Natural Freedom

Forum for the natural awakening and self-realization of men
It is currently Mon Nov 30, 2020 11:37 pm

All times are UTC+01:00




Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 45 posts ]  Go to page « 1 2 3 »
Author Message
PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:44 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3190
Location: UK
OK, for a moment forget her

I know this will be hard, but do it, bear with me

This job you have:

Do you enjoy it and want it to continue?

Is it helping you on your career path?

How easy would it be for you to find another job with equal if not greater remuneration?

How much of a problem would it be if you were dismissed tomorrow?

How much of a problem would it be if she was a problem at work?

How would your co-workers look on this?

How would management look on this?

How do you look on this?


..

Do not shit where you eat

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:49 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2012 11:22 pm
Posts: 214
Haha, understood. I'll answer this later in greater detail if I'm required to post it, but I'll drop it.

_________________
"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."


Top
   
PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:23 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 1050
Location: The Real World
peregrinus wrote: *
OK, for a moment forget her

I know this will be hard, but do it, bear with me

This job you have:

Do you enjoy it and want it to continue?

Is it helping you on your career path?

How easy would it be for you to find another job with equal if not greater remuneration?

How much of a problem would it be if you were dismissed tomorrow?


How much of a problem would it be if she was a problem at work?

How would your co-workers look on this?

How would management look on this?

How do you look on this?


..

Do not shit where you eat
^^^
Basically THIS Grinus said it all. All I have to add is that your read is decent but you are filling up space waay too much but she seems with it (except that part where you 2 was supposed to chill together you fucked that up so many ways it wasn’t even funny :|) . But at the end of the day if you can figure a way to just be platonic friends and focus on establishing a foundation for yourself that is a man of value, more of those occurrences will happen regardless I guarantee it.

Plus I’m not sure of your location but if your area supports Feminism heavy she could easily destroy your life if she feels that you fucked her over in anyway. Just look at the Hollywood situation with Weinstein, Usher, Bill Cosby etc.

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


Top
   
PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 12:46 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3190
Location: UK
Flux wrote: *
Haha, understood. I'll answer this later in greater detail if I'm required to post it, but I'll drop it.
Please do post, not for yourself

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:20 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2012 11:22 pm
Posts: 214
Resonance wrote: *
you are filling up space waay too much but she seems with it (except that part where you 2 was supposed to chill together you fucked that up so many ways it wasn’t even funny :|)

Can you tell me what you see, in greater detail? I feel like I need to become a robot.

peregrinus wrote: *
Please do post, not for yourself

Maybe.

_________________
"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 6:15 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 1050
Location: The Real World
You don’t need to be a robot you just need to relax and take a few deep breaths, don’t be attached to the outcome enjoy the process change your mindset about the whole journey you are currently on.
.
Flux wrote:
After I pocked the dollar, I asked her why give it and she said she didn't know

Space filling Sin #1 Just enjoy that she is qualifying herself to you that she’s letting you know she is a viable mate.
Don’t ask unnecessary questions she most likely won’t understand it herself anyway just as she stated above.

Flux wrote:
I forget who initiates our conversations the most, think it's pretty balanced but I feel like I say "Hi" more. That doesn't mean I try to talk to her all the time though. Our interactions are give and take, neither side willing to concede to the other. 
As long as it happens naturally its fine but she needs to be more worried about you than you are about her. You need to focus on establishing yourself and prioritizing your life, things like this will eventually become the norm.
Tha Kidd!! wrote:
"if you build it they will come"


Space filling sin #2 You saying more than she is
She should be doing the most initiating but this isn’t black and white though, but it is looking more and more like a struggle for control.

Flux wrote:
Later after that convo I ask if she wants to hangout the next day and she says sure. We write down and exchange numbers. I tell her to call me. She asks why I smirk and tell her "to see if you're serious." She huffs seemingly in a mix of exasperation and amusement. I falter a bit here and fill space asking her later if she really would do it but she says yes. 

Next day, wanting to see her I let impatience get the best of me again and text her my info first. She calls an hour later. I text her back asking if that was indeed her, but I get no response. 

When I see her again, she mentions that she had actually lost my number and wasn't sure who was contacting her. I tell her that she had called my phone but she said she didn't yet. So I attributed that phone call to a mistake; she had mentioned that she sleeps with her phone close by, so it could have been an accident
In the first paragraph space filling sin #2 You didn’t commit to nor did you believe in your decision you should ask yourself why, you actually set a really good tone on this end. But you bombed because you were attached to the outcome, success and failure are impostors that should be treated the same its either a blessing or a lesson.
Flux wrote:
 I was pissed she didn't follow through but whatever, things are normal and we still interact. We still touch each other. The last day I saw her that week, as she was walking away from me she tickled a male co-worker's hips with both hands from behind. My co-worker turned around and said something akin to: "That's a little dirty." To which she responded. "I treat everyone like that."

