Natural Freedom

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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 7:12 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:51 pm
Posts: 1579
Location: Laniakea Supercluster
Flow83 wrote:

There are some people it feels natural to be open around and connect with and others it does not. To try to force against that can actually be very counterproductive.


Quote:
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."

— Garry Shandling

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"When values are clear, decisions are easy." ---Dan Peña


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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 7:35 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:11 am
Posts: 728
Gary shandling! Been a minute.

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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 5:28 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:46 am
Posts: 118
She revealed her feelings for me last night.

She is concerned though. We're both graduating next semester and she may go abroad for some amount of time and may live overseas. She also feels that she doesn't want to get into anything too quick and was worried she might end up hurting me. She asked me a lot of questions one of them being if I've ever been in love... She told me she has never felt more connected to a guy in her life. She said she's been distracted and she'd been thinking about me a lot. She said she wants to wait.

I just don't want her to close off to me...


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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:22 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:42 pm
Posts: 149
Location: UK
Who do you want to be? How would you like to be remembered? What effect would you like to have on the world?

When you start asking this: `I just don't want her to close off to me...`, you should give space. Its the space in which the child can grow into a man.

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We go away to find home, we make acquaintances to understand friends, we converse in order to enrich our conversation with ourselves. - Michael Oakeshott


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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:32 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:42 pm
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Location: UK
P.S don't fall for this bull: ' She told me she has never felt more connected to a guy in her life. She said she's been distracted and she'd been thinking about me a lot.' Its a good sign nothing more.

If it were as amazing as you think it is she wouldn't be saying this bull: 'She is concerned though... She also feels that she doesn't want to get into anything too quick and was worried she might end up hurting me......She said she wants to wait.' and she wouldn't bother with any of this: 'She asked me a lot of questions one of them being if I've ever been in love'.


'Its a good sign nothing more.' A good sign for your life that is..... if you can get over the bull. Woman are a mirror and they know what they are doing.

PPS. That doesn't mean that you cant value your experience with her as a person. Unless you want to be treating her like an object with your grabby hands.

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We go away to find home, we make acquaintances to understand friends, we converse in order to enrich our conversation with ourselves. - Michael Oakeshott


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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 5:18 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1852
foofatron wrote:
She also feels that she doesn't want to get into anything too quick and was worried she might end up hurting me.


They never worry about that shit, not really, don't fall for it.

foofatron wrote:
She asked me a lot of questions one of them being if I've ever been in love... She told me she has never felt more connected to a guy in her life. She said she's been distracted and she'd been thinking about me a lot. She said she wants to wait.


Manipulative tactics, the more info she has on you the more she will use it against you. She's 'never felt more connected to a guy in her life' because you're the current guy, she said that to the last guy and she'll say it to the next one.

foofatron wrote:
She said she wants to wait


Ask yourself this, do you think she'll be waiting for you overseas? There are plenty of other men to keep her busy when she's away.

foofatron wrote:
I just don't want her to close off to me...


You're getting emotionally invested, check yourself real quick son.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2016 7:13 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:46 am
Posts: 118
Thanks guys.

Been sitting with my feelings. I keep putting girls I like and get into on a pedestal and feel that I need them. Last night I felt like I had a great emotional breakthrough, yet still keep thinking about her. I know that if she does not equally reciprocate then I ought to pull back and that I deserve somebody who does. I'm learning to uphold boundaries and still be myself in relationships... Not as quickly as I'd like though.

She's been kind of shitty to me and inside I know to move on until she comes back and acts right - if ever. Haven't spoken to her in the last few days so we'll see.


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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Sat Dec 10, 2016 9:53 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:11 am
Posts: 728
If you're still thinking about her and there's still emotions coming up, don't worry about it, that's not a problem. Of course there will be, and the less you resist that and just let that stuff come up and pass through the faster it will go through whatever it does.

That is completely separate from the decision to cut things off, or take a particular course of action.

If you felt you had to not think about cigarettes anymore, or not desire them, in order to make the decision to stop, you'd never get anywhere near stopping for even a day.

The stopping is a decision. The associations will then follow as they do, and inner work can facilitate that and/or speed it up drastically.

They are both valid. If you have clarity then don't wait until perfect conditions to make your decision because they do not exist.

Then deal with what comes up. Don't use inner states or work to avoid a decision that needs to be made or something that needs to be done. Conversely, to only decide to change behavior or "never do xyz again" but suppress the emotions and don't deal with it, will come back in a year saying "... all of a sudden I was in that situation again and didn't realize how because I thought I knew better.. but this seemed different."

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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2016 10:49 am 
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Joined: Fri May 27, 2011 8:04 am
Posts: 877
Location: USA
Hey foofatron, you got a lot of good feedback from others here. I'm sharing my thoughts to get the points across some more...

Flow83 wrote:
Keep inner work direct and simple.
+1

foofatron wrote:
One of the most touching moments for me that night is when she thanked me using my name before we parted. I want more interactions where me and others can be raw, vulnerable, and actually feel like we get to know each other...
I wanted a similar thing before, deeper connections with others. How do you think your interactions with others would differ if you had a deeper connection with yourself?

foofatron wrote:
I do want to become better with women and am trying to learn.
You'll learn a lot more than that here, if you stick around. :lol:

foofatron wrote:
I just don't want her to close off to me...
GAME OVER.

And, Alchemist is telling the truth...she's not special. Treat her accordingly.

Good work, I could see how you started to become more aware with your later posts.


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 Post subject: Re: Getting lost
PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2016 2:38 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1852
Flow83 wrote:
If you're still thinking about her and there's still emotions coming up, don't worry about it, that's not a problem. Of course there will be, and the less you resist that and just let that stuff come up and pass through the faster it will go through whatever it does.

That is completely separate from the decision to cut things off, or take a particular course of action.

If you felt you had to not think about cigarettes anymore, or not desire them, in order to make the decision to stop, you'd never get anywhere near stopping for even a day.

The stopping is a decision. The associations will then follow as they do, and inner work can facilitate that and/or speed it up drastically.

They are both valid. If you have clarity then don't wait until perfect conditions to make your decision because they do not exist.

Then deal with what comes up. Don't use inner states or work to avoid a decision that needs to be made or something that needs to be done. Conversely, to only decide to change behavior or "never do xyz again" but suppress the emotions and don't deal with it, will come back in a year saying "... all of a sudden I was in that situation again and didn't realize how because I thought I knew better.. but this seemed different."


Dude that hit the nail on the head, especially the last part.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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