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 Post subject: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 3:32 am 
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I completed this challenge last year. I was inspired by this thread.

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 7243#p7243


Disclaimer: If I was getting laid like a rockstar last year, I probably would not have tried this! :lol: :lol: :lol:

90 Days of Allowing: Thoughts/Results/Discoveries

Objective: To go 90 consecutive days without sex or masturbation

Status: COMPLETED

The first question is: Why? What do I expect to gain? What is the purpose?

Some quick background information: I spent my 20’s (I’m 30 now) stuck in a rut with women, giving them too much power, spending too much time intellectually trying to figure out ways to get them to come to me, going out to bars to pick them up (but being too in my head to consistently start conversations and mostly just spent time drinking and talking to friends), thinking about them so much I downplayed/procrastinated to work on myself (no advanced degree, average work effort, overspending my means on trips/bar nights to get this figured out – which lead to some sizeable credit card debts!) using all self help techniques in a vain attempt to improve my opportunities with women.

In a few words, this topic has consumed most of my teen/adult life, even down to decisions on if I should move to a city because it has a particular vibrant life with little regard to whether or not I would actually want to live there.

In the past, getting this area of my life handled meant to get a ton of dates, lots of hot girlfriends, etc. Now, the definition of being handled has changed and has little to do with outside results. It’s more of a path of self-discovery, learning to work the with energy, and being able to walk away from the bargaining table if I don’t like the terms, and more importantly having more time to discover what I really want to do in this life.

My hope for the challenge was to prove to myself that I could go without. That in my body (and not intellectually) that I knew I did not need women to survive. Yes, it would be a challenge and at times maybe lonely, but I had to do this for myself.

So what if I failed? So what if once I was completed nothing had changed? This was a risk I was willing to take, maybe nothing will happen other than the satisfaction to at least say that I was disciplined and committed for 90 days.

I chose 90 days for 2 reasons: 1) it was easy to remember, 2) it was easy to extrapolate (well, if I did 90 days, I would have more confidence to go 6 months, if necessary). Could I have gone longer? Sure, but I don’t want to be a celibate monk or use the experiment as an excuse to not engage women in real life. I could always do the non-releasing challenge again if the desire to do this challenge arose. True mastery is not only witnessing (which this experience has been), but also being in the moment and knowing that you can get sex and deciding for yourself independent of your desire if this particular situation is worth taking further.

To sum up in one sentence what this challenge has done for me: I’m no longer operating on auto-pilot with my sexual desires.

In the past, I always had a desire and a compulsion for action. Compulsion for action = neediness. Neediness = Repulsion of women. I understand now that the desire will always be there (I always thought indifference meant no desire), but the compulsion for immediate action is not there because I am no longer needy in that I know inside my body that I can go without sex. Not that you never take action, but you don’t FORCE action, when the opportunity arises you take action.

A virgin can be more indifferent than a master player. Indifference has nothing to do with results, but with attachment to results. A redundant thought for sure, but interesting to see now.

Taking this challenge has made me realize even though some manipulation by women is unavoidable, I can honestly say that of course, I still have desires for them, but I don’t generally get that feeling in the solar plexus when I see them that I have to do something to get them to like me like I used to when it was automatic. I’ve already experience the worst as far as deprivation to sex & releasing.

There is also an ebb and flow with the energy. Some times I would feel a heavy feeling down there and want to release just to release the energy, but I allowed the feeling as best as I could.

How often do men have sex just to get their rocks off and release the energy? How often is it out of genuine like and appreciation for a woman?


I’m also finding that sex is much more emotional. I see some very beautiful chicks but I feel nothing when I see her and then I run into a decent looking girl but there is something about her that is like wow.

Another realization is that stop looking for women to make you happy. Look for them to provide what they can provide and appreciate them for this. This was another key to stop looking in the wrong places for things that cannot provide what I think they can.

60-90 days observations…

The desire for sex is more emotional than physical….

Allowing was the biggest key that has allowed me to go through the challenge….

