In regards to inner work what i wondering was how come i did spend some time in silence going
walking in a trail for a couple of hours yet seemed to feel anxious while asserting myself later
that day.Usually a long walk for me will merge the inner conflicting energies and heighten
emotional awareness For example while she started getting on my case for selecting my hours on
the excel sheet which everyone is allowed to do i started trembling inside,heart beating
faster,kind of hyperventilating while speaking while telling her that this is between my supervisors
and myself and not her business instead of feeling calm while asserting myself although i looked
her in the eye i was feeling nervous inside little flight/flight reaction.I guess this maybe an
awareness thing.Also people with higher t levels are usually less anxious in these types of
situations so maybe worth getting tested.In the meantime i am doing weighted pullups to see if
that helps physically as there are more androgen receptors in the upper body then lower body as
well as continuing to be mindful of what i am feeling internally.
Disclaimer for caliboy: I'm going to put my opinion biased in the remnants of pua beliefs that I accumulated and still carry on my back, I am fluishing down the toilet, and that's because when I read you I get this gut feeling that you are still running this ideas in your head, and are directing messing your perspective ...
Is the fear or avoidance of some uncomfortable/painful feelings what you are struggling with. Just because they're not: [Insert some alpha adjective learned form pua dom], personally putting them under the rug, made them more evident and more powerful because I was ignore/supressing them (the feelings) succumbing later into a very messy soapy operesque open flood gate of 'em -not recommended-.
As you pointed out, going out into long walks well hydratated is good when emotional distress assures -- this activity of long walks, seems to put the mind on the right track and also deplete the emotional energy when massive levels of it in the body, while maintaining the optimal quantity to come into a resolution internally-- From what I've read you posted: Do long walks heighten your emotions? I didn't understand it how you paraphrased it.
Why do you want your testosterone levels checked?, What have you researched about this hormone? Is it just supposition of yours, or you have some biological/medical basis to justify you feelings of inadecuacy because you are low on T juice? Just pointing this out, as it could work as a distractor form the "real deal" and hinder your energy to a more "positive" road, and not running in circles.
I guess you sorta employ this method of thinking that more testosterone = more calm energy, more "alpha", more assertive, more [insert some positive alpha trait that wets the pussy of bitches] just forget that shit and concentrate on being happy by facing the demons and pick your internal battles wisely.
I get that this could be a topic of hormonal level, but in the mean time...
Have you really asked why you feel this feelings, more important: have you been sooo sick and afraid of felling them that you grabbed your balls and said fuck it! and follow the emotional trail they leave and track the motherfuckers down internally so you get to see whatever you get to see, even if you don't like it or could feel