Natural Freedom

Hey guys. Here's an extended conservation I had with this girl on Facebook chat. I mentioned this girl in an earlier post http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3022

Ya i know...facebook chat is a red flag already
Really, this conversation didn't go as bad as it could have. I was definitely filling space here and i totally didn't have to. I was sitting in the library waiting, doing nothing, was on facebook and saw she was on so i decided i would chat her up. She had been showing me attention this weekend at my high school prom and I have felt a rise in sexual tension over the past few weeks, this is what prompted me to fill space. I'd probably be in a better spot if i just didn't initiate this conversation...anyways here it is:

me: dude fuck dis i dont wanna study for marx

her:i dont know what to say im trying

me: why even try

her:i wrote down a bunch of bullshit

me: i wouldnt be if i didnt have to wait in the library for my next client cuz my last client just blew me off

her: harsh

me: ya but my policy is you still gotta pay if you reschedule the day of

her: haha you are ridiculous

me: not even, you can't even imagine the audacity of some kids and parents to cancel on me

her:why?

me: i had to enact that policy, they were wasting my precious time and stressing me out

her: people cancel on me at the last miute all the time
i just let it go (this chick is pretty in-tune)

me: i think tutoring has been a bigger part of my life than yours (arrogantly/awkwardly worded...started to go downhill from here, was talking too much to begin with)
i let it go for awhile, but then they take it for granted and see how far they can take it
ive made a substantial amount of money basically for free from this policy so i think its, wait for it....
GOOD POLICY (cliche our teacher Marx always says)

her: god don't say that
i mean idk on my last tutoring sessions, ive been getting pretty nice presents

me: i think most of my clients are pretty sick of me by now haaaaaa
not me personally cuz im a suck up, but sick of me siphoning their wallets

her: how much do you charge again

me:30$
/hr

her: yer nuts
me: it was a necessary move, I was waaaaay overscheduled (yada-yada...talking too much. She was definitely controlling the conversation)
This is pretty funny...once i started making a lot of money and the stress started to weigh down on me, idk if this was intentional or not, but i started being such a prick to some parents
it would be through text so idk if they caught on, but i wouldnt answer them for hours and then finally give them some blunt 1-word response
solved my problem of being over booked (da-fuq am i saying...nice ego bro )

her: haha jeez.... i mean i just tutored three different
people
but like i tutored one every day so it was more than enough for me

me: ya for me, there was a point where i would get a new client literally everyday.
Often times i'd be dealing with the kids too, so obviously they don't jave the foresight to not schedule the day before their test
And so I would have to fit them all into a schedule and be very flexible...now you can see why i got fed up with cancellations

her: i see i see
but more importantly tutoring and school end in approximately 1 day!!1
yipeeeeeeeee

me: ya fuck this academia-based conversation
i got bored talking about it and i usually never get bored talking about myself =p (stupid semi-sarcastic projection )
let's see...what are your plans for summa

her: well im going to hawaii in 3 days
!
then im going to orientation in like a week
and then like literally nothing and i dont really want to do anything besides relax

me: what u doing in hawaii

her:what are yours
playing shoccer

me:ooo last tourney??!

her: depends if we win or not...
but hopefully we do and then i get to go to Kansas! haha

me: ...ha!
well I'm going to London in 2 weeks

her: daa fuck
for how long

me: cuz im a posh british bastard
til july 18th

her: thats like 3 weeks

me: im gunna backpack around with dchen logs farkas and shark for a couple weeks thne kick it with my dad for a little

her: thats gonna be a shitshow
but so fun

me: i know its gunna be great...those are my best buds right there
I can't wait to show them around
im curious to see how shark and max act though ajahadhjadh

her: farkas is your best bud

me: well really i was speaking about dchen and logan, my top 2 buds. Farkas gets honorable mention though because its always great to have someone to laugh at (though this is a somewhat accurate description of my feeling towards my friend and I would say this to his face, I feel kind of dirty reading it back. I shouldn't really be shit talking my own friend, even if my intentions weren't to make an insult but a joke...)

like me dylan and logan are fairly normal, but max and shark just do random, ridiculous shit
unexplainable shit

her: okay logan is not fairly normal
like no...

Well theres a certain standard of deviation from normal and logan falls within that standard...max is just off the wall
cuz logan knows he's weird, thats part of his personality...but farkas' brain just goes haywire because of his add and he just says/does the stupidest, funniest shit
and then shark is just a weird asian...you know what i'm talking about

her: haha alright i guesssss
but yeah i gotta go to practice
so adios
good luck studying
or not

me:gotta tutor then smoke weed so fuck it. peace (sounds so douchy out of context).

What I have learned from reading it back:
A. Being facetious on facebook chat = no good. Facebook chat in general = no good. Tempts me to talk too much and say stupid shit. Easy opportunity to ball steal for her
B. Need to stick to my guns a bit more.
C. Talk less, get her to talk more. I even acknowledged i was talking about myself too much and i didn't stop then. I tend to do that at times...need to practice cherry picking more / give more thought into what i say.