Also, there were moments when I broke down and allowed the feelings of despair, powerlessness, and vulnerability that lasted from a few hours to a day. Once the dust settled from these breakdowns, each time I felt stronger, more powerful, and more at peace.

As I allowed the feelings of attraction to certain women, I noticed I was ok with it being vulnerable and powerless. So I find my feelings of attraction to women have been more intense and yet I feel more indifferent….(huh?)

I’m starting to view women differently. Before I would be so into a chick’s body I wouldn’t even consider if she was a good match for me. The challenge has down-graded sex enough to the point that my big head is starting to have more of say in what actions I take.

The less I used this challenge as technique of to achieve total indifference towards women (the thoughts arose from time to time), the more indifferent I felt.

I notice the girls that I like the most (not necessarily always the best looking) seem to give me the most non-verbal signs. I don’t know if it’s a genetic/subconscious thing, but it has been interesting.

Subtly noticing when I’m taking action (talking to women) because I’m feeling needy & when it is truly out of a good place. The neediness comes from the approval, the desire to have the motherly love from a woman, which she cannot provide.

“In those moments you are tempted to do things you are not suppose to do and you don’t do them are the moments that build the most character and you gain the most power and you go to the next level faster.” – Brent Smith

On day 75, I was at work and an intense feeling came over me. I allowed it and a thought came over me that maybe this challenge was too big for me and that I was better off releasing to quell the energy. I allowed this intense feeling for what seemed like an hour but was no more than 5 minutes (and obviously I couldn’t release because I was at work), but as I was allowing the feeling dissolved after a few minutes and I felt stronger.

Towards, the end of the challenge, I started to hang out with a group of people I know. There is a girl in the group and her and I hit it off immediately and there is an obvious attraction between the two of us. It has been extremely difficult for me to allow the feelings to be there & take NO action at the same time, because I want to finish the challenge first before I do anything. But there is a part of me saying, “Hey moron, go get her!” Ironically, I think this non-action will propel her closer to me faster anyway.

The nervous system gets triggered big time when things are within reach. I’m sure if I saw a supermodel or some hot chick that I knew wasn’t into me, the nervous system would not feel that desire to do something. But this feeling to make something happen, is different from the feeling in gut I used to have when I was an auto-pilot.

When you find yourself attached to a particular outcome with a girl, instead of just blindly forcing action, I found it is better to allow the feeling of neediness and once the feeling subsides you’ll be at peace and feel better about the situation even if nothing happens.

_________________
"Truth is not something that can be truly and deeply understood by having it spoon-fed to you." - Adyashanti


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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 5:52 am 
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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 9:03 am 
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Pfffft, you haven't mentionned ONCE one critical element : SPACE. :mrgreen:

Think of all the SPACE you oozed for others, and created for yourself (by allowing). :geek:

So, for new members :
Quote:
It’s more of a path of self-discovery, learning to work the with energy, and being able to walk away from the bargaining table if I don’t like the terms, and more importantly having more time to discover what I really want to do in this life.
Giving yourself SPACE.
Quote:
True mastery is not only witnessing (which this experience has been), but also being in the moment and knowing that you can get sex and deciding for yourself independent of your desire if this particular situation is worth taking further.
Giving SPACE for the right action.

Goes with :
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... t=20#p8987
Kidd :
You do...because it is in YOUR power to not do what you WANT to do...but what NEEDS to be done...that is the true measure of a man. :ugeek:
Quote:
I can honestly say that of course, I still have desires for them, but I don’t generally get that feeling in the solar plexus when I see them that I have to do something to get them to like me like I used to when it was automatic.
Allowing yourself / giving yourself the SPACE to FEEL the desire, in its birth and death, not acting directly as soon as you feel it.
Quote:
How often do men have sex just to get their rocks off and release the energy? How often is it out of genuine like and appreciation for a woman?
viewtopic.php?f=17&t=329#p2318 Connected sex / unconnected sex.
Quote:
When you find yourself attached to a particular outcome with a girl, instead of just blindly forcing action, I found it is better to allow the feeling of neediness and once the feeling subsides you’ll be at peace and feel better about the situation even if nothing happens.
Allowing yourself / giving yourself the SPACE to FEEL the desire, in its birth and death, not acting directly as soon as you feel it.



