Natural Freedom

At a family wedding last night, busy helping out and so wasn't particularly talking or mingling with anyone. I was standing in line to grab some cake; zoned out, a little tired and frankly bored, when a gal turned around and started a conversation with me as we sauntered along. I was a little taken aback, perhaps distracted. The talk was light and fun, we played a little game and everything just flowed even though it took me a while to realise I was very attracted to her. She sent me a few strong confirmations, but after 20 minutes I felt the need to make myself scarce and I found a perfect excuse to make my exuent off stage. I went for a wander and reflected on how I was comfortably in the driving seat. Nothing needed to be done.

An hour or so later and she made a bee-line for me across the dance floor and began talking to me about our earlier business, but I (slightly rudely in hindsight) said I needed to go and fix some lighting. After my task I laboured in my mind for the next hour over how aloof I must have seemed, and that I regretted it. I fought a little to let this fucker go, but eventually found that I was too tired to worry about it and accepted that I had nothing to apologise for, nor even to think about. I took up a position at the bar by myself and sipped on my ale, watching the people do what they do. Time passed and this lass and her friends passed by. We reacquainted our previous good vibe, talked and laughed. When her taxi came to pick them up, I was as apathetic as could be. She eventually came out with 'If I stay will you dance?'. I nodded, and as she went to say her goodbyes I suddenly got a real nervous feeling in my stomach, like being burdened with a pressure or a challenge of some sorts. 'There is no spoon' was a mantra I had to reaffirm within.

Now this is where it really got interesting from a leading perspective. I couldn't really be bothered to dance because my legs felt like dead weight but I did anyway, and infact everything she suggested I simply let myself go along with. I let her lead the conversation, I let her decide when she wanted to dance, when she wanted to go back to the bar and talk and so on. She led me. Usually this would be out of the question, but I was comfortable with her and found it an interesting excercise to let myself(ego) go and just do whatever. We had a good time, and eventually she led me into the dark orchid where we got it the hell on for a solid half hour - no sex but nonetheless it was fucking awesome. I felt that. The perfect culmination, and I've got to be honest, an expected one.

I wanted to take her to bed and fuck her 'til the sun came up but there was no space for that and taking that way wasn't on my agenda. She got cabs with 20-30 others, and we parted ways. I deliberately held back from acquiring her details because I knew if it came to it then I could get them from my sister. Who knows If I'll see her again, but the main point is that it didn't feel incongruent at all to allow her some, or even all the leadership.

What are your feelings about the notion of being led? Granted this won't always fly, but I'm content to have bent the rules slightly and still have gotten away with it.

Nice story Leo. I've been doing this for a couple months now, although usually if I do like the girl, then I will put some effort into making it easy, and help a little bit at friction points. Like I will make it easy and convenient for us to end up at my house or her house without other friends coming with us, for example.

I've found that its common for girls to lead all the way right up to kissing, but they will stop right before the first kiss, and be unable to make that move. They will just sit there and chat and glance longingly at my lips periodically, but they have such a hard time just going for it.

So, usually, I'll let her feel the discomfort for a while, let the tension build, and then I'll just either wait for a pause, or just tell her to stop talking, and kiss her. Several times, as soon as I've broken through that perceived barrier, its like the floodgates open up and this held back momentum suddenly free to move will have her ripping her clothes off as well as mine, and I'll have to force her to slow down so we can both enjoy the process a bit more. Quite fun.

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A similar fun thing to do is to take this to the next level, and try to meet every single moment as if the previous moment never happened, and with no concern for what future moments will come. So, you don't for example try to get her contact info, but you also don't intentionally hold back from it, if its the natural thing to do. Its an exercise in not trying to do anything - just letting everything happen as it happens.

An analogy is like driving a car - most people are gripping the wheel with all their might, and straining as hard as they can to get the car to go where they want it too. Meeting every moment like the past before it and the future coming after it don't exist is like letting go of the wheel, and sliding over into the passenger seat and seeing where the car will drive itself. Surprisingly, the car often drives quite nicely when you let go of control, let go of the lead, and just let things happen as they will happen.

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"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho

her place or yours?

Hmm, interesting. Confirmed what I felt about it. I genuinely felt like doing nothing that night. I got a little wound up at certain points but in essence I was relaxed and not seeking any sort of validation or attention. Infact I deliberately shunned attention all night. The things that happen when you're not really looking for them

Anyhow she sent me a note the following day, providing contact details. I'll consider the invitation.