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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 2:14 pm 
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Hey Kidd, can you talk a bit about this quote from covert tactics?

Do you mean this literally, like when you first talk to a girl you try and get her to spill the beans on everything about herself, growing up, family etc?

If so, how do you introduce getting into really personal stuff like that into the conversation without seeming overly intrusive?

Thanks


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 5:35 pm 
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Ask her.

Ask her open ended questions about herself.

Lead her down the path, she will help you.

Why would it be intrusive, after all, her favourite subject to talk about is herself?

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:17 pm 
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Quote:
after all, her favourite subject to talk about is herself
This happens frequently to me. I have been told that I am a pretty good listener and sometimes girls just tell me everything about their life and interests. But the weird thing is they hardly ask me anything about me! I don't really feel the need to talk about myself, so that doesn't bother me. But at the end of the evening I know a lot about the girl and she doesn't know anything about me... I am not sure if this is a good thing... Is it? I often feel I might not be interesting to her, I am just there to talk to, a friend instead of a lover... :?


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:16 pm 
Don't sweat it dude. What you have to understand is that she thinks you need to know a lot about her to like her. The longer a female talks with you the more she feels she can develop a connection to you. I remember I talked on the phone with a female, and we talked a long time, over four hours.

It was like the balance of power just totally shifted my way. She sent me pictures of her in her underwear. She texted me good night, and texted me early the next day. She called me later in the same day. It was a shame I couldn't keep the interaction going with her because she in and out of the hospital, and I had to fly to a different state. I was very general about everything I said and didn't give her a whole lot of information, but she running off at the mouth about her life like books-on-tape.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:59 am 
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Ok, thanks guys.

To clarify, generally when I first meet or talk with a girl it always starts off light and casual, the basic stuff people talk about when they get to know each other. Work, hobbies etc. If there's any connection it expands and goes deeper naturally. Like Peregrinus said, I just listen and ask questions most of them time.

I'm guessing this is the kind of thing Kidd was actually talking about, in his own vernacular, am I right?


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 2:45 pm 
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The Depressing Phenomenon of Men Who Ask Their Dates No Questions
Quote:
Nikki, a 22-year-old journalism student from Minneapolis, is telling me about the worst date she’s ever been on, with a man called Athens she met at college. “He talked about his goals, his week, his career, his meditation, his favorite books, his respect for ‘real’ musicians and how most people pronounce ‘namaste’ wrong,” she says. Nikki waited in vain to be asked a single question about herself while Athens raved about philosophy, monogamy, wanting to live in a van and how acid could lead to a higher sense of self. She waited for him to ask her about herself the entire date. “He texted me the next day about how much fun the date was,” she continues, “and he spelled my name wrong in the text.”

Nikki’s experience is bleakly funny, but it’s far from an anomaly. In the past week, I’ve heard from more than 250 women, men and non-binary people about their experiences with men asking them zero questions on dates. For example, Diana, a 25-year-old New Zealander currently based in Indiana, recently went on a date with the man who fixed her dishwasher. Assuming she was from Australia, he monologued about snakes, Steve Irwin and prison colonies while ordering pork nachos for the two of them (Diana is a vegetarian). After several hours of unidirectional conversation, Diana hadn’t been asked to share a single personal detail. “He didn’t ask me anything,” she tells me. “Like, not one thing. To this day, I’m not sure if he knows my name.”

Some of these men went into excruciating detail about dull topics while their dates sat across from them uninterrogated about their own jobs, dreams, values, favorite TV shows and best jokes. Vanessa, a 49-year-old consultant in Wellington, tells me about a date who treated her to a speech about his new office layout without learning a single detail about her. “He talked about how Bryan at work had got a desk next to the window, which was obviously a travesty,” she says. “Then he explained at length how his phone charger wouldn’t fit the electrical plug on his desk.” I heard from people whose dates — all men — Chromecasted their haircut pictures, performed feeble magic tricks, sang songs, broadcast the date on Instagram, adopted the downward dog position, watched the bar TV or pulled out their phones and began texting; anything but ask a solitary question of their dates in return, most of whom had been sitting like free therapists for hours.

