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PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:28 pm 
In my journey, I've veered off the path that I set for myself many times. I'm still struggling with attachment, but to a much less degree than before. I'm not talking about attachment to women specifically. Rather, I have attachment to relationships with people. This must go.

Something I did last night because I could not concentrate for the life of me is to journal. I filled that page up in five minutes flat and damn my hand was cramping. Before I did the journal, I was asking myself all kinds of stupid questions. Why don't I just get everything now. Why is so difficult for me to have epiphanies now? Why is it so hard to get back in the swing of things and cop women? I hit a huge plateau and fell into a very deep valley, maybe a gorge.

Then in my journaling, I realized that I have plenty of principles, convictions, and game. I've just bottled it all up for some reason. The strongest epiphany I had while journaling for a scant five minutes was that I make things more difficult than they actually are. This has to be the true cause of my lack of progression.

I reached the staunch stage, and in attempting to combat stauchness I veered far over into left field and started just suckering out with women and with people in general.

I haven't checked a single person that needed it since the summer and some people really needed to be brought to reality if they want to deal with me. However, I just let it slide. In my attempt to win battles I did the most contradictory thing to win them. I stopped fighting them.

1. I stopped fighting the urge to smoke cigarettes.
2. I stopped fighting the urge to bite my nails.
3. I stopped fighting the urge to masturbate.
4. I stopped practicing my conversation skills.
5. I stopped actively engaging the women that are interested in me.

There's a lot more that I've stopped doing, and it's the source of my stress and attachment. I don't know what it is, but I had a dream that I coughed up my lungs from cigarettes and decided that I was going to work to quit them. Then all my other tasks that I've stopped started popping into my head.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

At what cannot be my lowest point, I thought that I don't have pimp bone in my body. That's definitely not true to reality because I sprouted within 6 months after reading Paradise's book, and I bloomed and blossomed into a force to be reckoned with after only a year on less on this site.

I'm not sure what pushups I can to do tighten my mind up. I have to take some P.E. courses to graduate college so a return to fitness is lined up for me in the near future.

I would like some input on what I can do to tighten up my mind.

Last night, I took an I.Q. and it said that my I.Q. was between 105-107. It got me thinking that I don't take care of my mind enough because I used to have an I.Q. of 133. One of my old psychologists that used to help me with my anxiety and A.D.D/A.D.H.D. (Yes, I have both). Told me that I had to be a clinical genius to be able to make it through high school and college without any treatment for my symptoms. Drugs and alcohol have definitely affected my thinking. I've come to the realization that my mind is weak in certain areas, and I want to change that.

I don't even know where I'm going with this, but in the last few weeks I gained the resolve to put down weed. That was difficult because I still remember all the good times I used to have smoking that dank. However, with my bi-polar disorder it just causes me to have mania symptoms. I'm not into that. It's still taken me more than two years to put it down.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

I did a lot of rambling because my thoughts aren't tight like they should be. My attention is carved up into a trillion little pieces right now. I have to focus on where I'm going to live, whether or not I'll actually graduate this year, what kind of job I want, if I can get a job, and how I'm going to continue my medication without health insurance wherever I live, not mention where and how I'm going to get a car to bus myself around.

So, if you've read through this thread what do you suggest that I do to tighten up where my head is at? I have a freaking psychiatrist, but sometimes I wonder if I'm a better psychiatrist than he is when I bring deep issues to him.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 7:16 pm 
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Prioritize & build a plan, a written one.
(use that journal)

What are the things you CAN change
and what are the things you have to,
just accept(?)

What things can you manage if you can´t
change them(?)

Build that mind into an orderly state of thinking.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 8:54 pm 
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Dropping the dope and poison are good first steps. Find a way of dropping them for good.

In all honesty I'd drop the shrink aswell, especially if you don't think he's worth his salt.

Seems like there's alot of judgement from you towards you. Maybe it's more about releasing certain things than any notion of tightening up your mind, which to me indicates a fight. I think releasing is the thing which gives us stronger mindsets.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:22 pm 
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http://www.naturalnews.com/040938_adhd_ ... iatry.html

also google: adhd fictitious

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:40 pm 
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weed is a crutch Titan...smoking in general is a crutch. you need to find the real problem and resolve it.
I live in one of the countries known for weed smoking and I've done my fair share of it. I know the effects can be awesome, but when the high leaves, the problems still remain.. if you stop smoking, you will have a lot more clarity.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:37 am 
I've been thinking about this topic for the last 20 minutes or so. I wanted to revisit this topic because I feel that I've been making progress.
Sai wrote:
smoking in general is a crutch. you need to find the real problem and resolve it.
if you stop smoking, you will have a lot more clarity.
^^^These two lines sum up everything about smoking. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to break free from this clutch. I'm taking a huge chunk out right now.

