When you're ready you'll open your eyes. No need to force the issue, that would only result in wasted energy and time.
Read, reread, post, ask, apply, share, and take calculated risks. 
Fight the battle within, and go PLAY outside.
Don't become a cookie cutter of somebody else. Be your own damn role model. Be yourself. If you're not sure who that is, well then...start creating yourself. 
If you thought you probably fucked it up.
Thinking about the issue will NEVER have the same effect as EXPERIENCING it.
To fail is to succeed. One goes with the other. Embrace your failures and learn from them.
This isn't a quick fix. 
Trust.
Believe.
Balance.
When You know you'll KNOW.
Apply Yourself.
Ah, looks like you broke the barrier.
The few people who come on this forum seldom make it past that stage. They sit in their chair and cry while they munch on their blue pills and steak.
Excellent work! I look forward reading more from you.