Natural Freedom

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 Post subject: Return to My Hometown
PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 12:54 pm 
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In preparation for my move to South Korea, I decided to reconnect with my family and friends in my hometown. For almost 3 years, I had maintained only minimal contact with my friends and family in my hometown. Over time, I started to miss them more, and I finally decided to return to my hometown to see them when I signed my contract to work in South Korea.

In months following my decision to return, I had been calling my grandmother to check on my dad's rehabilitation progress. He had been in some kind of live-in program for his alcoholism and PTSD since he walked in on his wife fucking another guy and I hadn't been able to talk to him since. Finally, one day I called to check his progress and he was home; it would be the first time I had spoken to him in three years.

By the end of the hours-long conversation, we had decided that we were quite overdue for a visit. Two weeks later, after I had finished my job, he drove up to take me back to my hometown with him for a week.

I really enjoyed my time with my father and we got along really well. We talked about so many different things and we did a lot of things together. we went out to the beach, ate together at our favorite restaurant and took the dog (Goose) out on little excursions around the bay. I remember the conversations, the smell of the air, the sight of the bay, the taste of the food and the barking of the dog. I was really in the moment during our time together.

I also stayed with a childhood friend of mine (from this post: http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =17&t=1889) for the first time in since the incident. We had a really good time it was like nothing ever happened. He was generous the whole time and treated me really well (even though he got a bit peeved when I stomped him several times in a row with my green land destruction deck when we played Magic :twisted: ).

I had a pleasant surprise when a friend invited me over to visit her and I was ambushed with a surprise party that my mom had planned! Lots of friends and family were there with well-wishes and gifts! More than that, they were curious about my new contract and the huge amount of weight I had lost (remember, the last time they saw me, I was about 300 lbs). Also, many people told me that I seemed more mature somehow, more calm.

On the drive out of town back to my home, I apologized to him for my self-entitled, bratty behavior in the past. I told him that had behaved the way I did because of my abandonment issues which were a result of him leaving. I said that I failed to realize that he also has his own suffering to bear. I revealed that I knew about how his mother and gave him up for adoption and that his adoptive mother had been cold to him, so he was not able to properly love and care about others. I told him that I forgave him for his shortcomings. He agreed with me and apologized. It was a great relief to me, and we thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the ride.

After we said our goodbyes and he left, sat down and cried for a bit. I was finally able to close the book on a lifetime of emotional struggle and I reached a new level of inner peace.

I was able to defeat my abandonment issues for good and forgive my dad because I have been able to give myself the one thing I had wanted from him my whole life: acceptance. I know things between my dad and I will be fine from here on out because because I no longer need or expect anything from him.

So much has happened lately that I will have to start a couple more threads to cover them all. This will have to do for now.

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 2:52 pm 
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Beautiful :D

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 3:49 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Beautiful :D
It really was!

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 4:49 pm 
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Stunning treat PMT

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:18 pm 
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Holy Shit

Nothing else to say, really, only..

Have you played the new pokeymens yet ? :geek:


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:20 pm 
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fufe wrote:
Holy Shit

Nothing else to say, really, only..

Have you played the new pokeymens yet ? :geek:
I'M PLAYING TEH POKEMANZ X! TEAM FROAKIE! :mrgreen:

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:25 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
fufe wrote:
Holy Shit

Nothing else to say, really, only..

Have you played the new pokeymens yet ? :geek:
I'M PLAYING TEH POKEMANZ X! TEAM FROAKIE! :mrgreen:
....Kidd, not much in life surprises me, but you do, EVERYTAIM ! :lol:


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 5:47 am 
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That was a joy to read.
Thanks for sharing that and bravo PK!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 8:14 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
fufe wrote:
Holy Shit

Nothing else to say, really, only..

Have you played the new pokeymens yet ? :geek:
I'M PLAYING TEH POKEMANZ X! TEAM FROAKIE! :mrgreen:
Man, FUCK Froakie!

Fennekin 4 LYFE.

Well, okay, I'm a biased because Fire and Psychic types are my favorite and its final form is a hybrid of those types.

Of course, you can get Charmander as well, and he trumps them all, yeah?

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2013 5:53 am 
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Thanks for sharing that, PMT.
The Pokemon Trainer wrote:
I said that I failed to realize that he also has his own suffering to bear. I revealed that I knew about how his mother and gave him up for adoption and that his adoptive mother had been cold to him, so he was not able to properly love and care about others. I told him that I forgave him for his shortcomings.
This part was absolutely fucking gorgeous. My eyes actually misted over a bit from this. :D

This is always a touching scene in parent/child (now grown up) interactions, but what REALLY makes this cool is:
The Pokemon Trainer wrote:
I was able to defeat my abandonment issues for good and forgive my dad because I have been able to give myself the one thing I had wanted from him my whole life: acceptance. I know things between my dad and I will be fine from here on out because because I no longer need or expect anything from him.
Man that felt good, even though watching from the sidelines.

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:42 am 
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This all made me think back to this thread: The Way of Pimp Tightness.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:13 am 
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roark wrote:
Thanks for sharing that, PMT.
The Pokemon Trainer wrote:
I said that I failed to realize that he also has his own suffering to bear. I revealed that I knew about how his mother and gave him up for adoption and that his adoptive mother had been cold to him, so he was not able to properly love and care about others. I told him that I forgave him for his shortcomings.
This part was absolutely fucking gorgeous. My eyes actually misted over a bit from this. :D

This is always a touching scene in parent/child (now grown up) interactions, but what REALLY makes this cool is:
The Pokemon Trainer wrote:
I was able to defeat my abandonment issues for good and forgive my dad because I have been able to give myself the one thing I had wanted from him my whole life: acceptance. I know things between my dad and I will be fine from here on out because because I no longer need or expect anything from him.
Man that felt good, even though watching from the sidelines.
Wow, man. All I can say is that I'm glad that it had a good effect on you, friend.

_________________
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:24 am 
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TheDude wrote:
This all made me think back to this thread: The Way of Pimp Tightness.
For sure :D

I've grown since then for sure. Progress is good!

_________________
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:53 am 
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One unexpected product of my journey on The Path of Pimp Tightness is the fact that I somehow have much more empathy than I used to. I'm kinder to people and much more sensitive to their feelings. When one first learns about our philosophy, the last thing that comes to their mind is empathy for your fellow man. And yet, I am much more empathetic than I used to be. I wonder why...

Has anyone else noticed a similar change within themselves?

_________________
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 6:16 am 
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Yep.

In my case, it seems that before I started cultivating a friendship with myself (and releasing stuff, befriending demons, etc), my emotions were like balloons that were tied down. I could only let myself feel so much, but no more. I chalk this up to the threat of betrayal, being hurt, etc.....

Now, it's like I don't need to tie them down; they can be allowed to soar to any height, although I still have limits, as I still have more work to do. I think i'm not nearly as scared of being hurt as before, as a large part (but still not nearly all as yet, if i'm honest) of my self-esteem seems to come from myself these days. My guess would be that externals (people, circumstances) are no longer as much of a threat as they used to be.

Another interesting thing i've noticed is that although I have much more emotional leeway, it seems to be kinda directed inwards. It's as if I used to 'bleed' them all over other people before, but now they flow freely INWARD instead of outward. I'm sure it sounds like repression to the uninitiated, but it feels like something different entirely.

But yeah - more to what you were referring to, quite often I feel compassion towards steak-eaters; even the ones who're trying to screw me over. Not always, though.....

But it's sweet, innit?

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"


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