extremely draining mindset to have.

Furthermore, my father wasn't there for me, neither my brother. But how can I blame them, my mother included? Each one of them was raised dysfunctionally, it's such a vicious cycle though. I mean the daddy's girls will marry the people-pleasing heroes like myself, have kids, divorce, and then the kids are doomed. MIRROR if I've ever seen one. I can't blame them, and I'm actually happy not to. It feels so great to know what true acceptance is and this is the first step. I may not have fully accepted myself yet, but at least I've taken the first step in accepting my family members for who they are.

It's crazy though. As I've been uncovering these truths about myself and my family, I have brought them up to my mother. My purpose in doing this is not to change her or convince her, but rather for myself. I never had the ability to be intimate with my mother or anyone in my family really, so I figured I would share this intimate insight so I can get used to being vulnerable and opening up. Anyway, when I bring these truths up, it is surprising the kind of irrational resistance I am met with. I thought I was hiding from something, now I see what 50 years of false living leads to. It is so clear to me now why my mom was how she was all of my childhood. I never understood it, but now it is so crystal clear. I used to feel bad for her, and I still do really, but hey that's life. I'm not gonna get anything out of it feeling bad for all the lost souls out there.

No longer am I going to hide from myself though. I've already taken action to minimize this hiding. I've cut down heavily on social media use by deleting all the apps from my phone and deleting my profiles. I still keep facebook, but I think not having it on my phone will cut down my abuse of it. Before, if i was alone or waiting for something I would always go straight to my phone, no more! I'm going to keep this thread going as a sort of journal for myself and for you guys as I head through this key part of my life. I think I have already done a lot of heavy lifting, undoubtedly I still have a lot of head of me. One thing I am coming to realize and accept is that 'heavy-lifting' never really goes away as long as I am living. I mean if it's not mental heavy-lifting, it's spiritual, or even physical. This is something I never really came to grips with before, I was and probably still am very lazy. I've always wanted the path of least resistance. FUCK THAT, it seems to never be the best way.

One final statement, all of these things, namely negative emotions and spiritual turmoil - they have been a part of who I was, and they are still a part of who I am, but they DO NOT have to be like that. They do not have to be a part of who I will become.

Edit:

I'm going to keep a list of my demons as well as their roots so I am always reminded that they are there. They are issues right now, but they do not always have to be a problem.


Fear of abandonment -- My mother, father, and then brother (whom I looked up to) were all emotionally distant and (my mother and brother) would judge me and make me feel unwanted

Fear of intimacy -- Physical embracing wasn't a norm growing up and opening up was a sign of weakness. My mother, brother and myself seemed to be constantly emotionally abusing each other. Weaknesses were always attacked when things got heated so I was trained not to show them. I always had to be hardskinned. Physical embrace is not so much an issue for me anymore but emotional intimacy is still something I have trouble with.

Neediness -- When my brother and my mom would fight, I would always have to be the rock for one or both of them. This is where my self-value stemmed from: being needed by others. Now I seek out relationships where I am needed and I can be smothering sometimes and come off as needy, when I am just trying to make sure things are 'okay'. Alternatively, I push people away when I feel as though they don't truly need me. Basically, when I crave relationships where I am given space to fill, but hate relationships where the other person is filling the space. I think this comes from my mom smothering me in terms of not allowing me to be independent when I needed to be.


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 6:30 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:02 am
Posts: 104
Wow it has not been that long at all since that first post, yet I feel like a completely different person.

Coming to that realization is exactly what I needed. I truly feel like all of those "negative" traits/experiences are totally working in my favor now.

After fully confronting myself and accepting these issues that plagued me for so long, I feel so much more mentally and spiritually strong.

Now I don't really focus on myself or what others are thinking about me and as a result I am able to turn my attention/observations towards them, which helps me to treat them accordingly.

I see things so clear and objectively now. I honestly don't give a fuck about the petty things anymore, which is so empowering.

I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. People are starting to take notice.

