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Being nice. Is it weak?
http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=2301		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Altair [ Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Being nice. Is it weak?
I'm pretty much always nice to other people, and I make a point of never handing out disrespect, or nothing of that nature without cause.

I find that since I tend to be..I guess the word would be socially calibrated and I'm paying attention to what would piss people off etc, I think they mistake it for weakness/beta.

They get this image that I am weak and passive. I am kinda passive on some stuff, but it is a shock for them when my ego has had enough and Im on the offensive. They'll usually try to stand their ground, but afterwards I'll be left alone.

They'll do things and it's like a rope each time they do something it's like cutting a string of that rope and when the last string breaks I'll snap.

So I have a couple choices..I can try to get past the fact that it really really bugs me. Hasn't had good results :lol:

I can call them out of bullshit whenever I see it. (this is my favorite option)

Or something else. What do you think? I know you've talked a lot about this, but its very confusing.
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Being nice. Is it weak?
If they take your kindness for weakness that is their problem...not yours. :geek:
Author:  Altair [ Sun Jun 10, 2012 2:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Being nice. Is it weak?
The Kidd!! wrote:
If they take your kindness for weakness that is their problem...not yours. :geek:
So do nothing?

It hasn't worked well, I'll just blow up at a point I have no control over. There's no remorse if it gets to that point but there has to be a better way of dealing with it.
Author:  GoldenBoy [ Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Being nice. Is it weak?
Morpheus wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
If they take your kindness for weakness that is their problem...not yours. :geek:
So do nothing?

It hasn't worked well, I'll just blow up at a point I have no control over. There's no remorse if it gets to that point but there has to be a better way of dealing with it.
Why would you blow up ?
Were you really nice ? (hint, you wouldn't blow up, you would most likely ignore them, because if they don't like the real nice you, well they're not worth spending time with, do they ?)

Or were you nice because you thought it would make it somewhat easier to deal with them (wanting their niceness in return) ?

And, you can still be nice without letting other people step on you ... (telling them calmly you don't appreciate ...)
Author:  peregrinus [ Sun Jun 10, 2012 4:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Being nice. Is it weak?
Why is it so black and white?

Do nothing

or

Blow Up.

There is a middle path.
Author:  StephenP [ Sun Jun 17, 2012 2:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Being nice. Is it weak?
Very profound!
Quote:
If they take your kindness for weakness that is their problem...not yours.
And, very profound!
Quote:
Why is it so black and white?

Do nothing

or

Blow Up.

There is a middle path.
Something I'm struggling with/working on. The PUA days left me with the bad habit of black and white thinking. And this has translated into everyday life as well.

What got me thinking about this was myself and a friend were at a bar and he said he was going to meet up with a girl who he liked a lot (however I can see she doesn't feel the same) at a bar down the street and would be back with her in 20 minutes. He never showed back up, and in spite of chatting with a cool dude next to me I was so upset over this. Not sure why. My first instinct was to be above it and not care at all. But I just couldn't shake being pissed off. My next instinct was to call him out through text the next day, but my gut said not too.

So I just chilled, festered in the anger without doing anything at all.

Much later in the day he apologized through text and I didn't respond, honestly because I was angry, and just kept watching tv. He then apologized again and asked if I wanted to meet up again tonight. I still didn't respond.

It then became comical, he kept apologizing and texting "bro again I'm sorry, where you at??" This was the release I needed to see that he felt shitty and was more worried about me than I was him. We eventually met up and all was cool.

Sometimes doing nothing is the answer, sometimes blowing up is the answer, sometimes explaining how you feel is the answer, sometimes subtly showing through actions how you feel is the answer, and sometimes varying degrees of all of the above is the answer.

I'm still working on this.
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