Other things :
Quote:
Another realization is that stop looking for women to make you happy. Look for them to provide what they can provide and appreciate them for this. This was another key to stop looking in the wrong places for things that cannot provide what I think they can.
This reminds me of Mr roark's post :
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2848
roark :
Being a man means integrity, character, passion, calmness, and consistency. Think about it - most guys define their MASCULINITY by PUSSY. How fucking dumb is that???
Quote:
The desire for sex is more emotional than physical….
This goes with : http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=1031
relevant quote (well the thread is gold but ...)
Grinus :
Ever notice how you have to get emotional in some way to come? You have to let go to a degree to let it happen, rather than utterly forcing it out.
Quote:
I’m starting to view women differently. Before I would be so into a chick’s body I wouldn’t even consider if she was a good match for me. The challenge has down-graded sex enough to the point that my big head is starting to have more of say in what actions I take.
8-)
Quote:
The less I used this challenge as technique of to achieve total indifference towards women (the thoughts arose from time to time), the more indifferent I felt.
8-)
Quote:
I notice the girls that I like the most (not necessarily always the best looking) seem to give me the most non-verbal signs. I don’t know if it’s a genetic/subconscious thing, but it has been interesting.
Kidd post on relm : http://www.relationalmastery.com/amembe ... 10c6#p8595 :
Ah! So you also know how to use yourself as a barometer to assess sexual tension? I haven't bumped into anyone else yet that knows what I'm talking about when I try to explain it!

I get turned on by knowing that my lady friend is turned on...so if I feel turned on around a woman, I KNOW that she has the hots for me. Please, say this makes sense to you guys...everyone else at the other place thinks I'm crazy. :lol:

Quote:
Taking this challenge has made me realize even though some manipulation by women is unavoidable
I'm considering that now women you will let enter in your life are attracted to you, therefore potential keepers.

http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... =904#p7877
Kidd :
A keeper that is once bitten twice shy is going to want to make sure that whomever she decides to invest in is worthy of her investment. Therefore, she will test you. The difference between a golddiggin' ass hoe's tests and a keepers tests are night and day. Like how I said my keeper wanted to know beyond the shadow of any measurable doubt that I was VERY interested in


Kudos, sir
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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler


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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:10 am 
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Beautiful post AlexJ

Many gems held within

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:09 am 
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Funny, I'm on Day 4 of this exact same challenge. You've inspired me with the allowing and space portion, basically 90 days for you, which I'll be incorporating and experimenting with.

This takes enormous discipline, kudos man. Hope to see you on the other side.

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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:22 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 11:28 pm
Posts: 175
moose35 wrote:
Funny, I'm on Day 4 of this exact same challenge. You've inspired me with the allowing and space portion, basically 90 days for you, which I'll be incorporating and experimenting with.

This takes enormous discipline, kudos man. Hope to see you on the other side.
One thing.There will be ebbs & flows of energy. There will be times where you will feel the surge of energy and feel like releasing. It's like the waves in a ocean, the wave will crest, but after the wave there will be a calm.

You'll learn a lot and look forward to your insights!

Good Luck!

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"Truth is not something that can be truly and deeply understood by having it spoon-fed to you." - Adyashanti


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 Post subject: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:29 pm 
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From Rationalwiki:

The effects of masturbation have been alleged to include:

Positive

Pleasure, often to the point of mild euphoria and enjoyable involuntary muscular contractions.
In males, lowered incidence of prostate cancer.
In females, compensating for the inadequacies of males.[citation NOT needed]

Negative

God does not approve of spilling your seed, because it violates the Bible commandment to be fruitful, and multiply

These have yet to be verified by the use of double-blind trials in accordance with the scientific method. (There are however said to be many eager college students prepared to be paid volunteers for such a long-term study for the benefit of humankind, at least as long as they are not part of the control group[7].)

