Why do I even care?
Thank you for not responding to this raving
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| Looking for a new perspective http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=3892 |
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| Author: | Rider [ Tue May 06, 2014 5:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Looking for a new perspective |
I know a girl that sends me subconscious signals (so I think). She works in a souvenir shop just near by my working place. My boss sometimes sends me to the shop next to it to get some extra stuff for his kitchen. I have to pass in front of her shop. Almost every time by the time I am on my way back, she stands in front of it. During her break she comes to swim right in front of the restaurant I work in (to paint a better picture - her sister works with me)... so eventually I told her that we could meet some time. I felt like she did n´t reciprocate when responded with: "What for?" I see her with her mom and dad only (work, home and church), so I say that she might be a bit bored with this. She says "I am not as bored as you think." ...and walks back in the shop breaking the conversation. I stopped giving her attention and kept interaction to "Hello" only since then but every time I passed she would n´t take her eyes of me. If we´d talk I would count every letter and made sure I use less than her. After that, the restaurant closed as the season was over and she did n´t see me again for a few months. Now the season is back I will work there in few days and I get a feeling that this story is gonna be repeating itself. I went there few days ago to make some shopping and as soon she heard my motorbike she was outside her shop again. She made quite a walk towards me as I was getting back on my machine to talk to me. I greeted her with a compliment. We spent about 10 minutes talking. Nothing special. Mainly looking into each others eyes and just speaking. Among other things she asked me about my girlfriend. As she said: "... and how is your wife?.. what was her name by the way?" I have to admit, I see this girl as one of the most attractive girls I ever met and would like that something works out. I am not indifferent about it. I can make myself indifferent, and it´s not that hard when I don´t see her but as soon as we meet I have to put some effort in it. It´s annoying. Now, there are some questions about it: is she attracted to me or just bored in this shop of hers? If she is attracted, is she aware of it? What would be the best course of action for me in this situation? For now, I think I will be getting more evidence since I will be there every day again. Are there any other questions I should be asking myself? Could it be that I have the ball and don´t know about it about it? |
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| Author: | Rider [ Thu May 08, 2014 11:18 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
Why do I even care? Thank you for not responding to this raving
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| Author: | fufe [ Thu May 08, 2014 11:28 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
Btw, what do you enjoy doing ? What are your goals and aspirations for the future ? I'm kind of curious |
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| Author: | Altair [ Thu May 08, 2014 9:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
Pretty much no one even among members of the forum will be completely indifferent around some women. If they meet pretty much every criteria your looking for consciously and subconsciously the only thing you can do is give in to it in your mind. It releases the tension so you can focus on good decisions. I come across it once or twice a year still. I just embrace it so it cannot control me. Calibration and experience will tell you when you are seducing yourself vs them having a geniune affect on you ego removed. |
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| Author: | Rider [ Fri May 09, 2014 1:43 am ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | ||
Btw, what do you enjoy doing ? What are your goals and aspirations for the future ? I'm kind of curious
The list could be long. Look at my avatar. I love bikes and card magic. I am enjoying bike polo most at the moment but also love freeride, downhill and cross country. Outdoor sports is my thing. It´s something I do daily. I recently joined a group of older men to ride with. I am 37 myself and youngest one of them is 60. They are super funny bunch. One of my goals right now is to learn piano and music production. EDM is what I like. I remember I wanted to learn piano as a kid but had no support from my parents. Now, I have no excuses. I am still in the very beginnings, though.
Calibration and experience will tell you when you are seducing yourself vs them having a geniune affect on you ego removed.
Altair, I was trying to understand the underlined part of the sentence, and I could not. |
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| Author: | Altair [ Fri May 09, 2014 2:45 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
Hmm, it is difficult to put into words. This falls into the end of the spectrum where words aren't that useful. When you look at how most guys go about feeling attraction in the matrix it revolves around self-deception combined with the obvious external deception. The key here is the self-deception, they build her up in their mind. Accentuate the positive and downplay the negative, you create a story in your mind and convince yourself that it's true. Them having a geniune effect on you ego removed means that without the story in your mind they have caught your attention. It's a sincere compliment, because you don't hand it out very often. It gives them what they actually want, which to be given attention by someone who has taken notice of them personally. It needs to be calibrated so that you do it from a place of you are a person of value and have noticed them. But they can still fuck it up. This isn't something I would do with just anyone either. Very rare occurance. |
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| Author: | Rider [ Fri May 09, 2014 10:18 am ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | ||
Them having a geniune effect on you ego removed means that without the story in your mind they have caught your attention. It's a sincere compliment, because you don't hand it out very often. It gives them what they actually want, which to be given attention by someone who has taken notice of them personally. It needs to be calibrated so that you do it from a place of you are a person of value and have noticed them. But they can still fuck it up.
