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Men are the gatekeepers of value
http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=4721
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Author:  fufe [ Sat Jun 16, 2018 9:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

PimpDee wrote: *
Can you write some examples about it?
I actually have one I'd like Peregrinus to confirm.

This girl I know a little, we have lot of mutual friends and we meet regularly on events I attend
We talk about some stuff, then she mentions, how she sees me talk with almost everybody, and that I get along with almost everyone
It's hard to describe that moment into words on an online forum, but that sentence stood up to me.
Would you say that was a communication of value ? Because I've noticed her trying to be nice and supportive to everyone, especially younger girl who aspire to do the thing she does themselves - I actually like her supporting people like that a lot, that is one of the things that got me attracted more

Author:  peregrinus [ Sat Jun 16, 2018 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

She is describing you as a connector and someone who is socially aware

both of value to people (and her)

if she also manifests those values, it benefits her even more, by association and cooperation

"shared values"

Author:  PimpDee [ Sun Jun 17, 2018 8:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

fufe wrote: *
PimpDee wrote: *
Can you write some examples about it?
This girl I know a little, we have lot of mutual friends and we meet regularly on events I attend
We talk about some stuff, then she mentions, how she sees me talk with almost everybody, and that I get along with almost everyone
I had couple of times this type of words coming from a girl's mouth but I saw it as a clear sign of interest (not as a sign of value that I know people/I can talk to strangers). Like compliments.

Maybe with a foreigner even more because she explained me that in her city all people run fast and are cold...but other than that I don't know.

Other examples could be useful to understand better

Author:  peregrinus [ Sun Jun 17, 2018 9:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

PimpDee wrote: *
I had couple of times this type of words coming from a girl's mouth but I saw it as a clear sign of interest (not as a sign of value that I know people/I can talk to strangers). Like compliments.
Why would she be interested, I wonder...

Could it be because you have value to offer that matches with what she wants/needs.

GoldenBoy and TheDude both posted links on page 1 of this thread that are related to your question.

Author:  TheDude [ Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

fufe wrote: *
We talk about some stuff, then she mentions, how she sees me talk with almost everybody, and that I get along with almost everyone
It's hard to describe that moment into words on an online forum, but that sentence stood up to me.
fufe, maybe the sentenced stuck out to because it was pointing to something deeper in you than just the girl.

Author:  fufe [ Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

Yes it feels like "Yes, I am that, I am glad you are noticing" kind of warm feeling
I'd say I kind of wanted to notice it myself but didn't until now
And maybe me liking that somebody likes me for what I am (or this part of me, for starters)
That's the furthest I can see now

But god I must say I like her warm personality

Author:  Jared [ Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

fufe wrote: *
Yes it feels like "Yes, I am that, I am glad you are noticing" kind of warm feeling
I'd say I kind of wanted to notice it myself but didn't until now
And maybe me liking that somebody likes me for what I am (or this part of me, for starters)
That's the furthest I can see now

But god I must say I like her warm personality
Also

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 191#p43191

Author:  fufe [ Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

Jared wrote: *
More letting go of something you'd be hanging to internally - Which I can see myself in couple ways doing right now - so yeah :lol:

Author:  PimpDee [ Mon Jun 18, 2018 9:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

peregrinus wrote: *
PimpDee wrote: *
I had couple of times this type of words coming from a girl's mouth but I saw it as a clear sign of interest (not as a sign of value that I know people/I can talk to strangers). Like compliments.
Why would she be interested, I wonder...

Could it be because you have value to offer that matches with what she wants/needs.

GoldenBoy and TheDude both posted links on page 1 of this thread that are related to your question.
To be honest I do not get it.
I can understand that a woman can say nice things for tangible things like dress, work, house, car, whatever...that maybe she would like to have but for example knowing people in a place who is a "not tangible value"?
I do not get it. :?

Author:  peregrinus [ Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

PimpDee wrote: *
To be honest I do not get it.
I can understand that a woman can say nice things for tangible things like dress, work, house, car, whatever...that maybe she would like to have but for example knowing people in a place who is a "not tangible value"?
I do not get it. :?
Her tap starts leaking...

How long before you being able to handle plumbing is of value to her?
Or you knowing a good plumber?

Is that tangible?

[Did you re-read the posts on page1? - add this to the list : https://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtop ... 729#p23729 ]

Author:  zogler [ Sat Jul 07, 2018 10:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

Quote:
We propose that one of the bases of prejudice against love-based CNM relationships and the individuals who practice them, is zero-sum thinking about love—loosely defined as the perception that one person’s love gained is another’s love lost. We argue that some individuals engage in zero-sum thinking when interpreting love-based CNM relationships, and thus have a tendency to perceive these relationships and the parties to them as less valuable. We suggest that zero-sum thinking derives from underlying beliefs about relationship resources—that they are scarce (scarcity beliefs), and/or that an individual in a relationship deserves all of their partner’s relationship resources (entitlement beliefs).

First, individuals’ everyday experiences with scarce material resources in other domains may transfer to their understanding of abstract, romantic relationship resources like romantic love. Second, when individuals agree to be monogamous, they are typically agreeing to reserve certain behaviours (like physical intimacy) and emotions (like romantic love) for one other. Some individuals might believe that exclusivity means they are entitled to all of the time, attention, love, and intimacy that their partner has to give. In turn, this entitlement belief may lead to the perception that the love ‘spent’ on someone else represents a loss.
https://tylerburleigh.com/pubs/Burleigh ... amists.pdf

Author:  peregrinus [ Sat Jul 07, 2018 11:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

zogler wrote: *
In turn, this entitlement belief may lead to the perception that the love ‘spent’ on someone else represents a loss.
So this, oh this, this again.

