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 Post subject: Advice ?
PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2016 7:19 pm 
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Hi. I often meet a girl I like at events I go to work-wise (and also as a leisure time, I have lot of friends on these), which happens approximately every 3 weeks. She lives far from where I live, it is doable to meet but requires time - Only weekends or days off
I'd say she likes me, general signs, also touches me a lot, also lately has been following when I lead. I'd say the attraction has grown over time.
She doesn't text me, rarely likes something on my facebook. She has my number (and I have hers), was required for some organisation purposes on one event

We (as a company) are sponsoring an organisation she's part of, so that may be a factor in her overall friendly behavior etc - But I am pretty sure she likes me also

The last event we met on she spent time with me and one of my friends, it was ok but I didn't know what to say mostly. The fact of having nothing to say is what bothers me the most - I think it may be the deal breaker because of my innability to connect (But I'd like to do so)
(Actually writing this and looking into the issue felt it seems like it went away. Or somehow changed. Funny thing how letting go happens sometimes only by looking a little bit).

She's hit a lot of switches of "I want that". No red flags pretty much so far

I would this to go forward, I'm open to any direction, I'd like something romantic obviously :D Any suggestions ?
Should I wait for another event we meet on ? How should I proceed ?
Meeting outisde of that is possible, but hardly doable giving the circumstances at this point


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2016 8:47 pm 
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....so, reread Pimposophy & Covert ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 2:05 pm 
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"Hey, you seem like a cool person to hang out with, wanna have a coffee sometime?"

Seems to me you're afraid of possibly finding out she doesn't like you. Or maybe you don't trust your observation skills.

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:58 pm 
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Aragorn wrote:
"Hey, you seem like a cool person to hang out with, wanna have a coffee sometime?"

Seems to me you're afraid of possibly finding out she doesn't like you. Or maybe you don't trust your observation skills.


Both

Aragorn wrote:
"Hey, you seem like a cool person to hang out with, wanna have a coffee sometime?"


May work, even though I cant imagine this in text due to the distance - You mean this for verbal communication right ?


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 10:18 pm 
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Quote:
May work, even though I cant imagine this in text due to the distance - You mean this for verbal communication right ?


Yeah that's what I meant...overall, I look for verbal communication just because you're able to see the person's reactions - their true, nonverbal reactions, and not the heavily edited texts they send thinking about how you'll interpret the reply.

But I mean if logistics don't allow it, why not. Don't be paralyzed by perfectionism.

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2016 8:18 pm 
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Aragorn wrote:
Yeah that's what I meant...overall, I look for verbal communication just because you're able to see the person's reactions - their true, nonverbal reactions, and not the heavily edited texts they send thinking about how you'll interpret the reply.

It also comes off differently..

Aragorn wrote:
But I mean if logistics don't allow it, why not.

That's what I was thinking, but I have a bad feel about doing it over text - It feels like I'm going to get rejected just because I did it over text and not in realtime. I will see what happens in some time.

Aragorn wrote:
Don't be paralyzed by perfectionism.

Nice projection there :mrgreen:


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 5:07 pm 
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fufe wrote:
Aragorn wrote:
Don't be paralyzed by perfectionism.
Nice projection there :mrgreen:
Nicely caught

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 6:23 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
fufe wrote:
Aragorn wrote:
Don't be paralyzed by perfectionism.
Nice projection there :mrgreen:
Nicely caught


I'll disagree here. Just a recent lesson I had to learn myself which seemed to resemble this situation.

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:22 pm 
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Coming back to this here, at the last event we met and I have mixed feelings. I was invited by the organisation she's part of and I spend most of the time with them.. I think I violated her space a lot.

The problem is not anything like that, the thing is that I can't feel sexual with her. It gets nervous and not wanting to have anything. But consciously I know I want sex. Or maybe I don't ?
The reason why am I resisting here is the problem causing this all.. This may me more reasons, but this is the problem, not her wanting me. And I am pretty sure that if I didn't have those resistances (that I am trying to get something by having them), it would go well. Accordingly.

The only problem is my confusion and only my own beliefs that cause the stuckness... I recently released a powerful belief of "They don't need me now, I can leave", that released a lot of things that felt like being tight up, but it didn't seem connected with this intimacy issue.

I don't see any other way of going to apart from looking into the problems, resistances and figuring them out. It works, but it takes time, focus and sometimes creativity. If anybody has any other idea, apart from meditating (I really fucking can't do that) I'll be glad to look.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:18 pm 
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Quote:
"If we are not content without it,
we will not be content with it."

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:54 pm 
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Jared wrote:
"If we are not content without it,
we will not be content with it."


Yes. And the way to contentment is to release the unnecesarry emotions that are being triggered.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 9:02 pm 
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fufe wrote:
Jared wrote:
"If we are not content without it,
we will not be content with it."


Yes. And the way to contentment is to release the unnecesarry emotions that are being triggered.


We do not really have to handle the emotions, just the ENERGY of the emotions.
>Let go of resisting, choose to be with it.

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 9:21 pm 
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Jared wrote:

We do not really have to handle the emotions, just the ENERGY of the emotions.
>Let go of resisting, choose to be with it.


Yes.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 4:23 pm 
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In the book "The Hobbit" Bilbo Baggins goes on the adventure of a lifetime and even though he left behind a vast fortune, taking only a small share, the share he took home made him the richest in his country. He didn't want an adventure, it just came to him almost on its own but he did have a choice in the matter. The party was waiting for him at an inn down the road and he woke late, the choice was sprint out of his home down the road to make it just in time with only the clothes on his back for a year long journey or to make excuses about not having packed, not having his cloak, walking sticks or handkerchiefs. The lesson is that you don't need anything to get started other than to stop thinking and go and for me as much as anyone.

In your particular situation I would wait to the next time I saw her and jumped off the cliff of doing whatever my gut was telling me.

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 8:33 pm 
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If I recognised gut feelings 100% of the time I would have succesfull life like you can't even imagine.
I can't do that. But I get what you mean.

The problem is that I am turned off by imagining sex with her - that's the problem.. Not really turned off but blocked, I'd rather go away than to do anything sexual, that's the thing
So I have to let that go.

On other side, I realised something, that occured to me multiple times and I always forgot about it and concentrated on other girls
There's been a one that I seem to be attracted quite a lot, I can imagine getting together with her etc without feeling pressured, which is almost always impossible with other girls.
I saw personally a few times, but at first sight I didn't really notice anything. On second chance I saw that I'm attracted, then forgot.
I was reminded by a facebook post then again. I met her again on an event, I felt that I should approach her, that it would be ok. I didn't. I was alone, she was with 3 other girls and I was intimidated.. But I saw her looking at me. I felt it. I felt everything but I didn't act. It was interesting because we left the venue, and I saw her coming in with friends, disappointed I left with my friend. We had to pay the parking fee but we didn't have the right cash for the mashine, so I had to go back inside the venue to get change.. Then I saw her and felt I should approach her. but I didn't. When I left the venue I felt that I fucked up and felt it was unreversible at that time.. That was the biggest disappoint I had in myself for some time

I remember it well, her look. God I regret that

She's in another country now, for some time. I don't know if such mistake is reversible, but I think it is - I had an experience when I fucked up royaly with a girl and after some time (About a year) just saying "Hi" when I met her and sometimes some small talk and she started liking me a lot, we went out too.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:07 pm 
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I know exactly what you mean when you feel like you should do something but a different part of you is holding you back. It is something I am working on as well. My goal is to be in the mindset of facing, moving towards, discomfort instead of running away from it, to go through not around.

And so the thing about jumping off a cliff is walking to the edge and jumping is what is hard (to our minds), the falling part is actually quite easy, you just enjoy the ride.

It is a shame that understanding can't replace experience. Although maybe it isn't, maybe things not being so easy makes us stronger.

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“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” — Marcus Aurelius


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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:16 pm 
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caster wrote:
I know exactly what you mean when you feel like you should do something but a different part of you is holding you back.


Two opposing desires are nothing but two false desires

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:06 am 
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Jared wrote:
Two opposing desires are nothing but two false desires


So if I think I want the quarter pounder or the buttermilk chicken, does that mean my true desire is the mcfish?

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:12 am 
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caster wrote:
Jared wrote:
Two opposing desires are nothing but two false desires


So if I think I want the quarter pounder or the buttermilk chicken, does that mean my true desire is the mcfish?


No

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 Post subject: Re: Advice ?
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 11:59 am 
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Quote:
I was intimidated


That's what I would explore.

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