| Natural Freedom http://naturalfreedom.info/ |
|
| Sort of an Update http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3451 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | Aragorn [ Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Sort of an Update |
Hey guys, So I had a quite interesting summer, let me recap and then go back to pushing my body off the ground, with the help of pecs, shoulders and triceps. -Finally plucked up the courage to actually go and record my raps. I now write almost every day, at least a half a verse, should be receiving my first mastered track and impressed a local rapper enough to appear on his mixtape. I want to pursue this badly, not gonna lie. -I meditate and excercise daily now (have been slacking with meditation these past couple of days because of work), but even that was being half-assed until I listened to an Allan Watts tape on the idea behind it (the complete opposite of what I was doing, i.e. goal oriented meditaiton). I listen and sit with things I repress and reject. Its terrifying, cleansing and weird. -Having writing sessions where I bust out 2-3 pages in a half an hour with no filter has also been good. Especially when I can go through it one more time and see delusions, repressed thoughts, or analyze it differently without emotion. -Work has really been peeling back layers, because my job is to do what I find most uncomfortable (talk to people I'm not comfortable with and not care about them being dicks sometimes, have a high pressure boss who expects a lot, work consistently). Basically, it's been frustrating because it shows true issues that I can't hide behind. I was thinking of quitting due to stress, but then realize that that was a band-aid. It'd follow me throughout my entire life. -The whole concept of trying to be indifferent has sort of clicked. I see how everything was just a way to cover up all my "demons" - my insecurities, my need for reassurance from others, my manipulation tendencies, jealousy. It all was a way to get those needs met, with more and more discreet ways so that I could temporarily delude myself before the old anger and depression came back. I can't really see the end of it all just yet, but I'm not covering it up anymore. I see the round peg in square hole mentality of covering up internal issues with external sources. -The root of all this is my feeling of not belonging and being completely different than others. I know where it stems from, so all that's left is to sit with it, and let it be. But like I said, although I can theoretically and logically come up with a lot of things, truly letting this go is something I can't imagine. It's like saying to myself - "Man, fuck gravity. Jump off the ledge, it's all in your head!" It's that strong. So yeah, I know myself better now. I have moments where it's all good, but then I go deeper and shit gets darker. But it feels...real. I've also been Skyping with a forum member from here (reveal yourself, if you wish), and that's been incredible. Actually talking out loud, in person, sharing ideas makes this all real. So I'll finish it with a quote that I've been following (or doing my best to) - "I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it." Peace, Moose |
|
| Author: | fufe [ Sun Sep 01, 2013 2:06 am ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Sort of an Update | |
I'm surprised you are rapping and writing lyrics (on the other hand I am not really). I used that too for a while and lately I have been contemplating singing - I have a huge block about that, my voice is pretty much blocked when it comes to singing
Actually talking out loud, in person, sharing ideas makes this all real.
I miss thatPeace to you too |
||
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC+01:00 |
| Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited https://www.phpbb.com/ |
|