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"It's called having better game"
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Author:  TheDude [ Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:56 pm ]
Post subject:  "It's called having better game"
(This happened a few days ago)

Backstory: This is one of the girls that is in the same organization in school of which I'm in. Hung out in social settings, but nothing much. I could sense she was jocking before, but is aggressive and fronts.

A city event was going on this night and the city was wild! Parties everywhere. I just get off a 10+ shift at work and was set on going out even though I had work in the early morning again.

Hit her up and meet her and her friends later in the night. I meet with her and all her gfs. Me and this girl, lets cal her Cindy, were on from the start. For whatever reason she was fronting way less tonight. I sensed it was different from the beginning we met that nite.

A lot of touching was going on and fast forward...we're making out in front of her friends place. She starts asking me questions about how come I kissed her and all this stuff. To clarify she was giving tongue and biting my lips, so I found the "asking why" somewhat off topic, but I was straight up with her. I sensed she began to feel "out of control of the situation" and panicked a bit with the questions. It took out the flow of the interaction for me; turn off.

We leave her friends house and her friend is making sure I walk her home. I let Cindy know my place is across the street, lets go there. She said no lets go to her place...then it gets fuzzy, because I was a bit drunk. Next thing I know she's walking home by herself and I'm walking home too.

I text her "let me know if you got home safely".
No response.
A bit worried in the morning (guilt :oops: ) and sent another text.
No response.

[Here's where I lost my footing]

Another text...
Dude: Hey sorry for not walking you home :/ not sure what happened
Cindy: I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself.

I leave it at that.

Later...send some other childish texts that really have no content other than filling space. (drunk)

Day after, and I'm not sure why I texted the following texts (was drinking with my sister when this occurred), but it happened.

Dude: Do you want to hangout later or just have that kissing a one night drunk thing ;P
Cindy: LOL! What's with the winky faces??
Dude: lol. What's with evading the question??
Dude: I'm fine with both; friends or friends+
Cindy: It's called having better game.
Dude: Ok cool

*face palm*
(cracks me up going through this again, ego hurt a bit, but nothing ground moving. LEARNING LESSONS)
When I wrote "ok cool" I was sincerely not tripping. I was only upset at my logical malfunction.

The scenarios that I think could possible play out:
a) It's done. Goodbye.

b) The indifference and not chasing stirs her curiosity enough to where she wants to hangout again after dealing with a bunch of symps.
Star_Above talking about frontin wrote:
It just means that she's into you but for whatever reason is playing hard to get and is saying she's not. One big one is that she does like you, but gets more of an ego boost from rejecting you than being with you (If you're putting it out there that you like her), then as soon as you don't want her the ego boost for her will come from getting you so she'll be on your tip hard. As a general rule YOU playing hard to get and showing no interest will get her to quit fronting and chase you.
Let me know what you guys think.
Author:  peregrinus [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 12:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
TheDude wrote:
It took out the flow of the interaction for me; turn off.
It was meant to.
Author:  TheDude [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
peregrinus wrote:
TheDude wrote:
It took out the flow of the interaction for me; turn off.
It was meant to.
More work is needed then.

What would be the reason she did that...was it because I was filling up the space?
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 3:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
You lost your footing as soon as you initiated that kiss. ;)
Author:  Dali [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 4:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
What exactly means the "straight up with her" part?

And compare it that with the "scenario you want to play out", specifically with the the b) bullet. [Remember the FWB's you said you wanted earlier in some post of you]

I love the fucking hypnomaster level of ambiguity girls use, it amazes me so much! (Just check your title) 8-)
When I have the oportunity, I like to mess with their heads applying the same tricks [jff].
Author:  Flow83 [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 4:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
Re: option b, I would be surprised if she would consider you "indifferent non pursuer" any time too soon after sending a barrage of attached-pursuer texts.

I would explore what was behind that a little deeper than "I was drunk" as though that just covers everything. I somehow doubt drunk Kidd starts doing that.
Quote:
Dude: I'm fine with both; friends or friends+
Amazing how many things are communicated by this text. Especially in context of the story, you will probably find several things about it. It doesn't warrant an actual response - Her response:
Quote:
Cindy: It's called having better game.
Sums it up and it is no coincidence that specific text practically forced her hand to that response.

I would also look at all the other places where you were/are being inauthentic -- "let me know you got home safely" etc. as though she doesn't know exactly why you sent that.
Author:  TheDude [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
I knew this thread was gonna burn my ego, but I'm glad I put it up.

The Kidd!! wrote:
You lost your footing as soon as you initiated that kiss. ;)
Thxs for that observation. :D

Dali wrote:
What exactly means the "straight up with her" part?
I let her know I wasn't interested in a relationship.

Flow83 wrote:
Re: option b, I would be surprised if she would consider you "indifferent non pursuer" any time too soon after sending a barrage of attached-pursuer texts.
Agree.
Quote:
I would explore what was behind that a little deeper than "I was drunk" as though that just covers everything. I somehow doubt drunk Kidd starts doing that.
I've been feeling lonely as of late; haven't fully become my own best friend. I also still derive a bit of worth from women.
Quote:
Dude: I'm fine with both; friends or friends+
Quote:

Amazing how many things are communicated by this text. Especially in context of the story, you will probably find several things about it. It doesn't warrant an actual response...Sums it up and it is no coincidence that specific text practically forced her hand to that response.
Agree, it was my own sloppy play that had me served.
Quote:
I would also look at all the other places where you were/are being inauthentic -- "let me know you got home safely" etc. as though she doesn't know exactly why you sent that.
Thanks for bringing this up.
Author:  Scarf [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 7:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
Dali wrote:
What exactly means the "straight up with her" part?


