Natural Freedom

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 7:48 pm 
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And:
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What can I say, 'actually I decided what you did was a deal breaker and I'm tired of feeling like you don't consider my feelings. Sure you wanted space on the trip and I didn't give it, but you didn't give a damn about how I felt and expected me to just go a long with it. Yeah we talked about it prior, but I had no idea you meant to that extreme. Even though you've made an effort on pda, it is not enough. I still feel like I'm not really your boyfriend in public and don't like how we barely communicate with each other in a group setting. Sure you want to talk with friends, but why does it always feel like our intimacy and relationship has to be hidden on some level?'




Yeah, that's exactly what you should say. But that requries honesty and giving her the space to pull her weight as well.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 7:57 pm 
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foofatron wrote:
When I'm single I feel like I make a lot of progress and came to feel I dealt with a lot of issues. Every time I get involved with a girl lots more comes up that I thought were resolved or new stuff. I still have a lot of feelings and insecurities to come to terms with. Yes I have lost sight of self development because I've been trying to get fulfillment through her. This needs to change.


Don't worry, it will change. The only question is....the easy way or the hard way

https://youtu.be/S4m848bh1iY?t=1m16s


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 9:42 pm 
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You've basically admitted you can't finish how you started...and she knows this :geek:

You really should abort the mission...but you're not going to do that because you've gotten way too attached to an outcome that is actually no longer attainable.

Mark my words...she is giving you the long kiss goodnight as we speak.

Prepare yourself...winter is coming :ugeek:

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 10:46 pm 
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I had hoped that this trip could one day been seen as just a glitch. I had no idea how to respond when the trip forced us to be around each other most waking hours and yet she was so distant. I had hoped that I could go back to the way things were when we reached campus because I could easily control my distance and give space. The campus environment made it easy to give space and let her come to me in the beginning.

Throughout the trip I felt knew to give space, I even had a dream of me chasing her into the arms of another man. At the beginning of the week I felt if I just gave her space she would come to me even on the trip and in the end things would be fine. I did not listen well.

She initially described me as strong and mature, but after this trip she described me as clingy. Maybe I was wrong to think that perception could be changed by anything other than a reset, a break-up even.


I'm sitting with this and will continue to sit with this and evaluate our relationship. I've been getting closer to doing it, and may do so tonight. I want to feel that I'm making the right decision.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:00 pm 
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It's not a glitch. She had a pretty good idea of how this trip would go. I assure you, she could smell the clingyness when you first meet, it's what made her 'comfortable' enough to get with you. The challenge for her is seeing if she could activate it. Now she knows she can.

And now you know what you have to work on.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:14 pm 
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foofatron wrote:
I had hoped that this trip could one day been seen as just a glitch. I had no idea how to respond when the trip forced us to be around each other most waking hours and yet she was so distant. I had hoped that I could go back to the way things were when we reached campus because I could easily control my distance and give space. The campus environment made it easy to give space and let her come to me in the beginning.

Throughout the trip I felt knew to give space, I even had a dream of me chasing her into the arms of another man. At the beginning of the week I felt if I just gave her space she would come to me even on the trip and in the end things would be fine. I did not listen well.

She initially described me as strong and mature, but after this trip she described me as clingy. Maybe I was wrong to think that perception could be changed by anything other than a reset, a break-up even.


I'm sitting with this and will continue to sit with this and evaluate our relationship. I've been getting closer to doing it, and may do so tonight. I want to feel that I'm making the right decision.


1) The dream is very telling. Your subconscious mind is actualizing your greatest fear to you and manifesting into your experience bc you can't let go of it. Letting go is the only way to bring your desire into manifestation. What you can't see right now is that this girl is just a idealization of what you want. She represents an ideal but she isn't special, your unwillingness to let go of her actually means you aren't worthy of having her because you feel you have to hold onto her for dear life. You won't allow her(her type of energy is really what you want subconsciously) to come and go freely in reality. Now the game of life is going to show you letting go is the only way. As I already said, the easy way or the hard way, you can choose to let go or you can be brought a crippling amount of suffering until you see that holding on is futile.