That was interesting. I wondered if she was thinking of my attention at that time.
Sin #3 Getting emotionally invested when you 2 aren’t even dating
You’re attached to the outcome heavy with this girl you should really reflect why you need things to go your way with her.

The fact she went out of her way to do this to someone else was definitely to get a rise out of you it was her shit test number 2 kudos to you on ignoring that shit.

I would let this die honestly for the sake of your job but should she invite you out I would be petty and have her make up for the transgression for failing to follow through on the plan last time you 2 were supposed to chill by having her pay for the date, if you were that upset about the situation but she definitely needs to experience a consequence or she will walk all over you.

Overall I would leave this broad alone if co-workers saw you 2 acting like that in a professional setting either or both of you could get terminated you also really need to think about haters on both dudes and ladies, not everyone there will approve of this relationship and not everyone want to see you succeed. Also you really have to think about Feminism if its heavy in your location you will be going to jail and you will listed as a sexual predator on the internet for the world to see basically should she decide you fucked her over for whatever reason, just look at the Hollywood situation.

If I was you i would slowly ease the tension and just become platonic friends with her, your livelihood should be a priority over vagina but thats your choice. I had typed this differently but each time this session timed out so I will leave it as is and I hoped I answered your questions

Right now I dub thee:
[ img ]

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 1:34 pm 
peregrinus wrote: *


Do not shit where you eat

why not? the only reason i see is when you are afraid of loosing something / afraid of somebody..

i could tell you workplace relationship stories, a brothel would look like a monastery in comparison :-)


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 12:45 am 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3190
Location: UK
Midas wrote: *
i could tell you workplace relationship stories, a brothel would look like a monastery in comparison :-)
Likewise as well.

I could also tell tales of watching it go nuclear on someones ass.

If you are certain in your actions and your motivations, go for it.

For those that have a sliver of doubt in their bones, do not do it.

I stay away from them, it is not fear that keeps me away, it is keeping things clean. I can have enough of that fun and drama away from my worklife if I so desire.. Work is not the place to do that, it is a place to exchange your time/skills for some form of remuneration.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 2:25 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 1050
Location: The Real World
☝🏾This part!

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 3:25 pm 
peregrinus wrote:
.. it is not fear that keeps me away, it is keeping things clean.
hmm


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 3:37 pm 
Flux wrote:
She wants to fuck.
what is it you have to loose? ;)


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2018 1:09 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 1050
Location: The Real World
Midas wrote: *
Flux wrote:
She wants to fuck.
what is it you have to loose? ;)
His job, current standing in society, reputation, if he values those things

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2018 10:33 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2012 11:22 pm
Posts: 214
I'm cheating with this a little bit since circumstances have changed. But I figured I'd answer this instead of running away. For others, I guess.

peregrinus wrote: *
OK, for a moment forget her

I know this will be hard, but do it, bear with me

This job you have:

Do you enjoy it and want it to continue?

Yes.


Is it helping you on your career path?

Indirectly, yes


How easy would it be for you to find another job with equal if not greater remuneration?

I'm starting another job, but it would be pretty easy.

How much of a problem would it be if you were dismissed tomorrow?

Right now I need all the cash I can get so it would be an issue. I'm still keeping this one.

How much of a problem would it be if she was a problem at work?

Internally for me, probably cause a lot of emotional pain. Externally, we wouldn't talk to each other.

How would your co-workers look on this?



Probably indifferent, mostly amused. Most would probably be annoyed had to work together with me and the girl in a group because they would subconsciously feel the bullshit tension.



How would management look on this?

Would probably not be pleased, but they wouldn't take action unless it was hampering performance.


How do you look on this?

Not worth the effort. However, if she chased harder or offered freely I probably would take it. :lol:

..

Do not shit where you eat

Yes.


_________________
"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2018 1:03 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3190
Location: UK
Thank you Flux

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2018 8:10 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 03, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 1050
Location: The Real World
Good Flux you’re understanding

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 1:53 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2012 11:22 pm
Posts: 214
*Rereading Be Honest from Covert Tactics after all this shit*

[ img ]

So... I had finally had sex, with the girl mentioned Here Wasn't my first time as I like others I got impatient, but it was the first time it happened naturally.

