I went to a pub to watch the game completely by myself. (My friend was supposed to come but didn't).
I ended up doing a lot of self-observation, my mind often drifts that way if I'm left alone. All the waiters were collected to my left side. Honestly can be wrote off as coincidence, I saw a few guys come in and watched the interactions through the corner of my eye. It was a typical interaction.
One of the things that I'm noticing more and more is that I am fixing the big leaks in my mindset. But I pick up these micro movements/thoughts. Where I am pursuing and filling the space, they're so small that I don't think anyone can see them. But I can.
I catch myself and try to figure out the source of it. It feels like a dense lump of emotion that leaking. Like a cup that has a hole punched in the side.
Anyways, I felt a shift in the waiters over time. I wouldn't even really look in their direction. Didn't really care. This one waiter looked at me smiled with her eyes and it was geniune, so I gave her a look that said got it. And left it at that.
Then I decided to try an experiment. I was at the bar so I ordered a drink and then conviently picked a table that I knew she was responsible for. Leaving the door open for her if she wanted it when my drink was gone to talk to me.
Here fishy fishy.
. Actually her co-worker and then her other co-worker took the bait and then her. And then a 3rd co-worker gave me this lost look as she walked by kinda looked like she was caught between self-restraint and wanting to rape me haha. It's a really funny combination of facial muscles. They kinda alternated between being nice and distant, keeping in mind that the original group of guys was buying them drinks and all up their ass. When I was leaving the original girl made a point of touching my arm as she was talking to me when I was leaving. But I didn't bother acting on it. My gut told me it would be incorrect even with indicators of interest.
A couple things
1. Will these little micro give a fuck thoughts be there forever?
2. It's interesting how even when I am having an insecurity episode (lol) women cannot pick it up. Where as before (even in the recent past) they seemed to be able to read me quite well, and now it's quite difficult for them to pick it up.My last gf acted like that too. She said I was impossible to read, but I know I'm very expressive. Which means the more attracted she is the less she pays attention to your actual state and pays more attention to the box she thinks you fit in. Kinda like how guys do that to girls.