I realize that a lot of my problems stem from my unwillingness to accept certainty. To a large degree this deals with having my confidence dashed as a child.

Since this thread has been posted, I've come to see the futility of biting my nails, masturbating, and smoking.

What's interesting is that I magically stopped biting my finger nails when I was explaining to my brother why he should stop. I was trying to help him with his personal development. I'm not sure what happened, but over the course of a day or two I just started cleaning my nails and then let them sit.

I've also lost interest in masturbation and am currently figuring out why I still smoke. I don't know what conclusions I came to recently, but I know that I've been working hard at keeping my brother from falling victim to matrix. He's in his developing stages/formative years because he's about to hit puberty if he already isn't in it.

I've once heard the saying that there is no better way to learn something than to teach someone else. I don't know how true that is, but it makes me think.

Since reading EASYWAY, I'm starting to see the difference between habits and addictions too.

Oh yeah, I can't remember the last time I smoked weed if it was even in 2014.

The smoking issue is really getting to me though because I quit for a while and then started back again after reading EASYWAY.
Leo wrote:
In all honesty I'd drop the shrink aswell, especially if you don't think he's worth his salt.

Seems like there's alot of judgement from you towards you. Maybe it's more about releasing certain things than any notion of tightening up your mind, which to me indicates a fight. I think releasing is the thing which gives us stronger mindsets.
Most good psychiatrists don't say much. They'll just hold a mirror up to your thoughts and words.

^^^This is probably relevant as to why I've stopped a lot of stuff suddenly. I've been trying to show to my brother that he isn't accountable/responsible for everything the adult women blame him for because it's shattering his childhood confidence.
Jared wrote:
Prioritize & build a plan, a written one.
(use that journal)

What are the things you CAN change
and what are the things you have to,
just accept(?)

What things can you manage if you can´t
change them(?)

Build that mind into an orderly state of thinking.
^^^I still have the list of things that I want to change. Meraki and I had a discussion. He suggested that I was going about fixing things incorrectly. Since then, I've put the list on hold until I can solve the way I should be handling it. I figure that my list is composed of surface problems rather than root problems. Changing the outside is probably just a band-aid or something like that. However, I'm not cognizant of any root issues that I have except for nervousness, which is most likely caused by the cigarettes I smoke.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:22 am 
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Go deeper, nervousness is still too surface.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 5:46 pm 
Meraki wrote:
Go deeper, nervousness is still too surface.
I realize that I started smoking for social approval and to help me get women. It is a fallacious belief that is destroying both goals. I know now that those are terrible goals to even have, but I have to think deeper to see the interconnections.

My mother and father smoked when I was child. Mimicry is possibly stemming from my attachment to my mother. I once heard that children copy a lot of what older people do to master what they thought was an important task.

Also, I sent a you pm a long time ago. Will you get to that sometime in the next month buddy?


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:17 pm 
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One thing to experiment with if you want: Willingly feeling into the nervousness as deeply as you're able to can help guide you right to the heart of the matter, it's extremely direct. Just invite it up and be willing to feel into it fully while keeping the curiosity engaged. It is quite common to get memories and all sorts of other stuff come up, but they are coming from the source itself. The insight has a real feeling of hitting on the core of the matter, a strong feeling of knowing vs. one of a sound hypothesis.

Thinking on it, you can make infinite connections and ways of trying to piece the story together because that's what the mind does-- it can do this all day even while you are asleep. Without that connection to the source, it is essentially chewing on its own ideas that it is generating, or memories which are also its own generation, instead of translating a real experience (the feeling is real, right here, right now, and it is what it is no matter what name we give to explain it). Not unlike sexual fantasy vs. actual sex. Connect it to the feeling and your super sharp mind- which you clearly have and are fortunate, will very likely prove to be an excellent translator. Consider the term 'inquire' vs 'think about' and that can be helpful for some to get in touch with the different quality.. your mind and intellect are still in the mix but in a different way.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:35 pm 
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I agree with what Flow said.
Quote:
I realize that I started smoking for social approval and to help me get women. It is a fallacious belief that is destroying both goals. I know now that those are terrible goals to even have, but I have to think deeper to see the interconnections.

