Not disagreeing with any of your assessments or actions, just throwing some things into the mix:
Anyhow, I tell her we will commence negotiations and to state her terms;
Did you put it like this? Seems kind of businesslike to me. And would a contract be necessary if you're just going to have a bit of fun? How about:
'Can I take you up on that one night offer?'
Reply: "I don't see why not. It's not like we'd be obligated to one another or any of that complicated stuff - just havin' fun. Once i'm not doing anything else at the time." If she wanted anything else, this would leave the onus on HER to clarify if she had anything else in mind. You're in the clear. You haven't led her on in any way, since this is all I presumed you offered, an offer that SHE is referencing:
I emailed her and offered, in the name of friendship, one night only of some good lovin'.
Of course, I guess she could bring up the 'in the name of friendship' bit. Also, I figure she'd need to know that you're not gonna brag to friends about it or any of that kind of bullshit...
I'm beginning to see it as some form of attachment due to the fact that she left me.
Well spotted, by the way. Just wanted to say.....
'I don't know, play it by ear. I just want to see you really. I miss the intimacy and fantasy'.
'Y'know I don't know if I really do want to have sex. I really do want to hang out though, like buddies'.
Having said all of that, what's wrong with hanging with her for an evening that's convenient for you, where you don't have to spend that much, if anything (SHE wants to see YOU - I realise she's broke-ass, but you guys can tailor what you do to suit that). Couldn't you just go with the flow, no expectations of sex, just curious to see what she says/does IN PERSON? You can:
- observe her reactions to you and yours to her
- practice your cherry picking: let her talk and see if you can keep YOURSELF out of the convo (just gently nudging it in certain directions every now & then when you pick up that something she said has animated her slightly, to see just how EXCITED she would get when she goes off in this direction)
- observing YOUR body's reaction to her, if there's any residual feelings of ego over her leaving you, etc
You know - a learning experience, a little practice in observation. Sex isn't the only thing you can get out of this. Remember - it's only one night, so very little investment from you.....
Speaking of sex, as far as the conversation went (although we know it's what they do, not what they say), she's the one who wants it (she asked if she could take you up on your offer), so why not let HER worry about that? If she doesn't get your amazing pimp-tight dick at the end of the night, HER loss. You've gotten an evening of fun conversation at no/little expense, with the opportunity to observe her up close & personal. Look at it like if you picked up to go to the mall or a nightclub just to observe people, but instead you're observing someone with whom you have a history, so other juicy things like her motivations, ulterior motives, her repressing of her desire (which you could get to observe & enjoy if sex isn't the first thing on your mind) can be observed. You'd be doing this face-to-face:
I'm more interested in seeing through the whole charade than getting my end away, but If I could do both then I would.
And with every experience I have with women, I gain a deeper understanding of their manipulative nature, and I wonder how it is that I ever thought they deserved any significant attention at all.
Yeah, I actually find it difficult to take the majority of them seriously anymore. There are a few rare exceptions, though....
she wants to feel safe with me first and not just be used for sex - which is pretty much the only reason I'd be interested in meeting this particular gal I guess.
Mirror? - you're using her for sex, she's using you for some form of emotional or egoic gratification? [Edit: to clarify, I think there's a distinction between using a woman for sex, and using a woman's body for your mutual enjoyment.]
'I want you to hold me and I will pretend the last year apart didn't exist'....she actually said that, in amongst telling me she wants my dick in her ass again
Although this type of 'contradiction' still eats at me very slightly - i've been doing really well at letting go of this, and the process continues - it still strikes me as pure fucking programming that this is seen as a 'contradiction'. Why can't a chick be a 'nice girl' who is soft & sweet, and also want to be totally, rawly pounded mercilessly and in 'unconventional' ways? It seems to me that I can only see these 2 images as irreconcilable if I see this type of sex as dirty or wrong.
I think this is something that every man needs to address - it's essential if we ever want to leave the safety of our mother's womb (and this is metaphoric - even a guy who had no mother or a fucked up one could have this complex, I believe) and face the real world, as Real Men.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2 ... re_complex
Of course, this is notwithstanding the [Edit: VERY LIKELY]
possibility that her sexual talk could have been an attempt to either bait you or hook you.....