I batted 4 for 3 over the weekend. Big whoop, I banged out some drunk college chicks. This is not the point at all, and I guess the real point is that I am finding I am much more capable than I ever thought. I never would have dreamed of fucking two different girls in the same night.

Even better, sex is a casual thing now. It no longer has the anxiety or emotional backlash that it did in the past. I can actually enjoy myself in bed now. Sex is simply a means to fulfill my (pseudo)-need.

My confidence with girls, at least right now, is through the roof. I can go up to a group of girls and say whatever the hell I want, because it's not about what I say. IT NEVER WAS.

I'm more efficient in school and at my job as well. Leadership qualities I never knew existed in me are coming to the surface. People never used to follow me, but now it seems like they believe in my abilities. I must give off the vibe that I know what I am doing, but many times I am just simply doing, not truly knowing the absolute best way of getting things done.

Most importantly, I am asserting my needs succinctly and confidently. I used to kind of beat around the bush or sugar coat things if I felt they would make another person unhappy. The worst part was, that is not me at all. I am a very blunt person. Now I'll just say what needs to be said and if someone is angry with that, then I'll let them express themselves and we can reach a resolution if need be.

Another external result of my internal shift is my ability to form fulfilling connections / relationships with people. I can't really describe what it is but my dealings with people overall just seem so much more satisfying than they did in the past. I can rely on certain friends to help me out if I need it and they can rely on me to act a certain way towards them because that's just how I am. I AM FINALLY BEING MYSELF YOU GUYS, it sounds so simple it hurts to think how long I struggled with this. Finishing how you start is much easier when your behavior is innately constant.

More on this stuff later, but feel free to post if this sort of thing is relative to you. Even if it's not I'd still like to hear some of your guys opinion on this overall shift that accompanies fully accepting and ingesting the red pill


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 6:49 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2012 11:07 pm
Posts: 589
Location: The side of a mountain somewhere...
Hah. Never saw your original post, but both were good reads.
Jdogg wrote:
I knew something wasn't quite right, I just didn't want to admit it. I mean I am good-looking, intelligent, funny, socially-savvy etc. etc. Why should anything be wrong with me? The truth of the matter is that it doesn't matter who you are, or what you're like. These types of deeply-ingrained childhood issues effect so many people, and some people are so good at creating defense mechanisms and hiding behind false-selves (like myself), that you would never expect it.
Well put.
Jdogg wrote:
Furthermore, my father wasn't there for me, neither my brother. But how can I blame them, my mother included? Each one of them was raised dysfunctionally, it's such a vicious cycle though. I mean the daddy's girls will marry the people-pleasing heroes like myself, have kids, divorce, and then the kids are doomed. MIRROR if I've ever seen one. I can't blame them, and I'm actually happy not to. It feels so great to know what true acceptance is and this is the first step. I may not have fully accepted myself yet, but at least I've taken the first step in accepting my family members for who they are.
Very well put.
Jdogg wrote:
Now I don't really focus on myself or what others are thinking about me and as a result I am able to turn my attention/observations towards them, which helps me to treat them accordingly.
Excellent.
Jdogg wrote:
I AM FINALLY BEING MYSELF YOU GUYS, it sounds so simple it hurts to think how long I struggled with this. Finishing how you start is much easier when your behavior is innately constant.
I see lots of good times ahead of you. 8-)

_________________
"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 4:33 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 6:49 am
Posts: 5112
Another satisfied customer! :D

Look at the last 4 years as an investment in your future...slow and steady wins the race. 8-)

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 6:28 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3337
Location: UK
Enjoyable read Jdogg :)

--
JDogg wrote:
Another external result of my internal shift is my ability to form fulfilling connections / relationships with people. I can't really describe what it is but my dealings with people overall just seem so much more satisfying than they did in the past. I can rely on certain friends to help me out if I need it and they can rely on me to act a certain way towards them because that's just how I am. I AM FINALLY BEING MYSELF YOU GUYS, it sounds so simple it hurts to think how long I struggled with this. Finishing how you start is much easier when your behavior is innately constant.
:D

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC+01:00


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to: 

cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited