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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 2:02 am 
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Hey guys, it's been awhile, I've been a busy man.

I have a temporary living arrangement with my gf which ends in a few weeks, she puts in for half my living costs, win win right? well no.

I was against the idea of co-habitation from the beginning but I needed a bit of a break financially so I went for it, living with her though has awakened the demons, the neediness and clinginess was apparent before and I attributed that to her being a few years younger and I thought she would grow out of it but it's exponentially increased now with her in my living space, especially as my feelings fade (yeah I know funny how that works) that and having no space to myself, at least now I'm spending more time out socially but for the wrong reasons.

I do me when I get home but she's there and like Altair has said before, you just can't chill as you do alone with someone else there, at least not a female that's staying there, wanting too much.

Bottom line: once the arrangement ends and she goes back home I'm going back to the single life and I don't care for X factors, that chick does not exist and I am looking into getting a vasectomy to make sure I never get tied down, and I'm sticking to older chicks for now, I much prefer that dynamic to this bullshit.

I don't care to get into another relationship for the foreseeable future, I have learned a lot these past couple years, I've done well and fucked up in equal measures and I don't give a shit anymore, I thought she was an X factor but it turns out I don't know what that shit is, she's nice and supportive but the craziness is not worth it, at least I can say for once that this was not a waste of time.

Rant over, I'll fill you in when I break it off.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:23 pm 
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Quote:
living with her though has awakened the demons, the neediness and clinginess was apparent before and I attributed that to her being a few years younger and I thought she would grow out of it but it's exponentially increased now with her in my living space

one would think that having you around in proximity would cancel this, but no.
they won't stop until they consume your everything (if you allow it to happen) and then they'll spit you back out because you have changed.

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 1:12 pm 
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Sai wrote:
one would think that having you around in proximity would cancel this, but no.
they won't stop until they consume your everything (if you allow it to happen) and then they'll spit you back out because you have changed.
My refusal to change causes some friction. :lol:

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 5:03 pm 
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Dude, are you sure you want the vasectomy ? You sure you wouldn't want children when you are like 35+ ?


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 6:11 pm 
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fufe wrote:
Dude, are you sure you want the vasectomy ? You sure you wouldn't want children when you are like 35+ ?
That's like 5 years from now, unless I tick off all my items on my bucket list by then I'm not even gonna be close to wanting to settle down, there's so much of the world to see, so much to enjoy out there, that shit would all come to an end with kids.

I may try this: http://www.pro-vas.com
Quote:
Pro-Vas is a breakthrough in male contraception. The Pro-Vas device effectively occludes each vas deferens, blocking the flow of sperm without the need to sever or remove a segment of the sperm duct. The result is reliable birth control without the pain or protracted recovery that can accompany traditional vasectomy.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 6:38 pm 
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Hmm In the end it's your decision, but I can't imagine having do kids in the future myself


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:00 pm 
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The part he's leaving out is that he may 'bank' some sperm should a amicable situation arise with a woman and kids could be a possibility. If I could do it all over again, that's what I would do. :geek:

Then you could tell her to go half on the fertility clinic...make her put HER money where her ovaries are. :twisted:

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:18 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
The part he's leaving out is that he may 'bank' some sperm should a amicable situation arise with a woman and kids could be a possibility. If I could do it all over again, that's what I would do. :geek:

Then you could tell her to go half on the fertility clinic...make her put HER money where her ovaries are. :twisted:
Ok, that makes sense. Well-Clarified.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 10:22 pm 
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Getting snipped and sperm banks sound equally awful.

I'll just use condoms thanks.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 3:48 pm 
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Rolan wrote:
Getting snipped and sperm banks sound equally awful.

I'll just use condoms thanks.
It wouldn't be getting snipped, the link I sent above is an alternative solution and I've been through worse things than vasectomies so I could handle that lol. Also a vasectomy is more effective than condoms/birth control.

I'm not an optimist when it comes to encountering the right partner, X factor, however you chose to define it. At this point I don't beieve that chick exists for me and if she does she'd have to be really something else and I don't even know what that is, it will take experience with alot more women before defining that for myself.

I don't want to rule it out completely but alot of conditions and boxes would need to be ticked on both sides if I ever met such a woman and that route would be considered.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 4:44 pm 
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Alchemist wrote:
Rolan wrote:
Getting snipped and sperm banks sound equally awful.

I'll just use condoms thanks.
It wouldn't be getting snipped, the link I sent above is an alternative solution and I've been through worse things than vasectomies so I could handle that lol. Also a vasectomy is more effective than condoms/birth control.

I'm not an optimist when it comes to encountering the right partner, X factor, however you chose to define it. At this point I don't believe that chick exists for me and if she does she'd have to be really something else and I don't even know what that is, it will take experience with alot more women before defining that for myself.

I don't want to rule it out completely but alot of conditions and boxes would need to be ticked on both sides if I ever met such a woman and that route would be considered.

why alot though?

aren't they all the same at the core? even the "good" ones prove bad every now and then, believe me I've had my fair share.

the female I thought was my "X" factor, her neediness and lack of a center usually manifested when she wasn't around me. she would give me my space when necessary, and invade it when necessary also. :lol:

but on a different note, Chemist, did you forget to feed the fish? ;)

it's obvious that you are not or were not happy with the situation.
did you verbalize it?

it seems you created such an internal void because your external needs weren't being met so it seems that she is desperately trying to cling to you... I bet you are serious at home :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:39 pm 
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I have verbalised it before, she dismisses it, denial.

I mean if I had my shit together completely and my career sorted out and this hypothetical woman was in the same league then MAYBE it might happen and that's AFTER I get to a place where I can retire and even THEN it's a very small chance.

Yeah even the 'good' ones prove to be bad, they have to right? in this current situation I never get my space when I need it which is a lot of the time. :lol: so yeah I am not happy and she's better off with someone whose goals align with hers, cuz mine sure as shit don't.
Sai wrote:
it seems you created such an internal void because your external needs weren't being met so it seems that she is desperately trying to cling to you... I bet you are serious at home :lol:
I don't entirely understand this the way it is phrased, gonna have to think it over.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 7:41 pm 
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( you became very indifferent and she felt the distance, your fading feelings- Internal void=indifference. your detachment causes her to cling harder.)

your external needs would be "
Quote:
the more space I get the better I write, oh, whenever I write, but if ever I write I need the space to say whatever I like
"

I guess you give her enough attention, but for a woman, what is enough when it comes to attention?

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:10 pm 
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Maybe I missed it, but why not just tell her to move out and then see what happens? Y'know, as opposed to breaking it off cos you clearly don't want to live with her.

And no attention is ever enough. People always try to get that little bit more of you, which is starting to make me fucking sick of them, frankly.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:24 pm 
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she is already paying 3/4 of the rent , why tell her to move out?

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 10:02 pm 
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Er...not sure if serious...

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 10:19 pm 
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I can't throw her out cuz she already paid and I pay my stuff in advance, so it's kind of a done deal there.

@Rolan it's a temporary arrangement, when her contract ends she's moving back to her home town anyway.

@Sai she's paying 1/2, are you suggesting I keep her around afterwards and keep the same deal going? financially it would be great but the space invasion etc. would not be worth it to me, I just need to be more resourceful so I don't get into deals like this in the future.

I just feel that it should come to an end, I'm not gonna drag it on if I don't feel the same way.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 12:02 am 
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Location: The side of a mountain somewhere...
Moving in with a girl (or having her move in with you) due to monetary reasons is NEVER a good idea. You should only move in with a girl when you and her both want to, irrespective of financial reasons. It will ruin the relationship.

I learned this one the hard way 10 years ago, and again 5 years ago (sometimes it takes making the same mistake twice to learn the lesson).
Alchemist wrote:
I just need to be more resourceful so I don't get into deals like this in the future.
Yep. Get your finances in order, and once you do, hold girls you date to the same standard.

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 12:40 am 
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Meraki wrote:
Moving in with a girl (or having her move in with you) due to monetary reasons is NEVER a good idea. You should only move in with a girl when you and her both want to, irrespective of financial reasons. It will ruin the relationship.

I learned this one the hard way 10 years ago, and again 5 years ago (sometimes it takes making the same mistake twice to learn the lesson).
Alchemist wrote:
I just need to be more resourceful so I don't get into deals like this in the future.
Yep. Get your finances in order, and once you do, hold girls you date to the same standard.
^^^^^^ This


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 3:08 am 
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:lol: oh, my bad. thought she paid her half plus half urz. :oops:

no, I would not suggest you stay because of that, that would be a poor decision.
if you know it's time to move on, then do what's best. nobody knows but you.

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim


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