Natural Freedom

Let's say that the person you love the most has just been shot. He or she is lying in the street, bleeding and screaming. A guy rushes up and says, "Step aside." He looks over your loved one's bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife -- he's going to operate right there in the street.

You ask, "Are you a doctor?"
The guy says, "No."
You say, "But you know what you're doing, right? You're an old Army medic, or ..."
At this point the guy becomes annoyed. He tells you that he is a nice guy, he is honest, he is always on time. He tells you that he is a great son to his mother and has a rich life full of fulfilling hobbies, and he boasts that he never uses foul language.
Confused, you say, "How does any of that fucking matter when my (wife/husband/best friend/parent) is lying here bleeding! I need somebody who knows how to operate on bullet wounds! Can you do that or not?!?"
Now the man becomes agitated -- why are you being shallow and selfish? Do you not care about any of his other good qualities? Didn't you just hear him say that he always remembers his girlfriend's birthday? In light of all of the good things he does, does it really matter if he knows how to perform surgery?
In that panicked moment, you will take your bloody hands and shake him by the shoulders, screaming, "Yes, I'm saying that none of that other shit matters, because in this specific situation, I just need somebody who can stop the bleeding, you crazy fucking asshole."

So here is my terrible truth about the adult world: You are in that very situation every single day. Only you are the confused guy with the pocket knife. All of society is the bleeding gunshot victim.
If you want to know why society seems to shun you, or why you seem to get no respect, it's because society is full of people who need things. They need houses built, they need food to eat, they need entertainment, they need fulfilling sexual relationships. You arrived at the scene of that emergency, holding your pocket knife, by virtue of your birth -- the moment you came into the world, you became part of a system designed purely to see to people's needs.

I hate you. Seriously, I hate you.

You, with mere words, have demolished my whole life to this point. My whole do-nothing, hope for the best and hate every accomplishment achieved by others who are not as smart as me life.

My whole time on this planet has been spent waiting for my ship to come in, my true love to find me, that sea call to the sailor to be sounded.

I am nearly 50 years old and have done nothing with my life. And now you come along, with your former s**t life that served as the fertilizer to grow a better new one, and rub my failures, my pathetic attempts, in my face. The only reason I made it as far as I have is because my half-assed efforts are better than most people's all out.

But, in the last year or so, something has started to wake up in me. As it flickers its eyes, in the quiet hours, it starts yearning for something better. And I know it is right... I just don't know how.

The light you turned on is painful to my eyes. I fight with every fibre of my being to keep them open, to avoid closing them to return to my comfortable stygian darkness.

Unlike the hipsters, I know why I don;t have a career, a love - it is because I have not earned them. I have not earned them because I have not stepped up and paid the price.

I am sure I will be mocked for being a loser for this post, if it is even read. Call ME a loser? Ha! You cannot hurt me with your weak words - I call myself far worse all the time.