To add insult to injury, many of the women who shared these stories with me said that the men told them later that they felt the dates had gone swimmingly, often asking for a second. This makes sense: being able to speak about oneself freely and without interruption to a patient, attentive audience is a service that usually costs upwards of $150 a session. If some smart, attractive social media editor from Ohio is willing to act as a free therapist for a few hours — and as a semi-relevant aside, almost all of these men refused to pick up the check for dinner — it’s no wonder the same men were lining up for more. As Anna, another woman I spoke to about her zero-question date, puts it: “Of course he thought the date went well. He’d been able to talk about himself uninterrupted for hours, while I looked on bored.”

There’s no shortage of men more willing to wax lyrical about snowboarding, Mad Men, Socrates, their own penises, Amnesty International, mushrooms, foot fetishes, monogamy and war — and to sings songs, strike yoga poses, share the contents of their entire camera rolls and perform magic tricks — than to ask the flesh-and-blood women and men they’re presently on a date with a single question about themselves.

The kicker? Most of them walk away thinking they nailed it.
https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/the ... -questions

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2019 11:08 am 
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There is a quote that springs to mind: "be interesting by being interested".

I might also add that speaking less is quite a manly trait (women tend to talk much more, about 3x more avg. if I am not mistaken). When A shares much info about themselves with B, A feels connected to B. No wonder then, that those men felt great about the date (and the women didn't).

Also, talking too much can be a sign of weakness, especially if you are trying to proove yourself to the other person. If you are so great, why the need to boast? Less is more.

It's a great virtue, being able to control your speech. The easiest way is just speak less (the more you speak, the higher the chance for you to say something stupid). Also, from personal experience, I feel I can trust the person, be it male or female, when I see that they don't speak much and unnecessarly.

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3Hearingstoriesabouttheirgrandparents,madethesonsintogreatsons.Allgreatheroesadoredheroeswhotheyregardedas 13xGreater thanthemselves-theGreatBeingsoftheFuturesPast-totheirlastbreath. :geek:


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2019 8:13 pm 
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zogler wrote:
This makes sense: being able to speak about oneself freely and without interruption to a patient, attentive audience is a service that usually costs upwards of $150 a session.
This.

I've noticed many times seeing people relax, be less tense and their eyes dilate after talking so much about themselves. I've experienced this in myself as well.
The GK2 (slightly edited) wrote:
Also, talking too much can be a sign of weakness, if you are trying to prove yourself to the other person.
Depends on where the person is coming from; their mindset. I don't think it's necessarily a negative trait. It feels like it's almost irrelevant, if the 'core' is taken care of, it doesn't matter if I talk too much or not; it's irrelevant.

The GK2 wrote:
I might also add that speaking less is quite a manly trait (women tend to talk much more, about 3x more avg. if I am not mistaken).
"There is no spoon."

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:06 pm 
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TheDude wrote: *
I've noticed many times seeing people relax, be less tense and their eyes dilate after talking so much about themselves. I've experienced this in myself as well.
The GK2 (slightly edited) wrote:
Also, talking too much can be a sign of weakness, if you are trying to prove yourself to the other person.
Depends on where the person is coming from; their mindset. I don't think it's necessarily a negative trait. It feels like it's almost irrelevant, if the 'core' is taken care of, it doesn't matter if I talk too much or not; it's irrelevant.
Mind you, I'm talking more in general and not to necessarily to attract "bitches". There are f. ex studies done that shows that talking too much about your goal can lead you to not actually reach that goal (just talking about it quenches that thirst).

Furthermore, controling ones speech can help tremendously in ones career as well. When getting high up in the system, it's key that you are able to keep information to yourself.

But I agree, silence can be very akward for people. Sometimes we need to do small talk (and all that good stuff), to make people comfortable. But I truly believe, that in order to control ones speech, one has to be confortable with that akward silence. One has to go trough a period of speaking very little.

TheDude wrote: *
The GK2 wrote:
I might also add that speaking less is quite a manly trait (women tend to talk much more, about 3x more avg. if I am not mistaken).
"There is no spoon."
But the pain of the slap is and sometimes talking too much can get you in real good trouble :twisted:

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1ThewholeWorldbesearchinforthosewho'dbesearchinforthemselves.

3Hearingstoriesabouttheirgrandparents,madethesonsintogreatsons.Allgreatheroesadoredheroeswhotheyregardedas 13xGreater thanthemselves-theGreatBeingsoftheFuturesPast-totheirlastbreath. :geek:


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