Causing hair to grow on the palms of one's hands.
Making you go blind. [8]
Ye being struck down by the vengeful hand of God.
Neuralgia, rheumatism, affection of the spine, diseased kidneys, and cancerous humors.
Homosexuality
Drying up of the precious bodily fluids
Catarrh, dropsy, headache, loss of memory and sight, great weakness in the back and loins, affections of the spine, and frequently, inward decay of the head.
Dead kittens.
Por speleing
Eternal damnation in the Lake of Fire
Increased time spent in purgatory
Sore wrists and forearm muscles (definitely some anecdotal evidence available)
Sticky computer monitors and/or keyboards, if jacking off to internet porn.
Peyronie's Disease (too much wanking causes the tissue in parts of your knob to harden, thus causing said erect knob to bend alarmingly)

_________________
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

-Thoreau's Walden


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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 10:25 pm 
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AlexJ wrote:
When you find yourself attached to a particular outcome with a girl, instead of just blindly forcing action, I found it is better to allow the feeling of neediness and once the feeling subsides you’ll be at peace and feel better about the situation even if nothing happens.
Very well said, I let that happen today when I was having dinner with a couple female friends, the upstairs was empty and two older blondes walked past our table to the end of the room then walked back to sit at the table next to ours, now they were within my view. I had a slight feeling of wanting to go talk to them but stopped myself.

From my peripherals I could see they were looking at me and my eyes caught one of them staring me down for a couple seconds but I didn't approach them because my current mindframe is they either physically approach me or they get nothing. Eventually they left after a failed pickup attempt by these two dudes who randomly sat at their table to try something.

Unlike in the past, this feeling I had was a genuine curiosity rather than being enamored with them.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 9:04 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 10, 2011 6:00 pm
Posts: 1671
The Pokemon Trainer wrote:
From Rationalwiki:

The effects of masturbation have been alleged to include:

Positive

Pleasure, often to the point of mild euphoria and enjoyable involuntary muscular contractions.
In males, lowered incidence of prostate cancer.
In females, compensating for the inadequacies of males.[citation NOT needed]

Negative

God does not approve of spilling your seed, because it violates the Bible commandment to be fruitful, and multiply

These have yet to be verified by the use of double-blind trials in accordance with the scientific method. (There are however said to be many eager college students prepared to be paid volunteers for such a long-term study for the benefit of humankind, at least as long as they are not part of the control group[7].)

Causing hair to grow on the palms of one's hands.
Making you go blind. [8]
Ye being struck down by the vengeful hand of God.
Neuralgia, rheumatism, affection of the spine, diseased kidneys, and cancerous humors.
Homosexuality
Drying up of the precious bodily fluids
Catarrh, dropsy, headache, loss of memory and sight, great weakness in the back and loins, affections of the spine, and frequently, inward decay of the head.
Dead kittens.
Por speleing
Eternal damnation in the Lake of Fire
Increased time spent in purgatory
Sore wrists and forearm muscles (definitely some anecdotal evidence available)
Sticky computer monitors and/or keyboards, if jacking off to internet porn.
Peyronie's Disease (too much wanking causes the tissue in parts of your knob to harden, thus causing said erect knob to bend alarmingly)
Some of these are :lol: :lol: :lol:


:o I just looked at some Peyronie's Disease pictures. I have that ... Damn those high school years :cry: :cry: on a positive note, it's not that alarming :oops: :arrow: :( :arrow: :geek:

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler


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 Post subject: Re: 90 Days....
PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:09 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:54 pm
Posts: 444
Nicely done, AlexJ. These are the kinds of insight that lead to becoming a REAL Man.
GoldenBoy wrote:
Quote:
How often do men have sex just to get their rocks off and release the energy? How often is it out of genuine like and appreciation for a woman?
I have a theory that, more often than they would care to admit, guys lay a chick more for the respect that they would get from other guys, as opposed to because they are really into her.

How many times have you been out with guys, and the minute a hot chick shows interest in you, you get a subtle (or not-so-subtle) "vibe" that they guys have (temporarily) elevated you to the top of the heap? MORE FUCKIN FAIL!

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"Temet Nosce"


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