The link below pushed me towards posting a moment that I had with myself.
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=3543
I was smoking a cigarette outside my dorm as usual. Man I want to quit badly. Hav Plenty was loading slow on my computer.
So, as I was outside. I had a swirl of thoughts and then I realized that I was talking to myself out loud all of a sudden.
I was saying to myself if only I could just be me for a brief moment.
That's what it is to know yourself for one instant. To see beside yourself. Sometimes you don't even know when you're doing it.
It felt amazing. I thought if only I could extend that moment, but the problem with wanting to extend such a moment or episode is when you come to the conclusion that it cannot be extended.
You have to be willing to move on to the next moment.
There's attachment in trying to extend the moment. You can't be indifferent and want more. This is where contentedness comes into play.
Contentedness is not happiness, but it sure can lead to it.
I haven't broken down more of my realizations about this moment because they're coming slow. Everything has it's own pace and matching that pace is what keeps you in the race because it's a marathon.
I shed a tear for myself in that moment. For what I don't know. For myself maybe. I was happy to see myself even for a brief glimpse without the facade that I've laid over myself from years of pain and torture.
I realized that the hardest person you can ever meet is yourself because you're most hard on yourself. Well, at least in my situation. I'm the hardest person on myself. I want so much for myself that it's hard to see the self because it comes from external circumstances and motivations. That it is success.
Sometimes I wonder if people aren't afraid of success but afraid of their self. Maybe seeing their self in success. Visualization is powerful and the surface of reality is only a two dimensional step away from this visualization. That is one foot in front of the other.
I felt so comfortable that it's hard to want to give up that moment. You really have to let it go because attempting to relive it is the troublesome part.
For the members that are having trouble with realizing where their ego is located in them and where you are headed and how to be in the present moment and indifferent ask yourself if you can just see yourself for a brief moment to follow your heart, gut, and mind.
Receiving that gift you can give to yourself isn't the hard part. The hardest part is actually honestly asking yourself to do so without limitations, constraints, or bargaining.
The staunch or hard up and hard pressed part of yourself comes from not living these things.
If you ask right enough then you might find the path to staying that way.
I'm not sure if I have.