Natural Freedom

I haven't posted a story on my background like many have here. You dudes have been real honest, so I thought I'd do the same. I've been doing some real honest reflecting, and these are the results. Probably the most honest shit I've ever written.

I've always felt somewhat inadequate, but I used my ego to conceal it well enough so no one noticed. Hell, I even hid it well enough that even I didn't notice. Yep, defense mechanism to cover up my insecurity, formed in my adolescence. Caused by shit I hadn't dealt with or faced from my childhood, all done unconsciously.

On the flip side, I was the kid in school that exerted cockiness. Girls wanted to fuck me and guys wanted to be me. I didn't express a care towards school or towards anything. Yeah, I would be considered the typical "bad boy". But underneath all that, who was I?

I was still that scared little kid that grew up in a dysfunctional home that never got the proper upbringing. My parents split before I could make a memory of them being together. My mother provided for me decently, but in no way did she provide me with a secure home. I experienced many of her unhealthy and often times violent relationships. It got so bad that eventually I couldn't even live with her. I'm still under the age of 10 experiencing that. My father expressed (still does) indifference towards me. If we talked cool, if we didn't talk that was also cool. He didn't teach me any valuable lesson on how to be a man, about life, or about anything for that matter.

Realization? I wasn't operating from a place of true confidence, rather I was operating from a place of insecurity/inadequacy. The way I coped was to use my ego to shield me from it so I could overcompensate. I'd been stuffing my true feelings, something I picked up unconsciously from both of my parents.

As you can tell, (or maybe not) I wasn't born into the best financial situation. I might have always had good looks, but I see now that's only half of the foundation, if that. So what will I be doing in the meantime? I'll be increasing my potential/front by starting college. I'll also be lowering my ego to address and experience shit I've always hid from myself.

Conclusion, not everyone is born complete. Everybody has to work at something they weren't born with. Thanks for reading.

_________________
And what is fear of need but need itself?

What do I have to say.

Lots of potential here.

_________________
GMST

Thanks man.

_________________
And what is fear of need but need itself?

Mine neither, I would theorize that that would be a key part in ending up here. Lack of father guidance tends to make the more curious of the population end up here. I'm pretty sure Kidd!! Said his father wasn't around either so it's very interesting.

It seems to mess up the programming into a copper top. I'm Curious for a second opinion on this though.

And bravo on the brutally honest self assessment

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Bravo aTrueRebel

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Rebel, you are on the right path.

The force is strong in you.

One's ego often takes the form a beast that can frighten you away from the truth, but once tamed, it can loyally serve and protect you from your enemies and help you forward your ambitions.

When it comes to the truth, there three kinds of people: the truly ignorant, those who have seen it but feign ignorance, and those who accept it.

You are the latter.

Keep pressing forward.

_________________
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden

Opening up and being truely honest is a magnificent thing, one of the reasons I am comfortable sharing my thoughts and doings here. Well done to you rebel for baring your soul.

I know lots of people who grow up with their dad but only a few of them try to seek truth or walk a path of their own. Even if a big portion of the members here (me included) had dad's that didn't really care, or just didn't know or understand what lessons we needed to learn, the thing that connects us is our allergy to bullshit that everyday life tries to offer.

_________________
"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

@pkmntrr
“There are three classes of people: Those who see. Those who see when they are shown. Those who do not see.”

-Leonardo DaVinci

_________________
GMST

Thanks fellas, much appreciated. I agree with all of you, the feeling you get from self realization is truly priceless.

_________________
And what is fear of need but need itself?

I'd assume that as well.

_________________
And what is fear of need but need itself?