My mother and father smoked when I was child. Mimicry is possibly stemming from my attachment to my mother. I once heard that children copy a lot of what older people do to master what they thought was an important task.
= story

The map is not the territory.

Try feeling without labeling. Like Flow said, you're intellectualizing and focusing very heavily on the labels. Try bypassing all that for now. Just focus on the extremely direct experience of whatever you are feeling in the moment. If a label pops up, just say, "thanks label" and go right back to the direct feeling.

If you don't append the label, "this is nervousness" then is it still nervousness? If you don't append the label "this is bad" then is it still bad? If you don't append the label "this is uncomfortable" then is it still uncomfortable?

Are the feelings you have the problem, or is the problem simply the fact that you have decided to label that the feelings you are having as problems?
Quote:
Also, I sent a you pm a long time ago. Will you get to that sometime in the next month buddy?
I've been off the grid for a couple months. You did start your PM with, "I know I should be using the search function". So maybe you should do that. I ain't here to spoonfeed you... ;) 8-)

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:19 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
I find it difficult to believe that something that has no scientific merit would remain for so long. I think that too many people are medicated and wouldn't take medication myself. The theories and models have changed A.D.D doesn't exist it's A.D.H.D which splits in into inattentive or compulsive or both.

I have compulsive/inattentive and just plan ahead to compensate for the disorganization, forgetfulness, not prioritizing tasks. Medication is an easy way to avoid confronting your weakness.

Or maybe not. Idk, I fit all the criteria though.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:33 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
That, and the whole thing w/Caduceus today

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 3:45 am 
Meraki wrote:
I've been off the grid for a couple months. You did start your PM with, "I know I should be using the search function". So maybe you should do that. I ain't here to spoonfeed you... ;) 8-)
Baby I can't find it. ;)

In all seriousness though, I have searched for the books you mentioned and cannot find the titles on Amazon, especially the Osho. I might be getting the authors' names wrong though.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 3:46 am 
Altair wrote:
peregrinus wrote:
I find it difficult to believe that something that has no scientific merit would remain for so long. I think that too many people are medicated and wouldn't take medication myself. The theories and models have changed A.D.D doesn't exist it's A.D.H.D which splits in into inattentive or compulsive or both.

I have compulsive/inattentive and just plan ahead to compensate for the disorganization, forgetfulness, not prioritizing tasks. Medication is an easy way to avoid confronting your weakness.

Or maybe not. Idk, I fit all the criteria though.
You would be surprised about what remains in medicine/science.

Psychiatry is the newest form of medicine. How does one build a pedigree? Longevity.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 6:45 pm 
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You lack of searching skill and/or tenacity is disappointing...

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=3582

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=3760#p37618

GP Walsh - no specific book, mostly just many videos and such from Balls project (only available to BP members).

Greg Goode - Standing as Awareness and The Direct Path: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_ ... eg%20goode

Adyashanti - I haven't ready many of his books, but I've watched almost every one of his youtube videos: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_ ... lters=long

Osho - http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Matters-From- ... B003J5UHX8

Anthony De Mello: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y3Q7H2 ... 4ED7F7B18B

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 9:34 pm 
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GP has a free ebook that a lot of people have really liked a lot, which is a good summary of the approach. It's called Angels in the Basement - I believe someone put a link to it on here, if not I think you can get it thru his homepage. Tao of allowing is also $2.00 or so in kindle format.

Also FYI clips from those videos mentioned are starting to be regularly put on the BP youtube channel.

Adyashanti has an excellent book called 'the way of liberation' which is a completely free download from his website.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 6:22 am 
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Curiously enough I actually didn't like Way of Liberation. Felt it wasn't nearly as good as just watching a video from him... Just my personal opinion though - I also read it after I had already read a lot of other books, so it could just be that it wasn't really targeted at me, but rather at someone newer to inner work, etc...

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:39 am 
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Meraki wrote:
Curiously enough I actually didn't like Way of Liberation. Felt it wasn't nearly as good as just watching a video from him... Just my personal opinion though - I also read it after I had already read a lot of other books, so it could just be that it wasn't really targeted at me, but rather at someone newer to inner work, etc...
I haven't read the book, yet.
But I enjoyed so much the end of your world audio series.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 4:59 pm 
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Yeah, end of your world was fantastic. I use the "Download Helper" extension on Firefox to rip the audio into MP3s from all of Adyashanti's youtube videos and listen to them on my phone. They're great and his voice is so soothing.

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 12:18 am 
I've never used the bookmark or subscribe function but that changed today.


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