Much to write!
Many gems here!
@Flow83, I ponder that myself too. Seems to me sex and money are the only two external wants or desires. Only other people can give you them. Doing internal stuff like learning for its own sake or meditation seems kinda pointless if you are going to die anyway. If there is an immortal soul you'll have time enough for that later. For now you are in this world and might as well play it's games as best you can or want.
That’s interesting ahk. Doing internal stuff for me isn’t pointless at all, because its taking me toward the truth and solidifying it at the same time.
Just today in a quiet sit down with myself I came across a realization that I have a HUGE ego. The irony for me is that I believed I had a small and humble ego! :lol
Sex only seems like a big deal to me when one doesn't have access to it… and/or have projected a ton of other things onto it besides being a fun physical act that men and women are literally built to like and do with each other
Completely agree flow on multiple levels if there is such a thing. I’m beginning to realize sex is a big deal for me, because I derive so much from it, other than the physical pleasure.
…and of course you can literally buy it. If buying it is a problem or doesn't count then it means the desire is not just for sex but all the other meanings given it.
How funny things show up!! I’m against “buying” sex, because I believed “I didn’t want to be the guy that has to buy sex”. That shows me I have a lot more attached to sex and women, then just the physical pleasure. Smells like some self-worth, external acceptance, and some other bogus garbage!
@Flow83, I wouldn't be able to answer the question 'what gets you really excited', but don't see it as a problem to be solved. I'm suspicious when I hear someone say something will fullfill them or satisfy them till they die, sounds very much like a marriage vow and about as meaningful to me. Hedonic adaptation is inescapable imo, the most you can say is 'this can satisfy me for a while'.
Actually I think of it as a "right NOW" question. I am not a fan of the idea that you decide or there is one correct "life purpose" that once you find it life is all smiles. That's a big one thrown out there in self help.
This is something I'm seeing too. Some things I wanted to pursue months ago is different from what I want to pursue now. Change is one of the only constants in life. That “ONE LIFE PURPOSE” phrase is definitely thrown around a lot in self-help…it’s a little slut!
On a slightly different note I realized today I’m depressed more so than happy, because I’ve stopped doing what I actually love or enjoy. I became stuck in the cycle of bettering myself to get more pussy and be more attractive. Everything I had in mind, for the majority, with myself was, would it be something to better myself and make me more attractive to women. It always was about becoming more attractive. The irony is I didn’t sleep with many women even though I had so much focus on it.
Now, I’m focusing on what I want in life and what I derive pleasure from. Once my living condition is stable and my financials are in order I’m going to sign up to a Circus/Acrobat class, because since I was young I was like a monkey climbing things and being outdoors. So, I’d like to learn how to do flips and balance on ropes.
If the #1 burning thing for a guy is to experience more stuff with women, play the game better or whatever
This is something I want to experience. I’m glad I’m working on being indifferent, so that way I can actually enjoy the physical parts of sex and meeting the different people. This way, I’m not sleeping around to fill something, but experiencing it, because I have a general curiosity for it. And, when that curiosity ends I can only think that I will move on to my next curiosity in life.
If you get 'success' and just become consumed with getting more and more success without feeling satisfied, where you're not really even enjoying it, then it's probably a good time to question it.
This made me think.
What is your purpose now, what path are you heading down now.
Unshackle myself from my ego and its self-sabotaging behaviors and restrictions.
made
Altair clearly no longer experiences suffering around women. (They, on the other hand, suffer for him... ) So, once the pain and suffering around women is ended, now what? Do you suffer about other things? If so, work on those.
If there isn't anything else you suffer greatly from, then what can you spend your time and energy doing that brings more peace, happiness, satisfaction, and goodwill?
Nicely put man. It made me think of, do the things that you enjoy and work on the things that bring suffering and pain to your life. A ying-and-yang thing. Sounds great to me!
Depends on the perspective on the person experiencing the suffering. From the point of view of a coppertop there is pain and suffering that kind isn't great...but in terms of members of the forum it's learning a technical skillset and that kind of pain is just growth. If you want to master something and be truly great in a field it's something you have to embrace. Fuck ups happen lots haha and they suck sometimes.That's something that I've carried with me into everything, if it's painful or whatever meh, I've seen worse.
Few things came to thought. 1) “Very little is learnt from success, while much is learnt from fuck-ups”. 2) “if it’s painful or whatever meh, I’ve seen worse” something I took away from Zen readings is: it’s is what it is in that moment. Pain, gain, happy, sad, it’s what is.
Ah, I think we're using the word suffering differently. I'm talking about suffering in the way buddhists define the term, which is that suffering is different than pain. Pain can happen, but its our thoughts about pain and desire that can cause suffering. If we're attached to the idea that pain shouldn't happen, and then it does anyway, thats when we suffer. Same thing if we desire something (like women, money, acceptance, etc), and yet we don't get it, then thats when we suffer.
Thanks for this clarification, it helped sort things and clarify my above post. Then, you do what you enjoy and work on the attachments you have in life. It’s beautiful. The things you enjoy don’t feel like work, while the “work on attachments” can be strenuous at time (not always) you then have a ying-and-yang (balance).