Playing with space, among other things...
A little experiment to see how things go.
In a moment of weakness, I failed to let my ex go. Even though I sent the text I sent was I mistake I did respond to her more after she said we could talk. Asking her to meet up and about sex. Of course, she refused to say how I needed time to heal and later how she's not comfortable with it while dating someone else. I tried being cocky and funny over text and that was a shitshow, she called me out on it because again I wasn't finishing how I started. I backpedaled explaining myself, apologizing, and filling space. Bening needy again I asked if she was still attracted to me and she said she was just not as intensely as before.
We met to chill and she was still distant. When we cuddled she leaned away from me. Talked about the relationship what mistakes and what both of us could do better. I was still needy asking bout the other person. She let me sexually gratify myself with a fetish of mine but no further than that.
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The next two days of no contact was excruciating.
Doing pushups I resolved myself to never contact her again. The pain of letting go sucked, my chest felt like it was killing me. I thought of my reputation, what her family would think. The other guy having sex with her. I read the forums to ease my mind. Around the third day I started to make peace with it, thinking about getting a better girl I could connect with and focusing on improving my life. Being dissatisfied with my situation is apart of the reason I was so attached to her. I was using her to run away from my problems.
She texts...
G "Hey! hope your day is going well!"
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her back on the team. Not as a relationship but I still want her as sexual partner.
After some time...
F: Hey, you too! Would like to see you. Wanna chill?
G: Sur, we can still at work rn. Probably gonna be home around 10
G: Hopefully sooner, I'll lyk
Thought about responding. Nah.
G: Hey, I'm heading home now. When you come over I'm gonna need a back or foot massage cause I'm fucking dying lol.
F: lol. Be otw in a few.
hmmm.
i spent to long looking for my keys and she canceled because she was really tired and works double shifts all week. i was frustrated I could find my fucking keys  and called her and told her to go to bed. She asked if I was sure and I said I wanted to see her (sigh, filling space again.) But she said we could hang out either the weekend or next week or something.
Still focusing on letting go but I would like to have her as a sexual parter. I feel better about not really contacting her unless she reaches out. Wonder how I'm gonna play this if we do meet up though.
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