2) This is how reality works. You're negotiating with reality via the people around you(energetically)for a "self image" if you will. You want the self image of strong and masculine so you put forth your best effort in being that way early on. It wasn't actually who you were when you started the negotiation but you put on a good act, put a lot of energy into it and even convinced this girl to some small degree that's who you were, and that's her ideal in a man so she immediately started testing for it to make sure it was real. Slowly or perhaps quickly your "strong and masculine" mask was breaking though right before her eyes and to your own dismay. She started making offers to you that your true clingy self couldn't resist. Talk to me everyday on the phone, hang out with me in all your free time, drop your friends for me, give up all your hobbies to spend time with me. And right back to your old clingy/needy way of being you went. A TRUE strong and masculine man would never agree to do any of those things, especially not so early on into a relationship. Those types of things would be very slowly eased into until you were both finally living together and even then she would not occupy all your free time. You're in negotiation at all times with Reality for the person you claim you want to be. Attempting to hold onto this girl is not really holding onto her, it's what she represents, it's an attempt to hold onto to your old Self Image of being clingy/needy. You know deep down if you drop this girl like a bad habit, she's almost assuredly gone for good because she represents exactly that, your bad habit of being clingy and needy. You know what you NEED to do, you know what your ego WANTS to do.

The choice is in your hands....the easy way or the hard way?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:30 pm 
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Here, watch these a couple times. This guy describes this whole process and the energetic exchange which creates our Reality

viewtopic.php?f=22&t=4542


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 2:27 am 
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I would have agreed to her want to be alone for the entire trip. The problem is that you are currently transitioning your personality. It hasn't have enough time to swirl around in your brain to become your default. I remember being in places like when I was younger. It was painful, but you have to decide to stick with it.

Eventually you have to truly decide you don't give a fuck and be at peace with yourself. For this to work you have to be willing to let her go without a second thought. Leave you or stay it should amount to the same for you because you are happy and content with your life. If she leaves something better will probably come along.

That's how I look at it. Maybe I will find someone better, maybe I'll die alone...who cares. I accept my fate.

Dreams are pretty much the final frontier as far as getting deep into your psyche.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 11:20 pm 
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The hard way is the easy way and the easy way is the hard way.

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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 11:04 pm 
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That's where I'm aiming Altair. Although I feel some standards should be set that I haven't.

Things got a lot better and fast. Better than they were before and the other guy turned out to be a non-issue. I recently screwed up after being dramatic about basically the same stuff that bothered me before. My approached sucked since I was angry and made me seem needy, but after releasing and reflecting I do feel that what I want is fair and should be a standard. I wrote down my thoughts to help me gain a clearer picture of how I felt. As a reminder, we basically live together (she invites me over every night) since her roommate decided to live in an apartment with her bf after paying for a year of room on campus.


Quote:
I do not like how you put the perceived thoughts of others above me. I enjoy pda and dancing and don’t care what people think about it. I would not want to change the way I wish to interact with somebody I love just because somebody might feel uncomfortable. I am reasonable and moderate, I wouldn’t engage in a make-out session or try to feel you up in public, nor would I want to. However, if somebody gets uncomfortable at the sight of sharing a few kisses, touches, or saying ‘I love you’ then that is on them and it is not something I wish to censor. Nor do I care what your friends think about it. You can dance with them and me, but to avoid dancing with me because it might make them feel left out is backward in my perspective. You would dance with them too and not ignore them so it isn’t like you are actually leaving them out. If they feel uncomfortable because you choose to dance with me for some time then that is on them. Two people who love each other should be able to dance with each other even in front of friends. Also similar is how you would make me sit apart from you in case somebody might feel awkward that we were sitting next to each other. What you are essentially saying is that I am less important than the guests. I’m not even sure what you think would happen if we did sit next to each other since we barely talk to each other in a group setting anyway. And no I don’t need or want to sit next to you all the time, but it is the fact that you feel the need to assert it.
When you alter the way we interact in such ways it makes me feel like you put me beneath their very thoughts – a pretty low position. Thoughts that are probably completely imaginary. It makes me feel like you’re trying to hide me. It makes me feel unloved, since it feels like you are ignoring my feelings and I feel that somebody who loves me should/would do these things. It feels like you take me for granted in these situations because I’m your boyfriend.
People who see us can’t tell and don’t think we are dating – so I know it isn’t just my perspective. You wonder why I might seem anti-social around you, well because I don’t feel loved or acknowledged in those situations. If I did of course I’d enjoy them a lot more. It makes me just not want to hang around your friends and just keep our times separate. I love hanging out with just my friends and would enjoy just yours too, but it is the fact that you are with me that makes me not want to.


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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 11:17 pm 
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I should also add that she is the same with me in public without her friends as she is with me in private.


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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2017 1:01 am 
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You seem to have emphasized a lot that she has "invited you over" every night. I'm not sure what you think that means, but in this context it has little to potentially zero connection to a woman inviting you over - it is basically a relationship routine.

