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| Was I being too staunch? http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3354 |
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| Author: | caliboy85 [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 11:36 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Was I being too staunch? |
This weekend my parents and I went on a trip from Atlanta to DC for an annual ethiopian soccer tournament on DC.Anyways, last night a friend of my fathers who he ran into at the hotel lobby wanted me to go partying with his daughter.Of course I couldn't turn that down.So I arrive at the lobby and he introduces me to all of the girls(there was about 6 of them) after I introduce myself and we head into the SUV (The girls bro is driving).On the way to the club I do say much except some small talk with the brother do he doesn't feel threatened.4 of the girls are dropped off at another club.The brother drops us off at another club.Now there is only 3 of us me,the daufhter, and her friend(who is a diva queen).She literally rejected/or pushed away every single guy that tried to dance with them.I didn't want to feed her ego so I played it cool drinking my water and posting up at the bar table.The daughter noticed that I wasn't dancing and asked if I was Bored and I was likeno just chilling.Anyways I walked around the club and surveyed the environment.I walked back towards the daughter took off my fedora hat,smiled and walked away.Ten minutes later she comes back to me and puts the hat back on me with a smile.Anyways,I noticed that the girl and her friend were dancing alone the entire night brushing off every guy that tried to dance with them.Anyways that didn't stop me from doing my thing I got myself a couple of drinks and danced either by myself or in a crowd of people.Then I said fuck it and told told the girl lets dance.So we danced for a couple mins,then she left.I made sure to keep space.Most of the girls in the club were ethiopian and being a restricting/conservative culture there was no grinding or making out which is gay.Anyways, after a couple songs she went back to diva queen.I went back to doing my thing(i did notice alot of jocking from other girls in the club.They saw this and I saw them in peripheral but i I'm not about to be anyone's puppy dog chasing tail around the club.Later on the daughter comes to get me since her bro is outside to take us back to the hotel.As we approach the front I offer the daughter my number and tell her that she can shoot me a text sometime in Atlanta.She says her battery is dead(which is true) cuz diva queen took my number earlier that night took my number in case we got lost cuz old girls phone is dead.When we got back in the car and she turned on her phone after charging i was tempted to offer her my number again but i resisted. We arrive back at the hotel and i say thanks to her brother give her a hug(which she did seem to reciprocrate)and go to my room.Anyways,this is the first time I hung out with a group of ethiopian girls without pursuing hard.What I sensed from this girl was not alot of disinterest but not a lot of interest either,at least she wasn't blatantly showing it but she is difficult to read.Its very possible I could run into her again in atlanta through family function. |
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| Author: | Dali [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 1:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
No, that was not the issue  , let me tell you, you were using a horse blinker on that diva queen. And all that you did in the night was focusing on her even when you deny it consciously and internally, because in the exterior all your actions even if they where deliberately made to unfocus off of her, she still was on your mind, and you know how that kind of bitches observe then read this behavior like a child's book, subconsciously for this matter.Just sayin' 
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| Author: | caliboy85 [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 2:28 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
I often hear in these forums don't show them your poker hand and that's what I was trying to do |
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| Author: | Sai [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 2:33 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
did you stop to think that the "diva queen" may like you, secretly? a few years ago, I went out with my ( then) girl, a female friend and a "Diva type". when approached all night, the Diva Queen would stick her hand out and point to me and said that they were all there with me. a few months later she called me and confessed her feelings for me 
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| Author: | Sai [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 2:33 am ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? | |
I often hear in these forums don't show them your poker hand and that's what I was trying to do
what was your poker hand?
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| Author: | Meraki [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 2:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
Caliboy. First off, can we get some paragraphs please? Grammar makes it easier to read things. Second, you may have "not pursued hard," but you were still pursuing. Have you gone out by yourself or with a group and literally just done nothing and purely observed? Try it. Just observe. Don't dance, don't give out your number, don't talk to anyone unless they talk to you. Just see what happens. |
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| Author: | caliboy85 [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 3:08 am ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? | ||
I often hear in these forums don't show them your poker hand and that's what I was trying to do
what was your poker hand? |
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| Author: | Flow83 [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:00 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
One thing to keep in mind: If we watched a video of a great performer and then you made mental notes: "he's on stage and clearly doesn't care what anyone thinks. He's having fun but clearly has his material DOWN. He's quick and improvises well with the audience." You can't just walk up on stage the next day and 'do' those things like it's some kind of behavior. "Well, I got up on stage, I tried not to give a damn, i tried to have fun and tried to be in the present moment, I tried to do all the stuff I saw in the video and it didn't work" Those are qualities that are the result of work and training.Something to be developed, over time and paying dues. It applies to anything. Kudos for going out and applying things- that alone is taking steps most will not take! Just respect the process, you're talking about changing your paradigm, not just taking slightly different actions because you remember reading something. Give it time to integrate into something you are BEING (as in the title) vs. some actions you are DOING, while thinking about them. Anything unnatural starts with practice but takes a lot of repetition and/or internal reinforcement to become the new "you." You can't be attached to interactions going a certain way while you are training. If you are unlearning bad habits swinging a baseball bat, for a little while you are re-learning, you're not going to be hitting home runs. You may do WORSE than you were before. Then it gets much, much better
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| Author: | caliboy85 [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
Got you flow,stop worrying about getting results when you are still in training.This is a process not something that happens overnight.Like rebuilding a golf swing. |
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| Author: | Altair [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:56 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
I get the impression there is more than what you said. The two things that stick out most is her leaving first when you were dancing and you going for a hug at the end of the night. ...tighten it up sir
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| Author: | The Kidd!! [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
Yeah...he's witholding info and I can't even |
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| Author: | peregrinus [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 6:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
the title is : Was I being too staunch? Asking that question is a fail all by itself. |
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| Author: | caliboy85 [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:16 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? | |
I get the impression there is more than what you said.
