So generally speaking, I have to be asshole ?
NO!
You can be, it can be very effective..
There is another path also, it is up to you which one you choose.
You don't have to be an asshole - just don't engage with them.
If they start an argument, don't respond, walk away and don't call her again. That's it. If you get 'angry' with them, they will know that they've got you. It doesn't matter who wins the argument or who makes the better point. If there is something you need to communicate, do it, then go.
But don't come back. Let them beg.
I agree with the thought behind this.
Withdrawing is very effective, staying unemotional is also.
It does not 'feed' them, whereas being an ass-hole can feed them, depending on their personality make-up.
I have experimented with both and settled on the one that is most congruent to me and in my view most effective for me.
Firm, unemotional, stating my boundary and withdrawing attention/me if it gets to that point.
They keep pushing and I will take their toy away from them. See how much they like that
I see....thanks for the clarification guys, next time I put my foot down I will relish in it, the first time I didn't fully realize how sweet it was.
Just remember the above when you do.
Firm but emotionless. As soon as you get emotional they know they have had an effect on you, in Scarf's words 'theyve got to you' on some level. They have found a chink in the armour and a way in to leverage.
You do have to set your boundaries and stick by them. If you set one, then stick to it.. Not in an ass-hole way, just be firm. If they keep walking all over it, point out that they stepped over the line and walk or show them the door.
If you do not, then they know you will give in. They know you will always give in, if they push hard enough.
You don't have get belligerent to be considered an asshole, Scarf. Im very good at being a calm, low key, disappointed asshole.
To me that isn't an ass-hole.