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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2017 2:58 pm 
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Flow83 wrote:
You seem to have emphasized a lot that she has "invited you over" every night. I'm not sure what you think that means, but in this context it has little to potentially zero connection to a woman inviting you over - it is basically a relationship routine.

There is also another angle to this.

You are putting effort in, in going over.

What effort is she putting in?

Both parts have implications, it is one of many reasons I invite women over.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2017 4:56 pm 
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Yes it is probably part routine. However, most nights I don't spend there she texts or calls that she misses me or wants to hear my voice. It is obvious that she wants to see me. There are likely some nights that it is done out of pure routine, but still it makes me feel that she really wants me among other things.

I think I get what you're saying grinus. However, since her roomate is never there we choose to sleep over her place. My roomate is always over day and night. I wouldn't want to bring her to my place when hers is available and empty. We also live on campus so walking a few minutes is not much effort. I feel like most of the time the effort she puts in is in contacting me as far as this goes. She'll text me throughout the day or ask how random things went. I feel that it is the mans job to arrange meet-ups when a women reaches out, but since she invites me over every night I only arrange the dates off-campus. She has tried to set-up dates when I've gone a while without doing anything. For example she might be like it's been a while, I want to get food with you let's go out.

I do feel like I have been investing more into her than she has into me though. Before I'd get angry about it, but now I've come to realize I just need to tone back a little and she'll fill in the space. I guess I was still in the mindset that I needed to do something when a lot of times I could've just laid back and done nothing. This is more in regard toward little things that stemmed from my attitude and emotions.


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PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2017 12:26 am 
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foofatron wrote:
For example she might be like it's been a while, I want to get food with you let's go out.

Let her do this more.

foofatron wrote:
I do feel like I have been investing more into her than she has into me though. Before I'd get angry about it, but now I've come to realize I just need to tone back a little and she'll fill in the space. I guess I was still in the mindset that I needed to do something when a lot of times I could've just laid back and done nothing. This is more in regard toward little things that stemmed from my attitude and emotions.

:)

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2017 11:49 pm 
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One thing I'm not sure about how to approach is that she still has some feelings for her ex that she broke up with like 8 months ago. I let her open up a few times and tell me everything without judging. She felt comfortable, cried, and was surprised I did not get defensive or upset.

Recently she told me that she always checks to see if he looks at her snap chat and that she had a dream about visiting him and telling him how happy she was with me. She also told me that sometimes she reminiscence on that things were good in the summer when they broke up. Both times it was right before her period and she later blamed her emotionalness on that. The second time bothered me because it was later on in our relationship and she vocalized that she would want to hang out with him and be friends some day. I didn't reveal my feelings though. He was in her friend group and now their group just does things without her and invites him and she feels left out. She made a comment today when her friend was talking about a guy who revealed he was not over his ex on a date. She said that you never stop loving the person you just stop being in love with them. That made me think that she thought more about her ex and her feelings since.

Her ex broke up with her and has a gf and honestly I don't think he'd want to be with her. It just bothers me that she hasn't resolved to just be emotionally done with him. I'm also not sure what part I'm not doing for her that he did, because most things she says I do better. She's told me literally everything she's done sexually and opens up to me about most things. Also, if she is as happy with me as she claims to be then I think it'd say something about her if she still missed him, like in terms of actually being a good fit for a monogamous relationship.


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 2:16 am 
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A!

So no reset ?

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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 2:50 pm 
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foofatron, encourage her to pursue those feelings.

Encourage her to go meet him etc.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 2:55 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
foofatron, encourage her to pursue those feelings.

Encourage her to go meet him etc.

Image¨

Hell yeah


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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2017 9:16 pm 
lol salt :lol:

reality cracker here

After that post you uploaded, me thinks she may not be the woman you think she is (she ain't no virgin) and has been lying to you. :lol:

Tell her to go see him, but don't be surprised if she wasn't/isn't as invested in the whole virginity thing until marriage as you. I suggest you check out the delusion damage. There should be a section on why that whole virgin till marriage thing is a ruse.

Btw, if you make it the whole 9 yards, just remember you made it 9 yards, not 10. It wouldn't be cool to not give you some heads up for if or when that bride party comes about.

Keep in mind, it's way different for you having a rule of no sex till marriage than it is for her to have that rule.

Either way, she needs to do some shopping around and that means basically means she's going to do this eventually:

8===D (\/)

The really fucked up part is that she may see herself doing it for you or as a way to make the two of you stronger. Hopefully, it winds up being with you, but I doubt it.


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