Author:  zogler [ Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

Commitment is an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action; something that you must do or deal with that takes your time.

Value is the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.

Self-direction and autonomy are among the most important universal human needs.
They are based on 2 variables: whether individuals can (a) choose how their time is spent and (b) whether they experience freedom in life.

Therefore, commitment and autonomy are diametrically opposed to one another.

Commitment produces negative emotions to the extent it violates (a) and (b).

But different commitments offer different degrees of autonomy.
For example, some jobs offer a high degree of autonomy in what hours you keep and how you do your work, which increases job satisfaction.

Speaking of employment, the fulfillment of basic needs (food, shelter and clothing) requires income.
Hence work commitments are essential because basic needs are even more important than autonomy.

Look for work you are good at, work that helps others, and supportive conditions: engaging work that lets you enter a state of flow; supportive colleagues; lack of major negatives like unfair pay; and work that fits your personal life.

--

Suppose you have done the work on yourself. You are good the way you are.
You are the source of your happiness. You have assimilated this, this and this
You don't need anything to be complete, you are already complete.

Exchanges with the opposite sex then boil down to a statement of value: “This relationship is more valuable to you than me, so I have less to lose by walking out the door.”
This perception of increased value results in greater authority and desirability.
By not freely accepting any passing females, you communicate the value of your goods.

Why commit in light of the aforementioned?
Why commit when you are the prize, therefore no fear of loss?
Why commit when it is impossible to predict or control the future?
Why commit when sexual exclusivity decreases sexual desire over time?

Even sticking to the higher plane of love, is it so very obvious that you can't love more than one person? We seem to manage it with parental love (parents are reproached if they don't at least pretend to love all their children equally), love of books, of food, of wine (love of Chateau Margaux does not preclude love of a fine Hock, and we don't feel unfaithful to the red when we dally with the white), love of composers, poets, holiday beaches, friends . . . why is erotic love the one exception that everybody instantly acknowledges without even thinking about it?
—Richard Dawkins

Author:  peregrinus [ Sun Nov 11, 2018 12:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

Thoughtful post indeed
zogler wrote: *
Even sticking to the higher plane of love, is it so very obvious that you can't love more than one person? We seem to manage it with parental love (parents are reproached if they don't at least pretend to love all their children equally), love of books, of food, of wine (love of Chateau Margaux does not preclude love of a fine Hock, and we don't feel unfaithful to the red when we dally with the white), love of composers, poets, holiday beaches, friends . . . why is erotic love the one exception that everybody instantly acknowledges without even thinking about it?
—Richard Dawkins
I suspect it has more to do with the perspective of the lovee than the lover.
zogler wrote: *
Speaking of employment, the fulfillment of basic needs (food, shelter and clothing) requires income.
Hence work commitments are essential because basic needs are even more important than autonomy.

Look for work you are good at, work that helps others, and supportive conditions: engaging work that lets you enter a state of flow; supportive colleagues; lack of major negatives like unfair pay; and work that fits your personal life.
Wise words to be taken into account.

Something that often gets overlooked.

Author:  zogler [ Mon Nov 12, 2018 5:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men are the gatekeepers of value

High unemployment disciplines the capacity of workers to push for wages growth.
If you create enough unemployment you will suppress wage demands given that workers, by definition, have to work to live.

Trade union membership increases the capacity of workers to successfully achieve wage settlements.

The unemployment rate reminds me of the ratio of single men to single women.. Abundance vs. scarcity...

--

Win-win: Foreigners-locals relations

Foreigners get to 'live like a local' along with more novelty and variety than the local fare.
Locals get this along with more novelty and variety than the local fare.

The further down the path of self-actualization you are, the more you just look for the absence of red flags and to have fun and be compatible with others.
If they are also receptive to your mindset/knowledge and seek your guidance, it is the icing on the cake.

Peregrinus and Kidd are among the giants on whose shoulders we are standing.
Instead of seeing other men as competitors to put in a weaker or denigrated position, they see them as brothers to boost. Such an inspiration...

Btw if it's a win-win situation does it always matter?
When you both have a great time together?
When he/she is a good prospect who may one day surpass you?

--

Each gender is the gatekeeper of of whatever the opposite gender desires more.
They say that men are the gatekeepers of commitment, while women are the gatekeepers of sex.

Women are more responsible for reproduction and they enjoy sex more... Men are the gatekeepers of sex

Commitment makes sense only financially when your income is inadequate to raise a family.
Since men are more financially secure and enjoy higher incomes on average... Men are the gatekeepers of commitment

But financial commitment doesn't require sexual exclusivity or "you are my everything" and "I just want to be your everything."
You are there for your kids when they need you, you love and care them, and that's it..

Finding "The One" is overrated: emotionships matter more.. Different folks for different emotional strokes

Contemporary people are increasingly relying on their spouses (and decreasingly relying on their broader social networks) to fulfill their higher level needs.

Whatever happened to 'variety is the spice of life'?

Consider monogamous, till-death-do-us-part marriage in light of Chaos Theory..

Chaos is the science of surprises, of the nonlinear and the unpredictable. It teaches us to expect the unexpected.
Our lives are an ongoing demonstration of Chaos Theory and The Butterfly Effect.

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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