Ugh... I would punch you in the scrotum for this, but you acknowledge your mistakes and you also had the audacity to post it here for all to see. Kudos.

Anyway, I've said it before, and I'll say it a million times more if I must:

FACEYSPACE IS NOT PIMP TIGHT.

_________________
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden

Ahh that point where you can see your mistakes and continue to let your ego fuck it up....the memories

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

JDogg: Kudos on posting this.

Make sure to re-read your own comments many times.

It helps to write stuff down and then read it back later, different perspective.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

I'm at exactly this point... it pisses me off, badly

_________________
Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

Don't blame FB chat for your wack game.

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Seconded. Facebook is a means of communication. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't give it more significance (positive or negative) than other types of communication.

_________________
"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho

Just adjust the title:

Facebook chat... went no good.

_________________
GMST

Ok true true. I think I meant to say that using Facebook chat is indicative of bad game. I think from this I've learned that text, Facebook, email...whatever it may be, those forms of communication should only be used as a means to an end I.e. setting up plans.

Not so great for building a connection or rapport. I had no business initiating contact with this girl in the first place, it was a bitch-made move. I obviously couldn't handle the space between us. I've really gotta dig deep and figure out what is causing this chick to be my kryptonite...I feel like there are issues still to be dealt with that are related to her and our history.

I really need to just focus on myself and let them come, forcing the issue rarely works.

I swear I make so much progress and I can feel everyone starting to treat me accordingly (like this chick showing me attention) and then I think I'm cool and suddenly think its alright to revert back to my own ways.

I guess the next step is finding out what is holding me back from solidifying the pimp tight mentality.

Nope...YOU'RE indicative of bad game.

Never blame the medium for your shortcomings. I arranged a couple of meet and beats of FB chat/PM just fine.

The second paragraphs is more indicative of your issue.

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Third this! (does that even make sense )

Nothing wrong with facebook.
A. Girls will try to ball steal anywhere, facebook, real life, phone, everywhere. So, stick to unraveling yourself, and then girls antic(ball stealing/fronting) is just funny to you.
B. no input.
C. You don't have to talk less dude. You just need to be fine with yourself and not NEED her. She has something, and you need it.

Pere's right, go reread your OP, it was oozing with stuff and I just scanned through it.

Another thing, don't change your 'game' and do something that's not congruent with you. I did that so much, trying on different masks of others. Sometimes I got what I wanted, but even if I did it wasn't fulfilling. Do you. Be authentic.

Thread on 'Game'

Pheeew, that was tough reading back through this thread. Not even from all of your replies (which I thank you for btw), but because of what I said and where I was coming from at the time. I have done a deal of inner work since that time, mainly through internal monologue and alone time; you know, the heavy lifting.

Kidd's gunna kill me for this one, but I actually got around to reading PIMP by Iceberg Slim today. I spent a majority of the day reading the whole thing as an e-book. After reading it, I really want to buy a paperback copy of it.

I feel like that book just set the stage for the solidification of this mindset I've been learning about since I was 15. There could not have been a better time to read PIMP than now. I can draw a lot of parallels. The beginning in particular had a profound impact on me, the part about Steve, the Pimp who swooned Slim's mother. Can't help but cringe at the very true manifestations of racism in urban america. The sad thing is not much has changed.

The story of Henry the symp was a much needed reminder of why I still require many more push ups. The difference between poor Henry and me is he never had a chance. I have a chance, and should/will know better in the future through the work that I put in now.

This is what I would like to emulate in my behavior:
-Slim's Icyness. I need to contain my emotions more. I admitted to myself fairly early on in my recent push-ups that I do show my heart on my sleeve. I thought that was a good thing to a certain extent, but there's a fine line between healthy emotional expression and neediness; I was definitely far into the neediness side in my facebook conversation. Neediness ain't getting no pussy. Really, neediness ain't getting no happiness.

-I've gotta be cold like Slim. In other words, act with due diligence and ballsy-ness. Know that every action holds importance and to stick to my gut always. Acting like a man is what prevails in moments of truth. Live is filled with obstacles that provide moments of truth, dealing with women is just one aspect.

As Sweet said, Cop And BLOW!

This is what I thought were my problems before. I was clearly being delusional and not honest with myself/clear-minded.

Soon I'm going to organize all my thoughts into a cohesive thread. Going to outline it and write it in word...make it a legitimate journal entry, if you will. I really feel as though I've made a lot of progress, this conversation was just another obstacle along the way. Though, this time it was 1 step back, 2 steps forward.

Sorry if I'm rambling,

Thanks for your time.

+1

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

Nice man. This is a great idea. I look forward to reading it.

_________________
"The society gives you a map; I give you only freedom. The society gives you character, I give you only consciousness. The society teaches you to live a conformist life ... I give you an invitation to go on an adventure." - Osho