I get what you mean , now. I was somewhat confused thinking there was a need for punctuation in the sentence, but no. I can see it was meant to be as you wrote it.
This isn't something I would do with just anyone either. Very rare occurance.
^I am under the same impression. I will ponder on that. Thanks a lot. |
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| Author: | Aragorn [ Fri May 09, 2014 12:35 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | |
Why do I even care?
I suggest you ask yourself that question, and search within for the answer. |
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| Author: | Rider [ Fri May 09, 2014 8:12 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | ||
Why do I even care?
I suggest you ask yourself that question, and search within for the answer. 
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| Author: | Rider [ Tue May 13, 2014 12:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
It seems I came into some conclusions. I care because I wanna make sure, that when I make that move and ask her out, or offer her my number, she won´t reject me. I wanna avoid this rejection, therefore I am looking for something that will give me guarantee, that it is not gonna happen, but the truth is I have no control over it and nothing will be ever certain in this matter, unless I actually openly ask her for what I want. The fact that I care "paralyzes" my action, because I am trying to reach impossible conditions. I am trying to be sure. There is no certainty, and knowing this could be a motor for my indifference or at least a motivator. Tell me what you think. |
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| Author: | peregrinus [ Wed May 14, 2014 6:07 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | |
It seems I came into some conclusions.
How about this:I care because I wanna make sure, that when I make that move and ask her out, or offer her my number, she won´t reject me. I wanna avoid this rejection, therefore I am looking for something that will give me guarantee, that it is not gonna happen, but the truth is I have no control over it and nothing will be ever certain in this matter, unless I actually openly ask her for what I want. The fact that I care "paralyzes" my action, because I am trying to reach impossible conditions. I am trying to be sure. There is no certainty, and knowing this could be a motor for my indifference or at least a motivator. Tell me what you think. You could move tomorrow and get rejected. You could move next week and get accepted. The week after, get rejected. You do not know what is going on in her life, in yours, there are so many variables outside of your control. There is no certainty. There is only the moment. Nothing that happens before affects this moment and this moment affects nothing in the future. Read all the stories on here about someone who rejected them when they were younger then reappear in their lives later. Rejection is not permanent. Read that again... Rejection is not permanent. |
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| Author: | Aragorn [ Wed May 14, 2014 8:19 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | |
It seems I came into some conclusions.
I'll just add a bit to what pere said - you feel paralyzed, i.e. afraid. Her rejection, theoretical and in the future as it might be, is too great a potential danger to take that chance. I care because I wanna make sure, that when I make that move and ask her out, or offer her my number, she won´t reject me. I wanna avoid this rejection, therefore I am looking for something that will give me guarantee, that it is not gonna happen, but the truth is I have no control over it and nothing will be ever certain in this matter, unless I actually openly ask her for what I want. The fact that I care "paralyzes" my action, because I am trying to reach impossible conditions. I am trying to be sure. There is no certainty, and knowing this could be a motor for my indifference or at least a motivator. Tell me what you think. What will you be losing if she says no? What will you gain if she says yes? |
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| Author: | peregrinus [ Wed May 14, 2014 10:21 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | |
What will you be losing if she says no? What will you gain if she says yes?
What will you be losing if she says yes? What will you gain if she says no?and what moose35 said. |
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| Author: | GoldenBoy [ Thu May 15, 2014 6:05 pm ] | |||
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective | |||
Peregrinus +1  And read all the stories about someone who got pussy then got rejected the day after (not on here though if I recall  ). Acceptance is not permanent either. +1 on moments
Read that again... Rejection is not permanent.
Impermanence. One of the three truthes.
There are three truths—traditionally called three marks—of our existence:
http://www.dharmacrafts.com/Merchant2/g ... stence.pdf
impermanence, suffering, and egolessness
Impermanence is the goodness of reality. Just as the four seasons are in
continual flux, winter changing to spring to summer to autumn; just as day becomes night, light becoming dark becoming light a gain—in the same way, everything is constantly evolving. Impermanence is the essence of everything. It is babies becoming children, then teenagers, then adults, then old people, and somewhere along the way dropping dead. Impermanence is meeting and parting. It's falling in love and falling out of love. Impermanence is bittersweet, like buying a new shirt and years later finding it as part of a patchwork quilt. |
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| Author: | Altair [ Fri May 16, 2014 3:47 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
It'd be awfully boring if we knew all the outcomes. That's the fun part make the best decision and let the chips fall where they may. |
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| Author: | Rider [ Fri May 16, 2014 9:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
So many interesting answers. I appreciate the time you put into it fellas. I will not waste it.
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| Author: | Rider [ Fri May 23, 2014 8:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Looking for a new perspective |
In my present situation I have to let it go. |
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