60 points to Dali...!

Quote:
Backstory:
Quote:
I was straight up with her.

I think the real question is if guys really don't know what went wrong, why do they always leave the relevant bit out of the story?

Everything else gets included, it's just that bit.

Temporary memory loss perhaps.
Author:  peregrinus [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
TheDude wrote:
What would be the reason she did that...was it because I was filling up the space?
What is your gut telling you?

What do you think the reason is?

You do know.. It is in that memory blank that Scarf references in his last message.
Author:  Flow83 [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
TheDude wrote:
I let her know I wasn't interested in a relationship.
-----
TheDude wrote:
Hit her up
TheDude wrote:
I text her "let me know if you got home safely".
TheDude wrote:
A bit worried in the morning (guilt ) and sent another text.
TheDude wrote:
Another text...Dude: Hey sorry for not walking you home :/ not sure what happened
--
TheDude wrote:
after dealing with a bunch of symps
:?

I would add to look at where you are being inauthentic with yourself.
You can read, think and say one thing.
The actions show what's real.

Also, what do your actions show you about what you really want (nod to Dali) from this girl -- which has absolutely nothing to do with the "friends+" you say you want?

I don't see these actions as "bad plays" -- I see them as the truth leaking out through the facade. Way more mileage out of working with the source than building a better a persona.
Author:  Meraki [ Sat Jul 06, 2013 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
Damn...

Its a good thing we all know TheDude is mature enough to be able to handle a little constructive criticism and not just get all defensive and pissed off, because you guys are killing it.

Flow, Dali, Scarf, G, and Kidd - my hat is off.
Author:  TheDude [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 4:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
peregrinus wrote:
TheDude wrote:
What would be the reason she did that...was it because I was filling up the space?
What is your gut telling you?

What do you think the reason is?

You do know.. It is in that memory blank that Scarf references in his last message.
I do know. Two reasons...one, I'm incongruent (flow called it out). Second, I feel incomplete.

To add more to the first...I say I want to date openly, but at the moment I can't emotionally. I have unfinished business with myself. I put on a mask and put it on pretty well, but when I get drunk the truth reveals itself.

_______________________________________
Flow83 wrote:
I would add to look at where you are being inauthentic with yourself.
You can read, think and say one thing.
The actions show what's real.

Also, what do your actions show you about what you really want (nod to Dali) from this girl -- which has absolutely nothing to do with the "friends+" you say you want?
It showed I wanted more than just sex. I sought: acceptance; validation;someone to embrace ME.
Flow83 wrote:
The amount of stuff we project onto women in particular is almost unbelievable. The more of it you see, and the more of it that drops away, it will be impossible to fathom how much of a 'big deal' the topic was. You'll see things more as they are and stop trying to get things from them that they cannot possibly give you.

As long as you ascribe attributes to them like your sense of value, acceptance, love/approval, accomplishment, being a man, being good enough, being badass enough (ie "look everyone, look how much I don't care about women!") then it will be impossible to reach a level of peace and indifference. You will be a slave to some degree and telling yourself you aren't will just be posturing.
ALL OF THIS!
Author:  TheDude [ Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
Thxs everyone for your comments! It helped show me things I wasn't aware of and leveled me out. :)
Author:  Leo [ Mon Jul 15, 2013 2:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
Alcohol to excess sucks. I'd refrain from mixing drink and women unless you know them extremely well and are comfortable, or even drink and social situations because you'll never be in control and keep on creating these really poor interactions - pushing, chasing, space filling as opposed to being the space itself, giving her complete control by asking her what she wants to do, that you're 'fine with friends or friends +'; If you had created any mystery in this interaction, then this would have been the sentence to destroy that. Being fine with either/or is to not explicitly have to tell her, because obviously doing so implies you were not fine with either. Instead you apologise for not walking her home, out of some conditioned interpretation of chivalry.

That said, it has been useful in so much that you've managed to surface certain things so they are not hidden anymore. I made a decision some time ago to stop drinking to excess in ALL social situations, whether with men or women. I'm content with having a dark side(not so much a 'side' as it IS myself, but useful for clarification), and if people see it then so be it, but If my interactions are affected by alcohol and it makes me feel like a dork then I have to cut it out. So consider it is all I can advise.
Author:  Jared [ Mon Jul 15, 2013 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "It's called having better game"
Meraki wrote:
Damn...

Its a good thing we all know TheDude is mature enough to be able to handle a little constructive criticism and not just get all defensive and pissed off, because you guys are killing it.
Yeah. Seems.

Now, generally:

Two questions when learning/being open to criticism are;
(when ready to take honest feedback from others)

1) For example?
2) Tell me more...

And then just listen to what other people have to say, without
getting defensive. It´s when there is an opportunity for honest
feedback. This doesn´t mean that you get to trash the other
person.
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