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Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
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Author:  TheDude [ Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:25 am ]
Post subject:  Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
Today, while with the new girl from class chatting away. I realized her body language was alternating between opening up and closing down. After realizing to a certain degree why this happened and will happen in the future unless I change it. What is happening:

I'm uncomfortable in my body for xyz (for me to figure out and resolve); I'm not fully comfortable in the presence of a woman or young girl (I'm thinking this one may solve itself if I take care of the comfort with myself).

From reading this girl and I could tell her interest in me early on as well as some sexual interest later on with sexual innuendos. One being the absence of a blanket in her car for a nap today (said with a tone and held eye contact). The sad part about this was my self confidence is not up to par to bat it out of the park; I had pussy feelings come up instead :? .

What I also grasped was my initial light "friendly" touching opened her up to me and made her at ease, BUT later on I felt as though unconsciously she could feel my level of discomfort with myself which closed her up. Like The Kidd and Peregrinus have said before: we do have an aura & presence that beams out that can be felt by the others.
Author:  Jared [ Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
It isn´t "unconfortable-ness" or "fear-ness" or "boredom-ness",
or "whatever-ness", but what they mean or seem to mean;
----> loss of value/ gain of value.

Struggling with tiny issues is not necessary. Be clear about
your values, also about your value.
Author:  peregrinus [ Wed Apr 11, 2012 12:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
Mirror
Author:  TheDude [ Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
Jared wrote:
It isn´t "unconfortable-ness" or "fear-ness" or "boredom-ness",
or "whatever-ness", but what they mean or seem to mean;
----> loss of value/ gain of value.

Struggling with tiny issues is not necessary. Be clear about
your values, also about your value.

I sort of understood your message. The small issues are exactly that, small issues. Focus on the main frame and after that is accomplished the trickle effect will take care of all the rest?
Author:  Jared [ Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
TheDude wrote:


I sort of understood your message. The small issues are exactly that, small issues. Focus on the main frame and after that is accomplished the trickle effect will take care of all the rest?
You don´t have to try to get comfortable with yourself;

the far easiest way to shed insecurities is to know your goals,
and measure yourself only by those standards.

Goals automatically prioritize value & meaning.

Reaching those goals will boost your confidence.
Author:  TheDude [ Wed Apr 11, 2012 11:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
Jared wrote:
You don´t have to try to get comfortable with yourself;

the far easiest way to shed insecurities is to know your goals,
and measure yourself only by those standards.

Goals automatically prioritize value & meaning.

Reaching those goals will boost your confidence.
How can you measure yourself by your goals? I don't understand that.
Author:  Jared [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
TheDude wrote:

How can you measure yourself by your goals? I don't understand that.
When you have goals, and you are reaching them, then you
live by your values---> Real self-confidence follows as a
natural result.

Goals and self-confidence go hand in hand. Therefore, when
you reach your goal, your self-confidence goes up. Your image
of your self goes up as well.

What is measured, tends to grow. And a man is a creature of
growth, so I set goals that push me to grow. This IS measurable.
Author:  TheDude [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 5:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
What I'm about to discuss is a little beyond my knowledge, but is what you speak of True Confidence? Because, in my opinion True Confidence that comes from within, that is unshakable, needs no confirmation from the outer world. It needs no goal to confirm it's ability. It is the mere fact that deep down inside you KNOW you can do as you please and accomplish things as you wish; it needs no track record to stay alive.

Can you feel about what I am talking about here?
Author:  Merrick [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
Confidence is knowing what you can handle and how to handle it.
You need to have experience beforehand though, otherwise it is false-bravado/overconfidence.
It does come from within but it needs work in the external world ;)
Author:  Jared [ Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
In terms of potential, and a spiritual view;

We already are all that we can be, we are
merely here to experience how we got there.
Author:  Jared [ Wed Apr 08, 2015 4:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLZW9lKWvDg
Quote:
People Are As Comfortable With You As You Are Accepting Of Yourself
----D.R.H.
Author:  Altair [ Wed Apr 08, 2015 5:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
By focusing on your goals you give yourself control in a world that was never designed for you to have it.

Every moment is a new one. They only react to the present if your game is off one time don't worry about it. If its solid the next time they won't even remember. As long as you don't do something memorable. Usually with your words.
Author:  Jared [ Wed Apr 08, 2015 5:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
There is a saying: what gets measured gets done 8-)

Edit; try giving a public speech in Swedish. Suddenly it got more difficult.
Author:  Aragorn [ Wed Apr 08, 2015 6:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
bliss wrote:
What I'm about to discuss is a little beyond my knowledge, but is what you speak of True Confidence? Because, in my opinion True Confidence that comes from within, that is unshakable, needs no confirmation from the outer world. It needs no goal to confirm it's ability. It is the mere fact that deep down inside you KNOW you can do as you please and accomplish things as you wish; it needs no track record to stay alive.

Can you feel about what I am talking about here?
See but that's still being tied to an outcome.

I like something that was shared on the internet - confidence is knowing that you're fine if something happens, and that you'll be able to handle it and be fine if it doesn't. Another thing I've taken to telling myself is "I give things 100% and accept failure as either a lack of experience or a reminder to try a new approach, not as some inherent flaw in me."

Then again, this is such a multi-layered thing that I have a feeling I'll be uncovering new dimensions as a retiree :lol:
Author:  Jared [ Wed Apr 08, 2015 7:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Uncomfortable feelings in You can be felt by others
To summarize, if you don't have goals of your own,
you really don't have to have confidence either.

Without goals you'll largely be at the end of someone else's life,
just like someone without any real confidence.
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