In preparation for my move to South Korea, I decided to reconnect with my family and friends in my hometown. For almost 3 years, I had maintained only minimal contact with my friends and family in my hometown. Over time, I started to miss them more, and I finally decided to return to my hometown to see them when I signed my contract to work in South Korea.
In months following my decision to return, I had been calling my grandmother to check on my dad's rehabilitation progress. He had been in some kind of live-in program for his alcoholism and PTSD since he walked in on his wife fucking another guy and I hadn't been able to talk to him since. Finally, one day I called to check his progress and he was home; it would be the first time I had spoken to him in three years.
By the end of the hours-long conversation, we had decided that we were quite overdue for a visit. Two weeks later, after I had finished my job, he drove up to take me back to my hometown with him for a week.
I really enjoyed my time with my father and we got along really well. We talked about so many different things and we did a lot of things together. we went out to the beach, ate together at our favorite restaurant and took the dog (Goose) out on little excursions around the bay. I remember the conversations, the smell of the air, the sight of the bay, the taste of the food and the barking of the dog. I was really in the moment during our time together.
I also stayed with a childhood friend of mine (from this post: http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =17&t=1889) for the first time in since the incident. We had a really good time it was like nothing ever happened. He was generous the whole time and treated me really well (even though he got a bit peeved when I stomped him several times in a row with my green land destruction deck when we played Magic
).I had a pleasant surprise when a friend invited me over to visit her and I was ambushed with a surprise party that my mom had planned! Lots of friends and family were there with well-wishes and gifts! More than that, they were curious about my new contract and the huge amount of weight I had lost (remember, the last time they saw me, I was about 300 lbs). Also, many people told me that I seemed more mature somehow, more calm.
On the drive out of town back to my home, I apologized to him for my self-entitled, bratty behavior in the past. I told him that had behaved the way I did because of my abandonment issues which were a result of him leaving. I said that I failed to realize that he also has his own suffering to bear. I revealed that I knew about how his mother and gave him up for adoption and that his adoptive mother had been cold to him, so he was not able to properly love and care about others. I told him that I forgave him for his shortcomings. He agreed with me and apologized. It was a great relief to me, and we thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the ride.
After we said our goodbyes and he left, sat down and cried for a bit. I was finally able to close the book on a lifetime of emotional struggle and I reached a new level of inner peace.
I was able to defeat my abandonment issues for good and forgive my dad because I have been able to give myself the one thing I had wanted from him my whole life: acceptance. I know things between my dad and I will be fine from here on out because because I no longer need or expect anything from him.
So much has happened lately that I will have to start a couple more threads to cover them all. This will have to do for now.