I don't know man I did say id like to have one dance with you before the night is over then i grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the diva queen to go to the dance floor.She was a little resistant but followed me.Either she was really shy or she didnt want to show the other girl that she was easy.One other thing is when i got in to the car i positioned myself on the left passanger side and she entered from the other side and positioned herself on the opposite right passenger side,there was a seat in the middle she could of took but didn't take i.I did hug everyone including her brother and the girl he was with when we got to the lobby because i know i may run into the family again and its rude in ethiopian culture not to do that when you leave.
The two things that stick out most is her leaving first when you were dancing and you going for a hug at the end of the night. ...tighten it up sir |
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| Author: | Altair [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
What I generally do if I like one of them, is observe when indifference and space are beginning to have an effect and then give back a little bit not a lot though. Just a subtle look or something maybe. And I leave all the logistics up to them, like getting numbers and all that...not my problem. |
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| Author: | Scarf [ Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:45 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? | |
Was I being too staunch?
I'm going to have to update my dictionary. I'm guessing staunch means stand-offish? The question, along with the story, implies that you technique-d you're way through, kind of like a pick up artist. Nothing to be a ashamed of, it's just there is a difference in the philosophy of the two worlds. You can use an opener and then create emotional connection and then create physical connection and then....and then.... ...works just fine (depending on who you talk to). But you can't walk up to the girl and then create space and then be staunch and then admire the beauty of life  it just doesn't work like that. The whole space concept is more like an idea related to life in general. I would suggest (personally) that the best way to get a feel or an understanding of it is to examine physical space. This means moving your focus away from the physical aspects that you see around you and examine the 'space' perhaps in between the words you're reading now. You'll notice that as you look at the space in between the words, you'll still be able to read the words but the space is what occupies the forefront of your mind. Take your eyes away from the screen and examine the space around the room - none of the items - but the space that occupies it. You'll see all of it just fine but for the first time, you'll see space. You can also do this with people. If you look at the space in front of the person instead of the person physically, they will feel more inclined to get closer to you because they still feel the psychological space you have afforded them. Once you get used to the idea, you'll be able to use it more from a psychological standpoint. The space concept affords great, great relaxation. |
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| Author: | fufe [ Tue Jul 09, 2013 7:10 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? | |
The whole space concept is more like an idea related to life in general. I would suggest (personally) that the best way to get a feel or an understanding of it is to examine physical space. This means moving your focus away from the physical aspects that you see around you and examine the 'space' perhaps in between the words you're reading now. You'll notice that as you look at the space in between the words, you'll still be able to read the words but the space is what occupies the forefront of your mind.
This is interesting, never thought of that. I'm going to give it a go.Take your eyes away from the screen and examine the space around the room - none of the items - but the space that occupies it. You'll see all of it just fine but for the first time, you'll see space. You can also do this with people. If you look at the space in front of the person instead of the person physically, they will feel more inclined to get closer to you because they still feel the psychological space you have afforded them. Once you get used to the idea, you'll be able to use it more from a psychological standpoint. The space concept affords great, great relaxation. Long time ago I didn't like you Scarf for your style, but now I love it !
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| Author: | Flow83 [ Tue Jul 09, 2013 7:59 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? | ||
Was I being too staunch?
I'm going to have to update my dictionary. I'm guessing staunch means stand-offish? The question, along with the story, implies that you technique-d you're way through, kind of like a pick up artist. Nothing to be a ashamed of, it's just there is a difference in the philosophy of the two worlds. You can use an opener and then create emotional connection and then create physical connection and then....and then.... ...works just fine (depending on who you talk to). But you can't walk up to the girl and then create space and then be staunch and then admire the beauty of life it just doesn't work like that. The whole space concept is more like an idea related to life in general. I would suggest (personally) that the best way to get a feel or an understanding of it is to examine physical space. This means moving your focus away from the physical aspects that you see around you and examine the 'space' perhaps in between the words you're reading now. You'll notice that as you look at the space in between the words, you'll still be able to read the words but the space is what occupies the forefront of your mind. Take your eyes away from the screen and examine the space around the room - none of the items - but the space that occupies it. You'll see all of it just fine but for the first time, you'll see space. You can also do this with people. If you look at the space in front of the person instead of the person physically, they will feel more inclined to get closer to you because they still feel the psychological space you have afforded them. Once you get used to the idea, you'll be able to use it more from a psychological standpoint. The space concept affords great, great relaxation. It is also an ancient practice to focus on the silence between words when listening to people speak. The "space" where words arise from, where actions arise from. BEing is the core issue here, but your story, description and questions are actually all about DOing. One analogy my teacher has used is -- do you want to LOOK like an athlete / make people think you are one (behaviors, look etc), or do you actually want to BE one? That's a whole other thing and a much deeper level of training and commitment. |
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| Author: | caliboy85 [ Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
After I went back to my room I felt like I didn't engage the girls enough and actually felt a little guilty that I was being arrogant and too gamey and that I should have bought them drinks and give them just a little attention and then ball steal later.I don't know,even though I didn't tried to be all up in their ass or give them attention I still felt a loss at the end of the night.The loss tells me that even though I manipulated my actions not to be all up on them there must of been an outcome I had in my mind. |
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| Author: | The Kidd!! [ Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
I've NEVER engaged in ANY ball stealing that involved buying drinks...take that as you may. FYI...I've never engaged in buying drinks either...though I have had drinks bought for me. 
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| Author: | caliboy85 [ Tue Jul 09, 2013 9:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Was I being too staunch? |
Kidd from what you read do you think you think this thing is still alive if we cross roads in Atlanta? |
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