Natural Freedom

I'm Mr. Nice person. Polite. Respectful. Obedient. Trustworthy. Warm.
I'm all of these things to other people.
But, I'm NONE of these things consistently to Myself.
I'll abuse myself and bad worth myself, but NOT to others.
WHY?
Because, I derive my sense of worth from others.
I'm nice to others, default-ly, cause their acceptance of me, makes me feel worthy.

I realized this today in class with my cohorts, who are majority women.
Class was done, and before leaving I gave a warm hug to most, if not everyone.
Thought: "Do they ever hug me goodbye consistently at the end of class?" Not necessarily.
Why the fuck do I have the urge to do it then?
Is it cause I love them?
Hmmmm...
I like them as cohorts. I don't love them.
Why? Deeper!
My Mom forced me to introduce myself and shake hands with everyone at family gatherings and parties. I was the polite obedient little boy at parties. When leaving, I would HAVE to hug or shake hands with practically every guess.
My mom has the same habit as myself, extra loving to everyone even at difficult times, hard to miss where I got it from... "Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree"
Why does she do it?
She likes to spread love.
What's beneath that reason?
She's the last of 6 kids. Didn't feel as loved as her older brothers and sisters bullied her. She sends love to others to have them return their kindness making my mom feel good inside. (Side note: this is my mom from a few years back, she is now in a healthier esteem and more independent than before.)
My mom is Ms. Popular a bit...she has many close friends and a fairly big social circle.
Why does she need to be crowded and attention seeked by others?
Cause, she hasn't made peace with herself and learned to love herself (own best friend).
It was often I'd see my mom emotionally drained and down when others wouldn't "appreciate her"...aka as "not reciprocating love back to her" (she was dependent on her kindness to others. It wasn't coming from a place of indifference and whole'ness, generally speaking.)
How does this relate back to me?
What is the reason I am nice to others, by default?
The smiles and acceptance I get from others is what gets me feeling all warm and good about myself!!!
"Look, people like me, so that means I'm a cool/worthy/important/good/"insert any other none-sense bs that comes externally here"."

I give hugs, act friendly, shake hands, approach others, create small talk, NOT cause I necessarily want to all the time. But, because I NEED to to feel good about myself.

not love, neediness.

not giving, taking.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Ohh you don't need more retail (in the free sense) form this dude!!

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GMST

Needy as FUCK

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

You've pointed out a lot of the issues you have, what are you going to do about them?

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Don't be sexist, bitches hate that.

1) I figure that if I do something to make someone see THEMSELVES in a better light, it's cool.
2) However, if I do something to make someone see ME in a better light, I need to look into it.

1) is still ultimately selfish if I am after the 'feelgood' factor of knowing that I am the one spreading love and joy around, even if i'm ok with not being acknowledged by others for it. But I have experienced instances of being kind without this motive either . Can't describe it, except to say that one time when I realised this, my mind said something like this dialogue, but without using words: "Wtf just happened?" "It's life, man - enjoy it & go with it." "Okay."

Oh, and also, this only seems to happen on the days that I feel reaaaaally fucking good about myself in the first place .

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

That was option 3, action that arose with no intention or motive at all.

Mind can't grasp its own absence so it starts trying to wrap a concept around it when actions happen in those split seconds where it's actually quiet (read: not there) -- especially since they are usually our best ones.

Then it makes "having no motive" into a motive. The irony.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

I didn't understand what you meant at first, but now I get it. What I portray as "giving love" to others is actually neediness. Taking, I'm taking away something from them to better my feeling. Opposite of coming from a whole/complete foundation.
That's the truth.
Face them and handle them.

Something that I found that helps me to put 'give and take' into perspective, is the following imagery:

You're facing someone else. Imagine yourself giving something with the right hand, trying to put something into the other person's left hand. Simultaneously, YOUR left is taking something out of their right (even if they want you to have it). That's FORCE. Nope.

Instead:
Your right is in front of you, palm up, offering whatever is within it, for them to take IF THEY WANT IT. Your left is in front of you, palm up & empty, for them to place what they want into it. (If you don't want what they're offering, fine - just close the palm.)

But what about cases when someone WANTS you to take something? Eg a woman wants you to lean in & kiss her, or wants you to take her HARD? I would argue that at that point she has already put what she wants to offer (lips, body) in your hand. Gut is required.

Not saying I am even close to proficient at this myself yet - just throwing it out there in case it's useful.

[Edit: isn't it interesting how, at least in the West, the term 'give & take' is not conspicuous? Should it not be 'offer & accept'? ]

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

Taking your own words to answer your question...

Her right is in front of her, palm up, offering whatever is within it, for you to take IF YOU WANT IT. her left is in front of her, palm up & empty, for you to place what you want into it.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Nice. Thank you for pointing that out. Not only for the perspective, but......

........for the fact that, I realise that I probably saw myself as the only person in the equation, in that regard. Even if only for that brief moment in time when I was typing. If both people stand there facing one another with palms up, nothing happens. Mission accomplished, mind blown.

In case it helps the analogy: What really made me see the imagery that I described is years ago, when someone got me into certain 'deeper' types of music. As time went by I started finding modern-day examples of that same kind of music that he was unaware of, and introduced him to it, much to his delight and gratitude. Then he in turn investigated some more and found some shit that I had overlooked. And on and on it went, with the 'teacher' and 'student' roles switching constantly, and a beautiful friendship evolving. And I said to myself "This is the way relationships should work."

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"I will not grow in the light, until I pass through the darkest caverns of my heart..."

"Temet Nosce"

This reminded me of :

The teacher is the one who gets the most out of the lessons, and the true teacher is the learner

--

The moment a teacher stops learning from the students they are lost.

Hence all teachers are students and all students are teachers....

In an ideal world.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.