Natural Freedom

Hey guys,

First off, no this isn't a sob story. Just a short update.

I have 2 jobs - working at a language school and a starting position at an upstart marketing firm. It's more than I hoped for, and the marketing firm is a good place to start my future career, I feel. There is one problem though - I have to find a way to spend 2 nights a week in the city where I attend university, seeing as I have to be at work 3 times a week. I'm about one month from a paycheck that I can pay any sort of rent with and my parents are facing their own financial difficulties, with almost no means to support me. They might, and the firm I'm working at might cover living expenses, but that's still up in the air. This is shit that I can't have imagined facing a couple of months ago. I'm 20 and feel far too young for this shit.

The school year at my university has ended, as has the lease on my dorm room. I have to move out tomorrow. I also have to stay in the city for one more day, which means I'm going to have to find a way to spend the night without a place to stay. I have one more guaranteed night with a roof over my head in this rainy weather.

All my friends have moved home or gone to a foreign country to spend their summer working. I am all alone, and my social contact is limited to one hour of work in the office and maybe the doorman or cleaning lady.

Basically, I feel completely alone, have no place to stay and have all my clothes (about 3 outfits worth) in a large plastic bag. I feel abandoned. It's crushing, I feel depressed and worthless. Anytime I'm online, I'm refreshing my Facebook, hoping somebody will distract me from the loneliness and make me feel worthwhile.

But I'm not looking for motivation or pick-me ups. This is a road I have to travel, the cave I have to enter. Being alone and abandoned, or at least feeling like it, is something I've always feared. So here it finally is - I've come to face my fears. And it's terrifying, my self-esteem (based on the approval of others) is at an all time low.

On a logical level, I know that being my own best friend would make this a non-issue, or an interesting turn of events. But I'm not, and on an emotional level, I feel really bad. So reaching the point of being happy with my own company is something that I, honestly, hope to achieve this lonely summer.

It sucks now, and it will probably suck for the near future, but all I can do now is ride it out. And finally face all those emotions that I've been trying to avoid or cover up. I'm alone. I hate myself for it. Time to see what happens next.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Just assure me you didn't fall into the multilevel marketing hooey..

Also, one night is OK, you can stay at some nonstop bar, but if you need to be able to work the next day that's another thing

Good Luck

It's only one night...surely you have a friend or something out there who can put you up for one night. If not, then sleep at whatever terminal you'll be leaving from...people do that all the time.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Yeah, I think I'll be fine for one night.

And no, it's not multi-level marketing. I fell for that last summer though.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Good (Grumpycatface)
I didn't fell for it, I smelled the shit after few minutes of the people talking, but i had to save a friend from it, he got indotrinated with their BS manipulations. So I was just curious, hope you didn't lose much (hopefully any) money from it

You're talking about paying rent, having a job, and living logistics. Welcome to reality. Congrats on avoiding it until 20. The fact that parents supporting you is even a conversation you could CONSIDER you have it sweet. You could have been killed 5 times by now in military service which in many places is mandatory, or be pretty close to the end of your life expectancy in plenty of others. You'll be fine.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Fufe, I only lost 3 days worth of time and 5 euro for the opening seminar. Did get blisters on my feet from wearing shitty dress shoes, but I'm glad it happened - it was a lesson learned and I've avoided quite a few more things that other people in my age range have gotten caught up in. So I'm glad it happened.

Flow, I understand your point. It's hard to keep perspective, especially when I get caught up in day to day life, but you're right. It's just that out of all the people I know that are still in college (up to age 24 here) or in my age group, maybe one or two of them would be able to support themselves financially. But it's the wrong way of looking at things, I know.

The anger/depression was more about my source of validation then it was about supporting myself, even though that played a part.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Tell me about the shoes, I had the same and got holes in it, it rained that day and my feet were all soaked up People our age range get so cught up in this.. By the illusion of easy money promised in these kinda schemes, without using any critical thinking