It's finally that time, fellas.
In approximately 4 hours from the start of me typing this, my 'keeper" will be admitted into the hospital to give birth to who could possibly be my 2nd child...or not.
The last several months have been relatively uneventful, as I have made peace with either result months ago. She already has a DNA test in hand, ordered and payed for by herself with a 1 day turn around. If the child is not mine?...mulligan. I walk away and and don't look back. Kinda boring if you ask me. If it is mine?...well, I'm glad you asked.
I have spent a great deal of this pregnancy preparing her for what happens if the baby is indeed mine. Here are what the terms are as of this writing:
-No child support as long as we are trying to work things out. She understands that to put me on child support is bad form and shows no faith in our possible future. She also understands that although I am more than willing to kick in when I NEED to, to make use of her own resources as much as possible. This is because I am saving to purchase a home, and every bit she nickles and dimes from me holds me up from getting what could possibly be OUR home.
-I'm not responsible for child care. She understands that having this child was HER decision...not MINE. Therefore, she is responsible for this area. I reinforced this notion with the fact that I am relatively new in management, and I CAN NOT be that guy who can't be reliable because, 'He has to pick his kid up and miss the meeting.' Her family has already stepped up and while I can see the child whenever I please, I am not obligated to have him on certain days or anything of that nature.
-We can NOT be a couple until I feel I can trust her again. This means that while she is dealing with full time RN school, homework, working part time and basically being a single mother (and gym time!
), I am free to do as I please. She doesn't like it, but explicitly understands why it must be this way. I am VERY curious to watch this part of it play out.-Should we get to a point where we become exclusive once again, it is on her to propose. I told her that she fucked off any Walt Disney bullshit the minute she lied to me and played reckless in the sack with my sexual health. She understands that I will NOT propose to someone who has proven that she could toss me away so easily...therefore her proposing to me would show ME how serious she is about ME...about US. Which also means that...
-She is to purchase her own damn engagement ring. I told her she can make up whatever bullshit story she wants about how I got down on one knee in the middle the Las Vegas Blvd crosswalk and tearfully begged her hand in marriage and slipped this beautiful ring onto her finger...in order to save face for her family and friends...and that I would go right along with it. But between her and I (and you guys
), she will know she proposed, I accepted, then watched her put her own damn ring on. There are a few other little bonuses, but I think that covers the main caveats. Also, she is down for threesomes.
Bottom line, I believe that people only truly change via traumatic events...whether they change for better or worse is up in the air...but they will CHANGE...and trust me...I have gone out of my way to make this experience as traumatic for her as possible...while simultaneously reinforcing my agenda.
The end result is, I feel, a woman who, should this child prove to be mine, fully understands what she stood too lose and will work like HELL to regain trust lost. If she can withstand my napalm soaked hoops, I'll gladly be with her.
Why?
Because I'm at a point in my life where I don't care if I'm in 'love' or not anymore...and would much rather deal with somebody in which I know EXACTLY WHAT I'M DEALING WITH than having to give someone else the benefit of the doubt until they fuck up. Besides, thanks to this 'episode', I have enough leverage on this chick to last me a lifetime.
Of course, this is all still in the name of science...an experiment to push the envelope. Should it end in spectacular failure, then I have no problem cutting my losses, being on child support if need be and moving on. But should I succeed, it will be a monumental achievement of a relationship dynamic that will not make sense to anyone else EXCEPT my band of brothers in this forum.
I think that is about the gist of it. I'll let you guys know paternity soon after I do. Here goes nothing!
![[ img ]](http://ladygeekgirl.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/bender-and-son.jpg)