We went on a couple of dates together (about 6-7) and often I would pay. I wasn't sure how I felt about that but I wasn't that invested though the times hanging out were fun. I didn't text her that much only when we were going to do something together. Eventually we had a much dreaded talk about the relationship, which caused fear within me, I think more because I didn't want to hurt her than lose her. Though I have reasons for that the latter as well (First time dating, social pressures of people getting on my case about not having a girlfriend. Etc...)

she thought I wasn't interested in her because I wasn't being super physical and we didn't communicate- I went for a kiss on the first date, but after I was rejected I chilled out a bit. :lol: I wasn't sure what I wanted, what she wanted, and how fast to move.

We talked about a couple of intimate details while shifting to heavy petting but she stopped as she "didn't want to fuck in her best friend's bed."

Anyway, it does happen the next day... on her friend's couch instead... and I learned she's inexperienced. Smh. I wasn't even ready for it but it happened, she even came prepared with condoms :lol:

Right.

I'm not really sure how I feel about it, some work buddies I confided in got me all fucked up: saying I'm pretty much screwed and that I should end it sooner than later. I like her, it's fun to hangout with an intimate partner than be alone all the time, but she isn't attractive enough for me to want monogamous relationship with her now. i.e. I want to fuck other women. I dunno, before we had sex when she asked where we saw our relationship, I said in the end as really good friends and when she said she's looking for something long term, I think i said "We'll see" but i'm not sure.

I don't want to cut her off yet but I don't want to hurt her either. Fuck. I wonder if I should try to define it now.

_________________
"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:40 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:11 am
Posts: 823
Flux wrote: *
I didn't want to hurt her than lose her.

I like her, it's fun to hangout with an intimate partner than be alone all the time, but she isn't attractive enough for me to want monogamous relationship with her now. i.e. I want to fuck other women. I dunno, before we had sex when she asked where we saw our relationship, I said in the end as really good friends and when she said she's looking for something long term, I think i said "We'll see" but i'm not sure.

I don't want to cut her off yet but I don't want to hurt her either.
Just gonna call it like I see it.

You say she was clear and direct out front, knows what she wants (monogmous / long term) and brought it up to you before getting physical.

You were vague "we'll see," went ahead with it, did boyfriend-y things like go out on 7 dates and pay for them.

If you know what you want, don't do and say things that are incongruent with it. Hurting? Odds are good she is not a delicate snowflake who needs to be protected from the devastation of you not wanting a serious relationship right now. She'll find someone who does, or if she likes you, may very well have continued anyway knowing exactly where you were at and what you were looking for. People can be surprisingly flexible. What they don't like is being misled and jerked around for their own 'protection' or any other reason. If the big concern is 'hurting' and feelings, operating with people under false pretenses is probably much worse than anything said or done directly.

The hurting thing is usually just an excuse for not wanting to confront the issue because of our own discomfort about it.

_________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 11:09 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3190
Location: UK
What Flow83 said... bolded and highlighted every single word of it

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Sat Feb 16, 2019 7:58 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 27, 2011 8:04 am
Posts: 1016
Location: Global
Flow83 wrote:
The hurting thing is usually just an excuse for not wanting to confront the issue because of our own discomfort about it.
+1

This was my thought reading through your post Flux, and also having experienced it. There's a deeper issue there.


Top
   
PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2020 2:51 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2012 11:22 pm
Posts: 214
Whew, acted hella bitch made :lol: it hurts.

Well, the relationship with the girl pretty much ended. I fucked up. She dumped me after various tumultuous periods in our relationship, after I pretty much agreed to a fwb situation (basically following her contract again) after bringing up I wanted to have a non-monogamous relationship for like the third time. She pretty much checked out soon after that but I wasn't paying attention. Eventually she met someone and is starting now to see where it goes. I pretty much found myself where she was at the start of the relationship, in a I care more mode where I wanted her back but she wasn't having it. She was distant, not responding to messages no longer caring or interested with her new option.

Here's some of our last few messages:
F: Hey still kinda hurt form yesterday. I still would like to call you my girlfriend at least in cetian circumstances..
F: I don't understand why we cant be in a long term relationship until you found someone.
G: That's absolutely understandable, but I honestly think putting a label on something will only make it harder to let go. I remember what you said about growing distant over time. I can promise you I wil never intentionally let someone walk away from me unless they have only ever cause me pain. so as long as you continue to keep in touch we'll still be talking on our deathbeds.
G: Whether you choose to believe this or not, I truly gave our relationship every chance I could get my hand on before I bean to mentally pack my bags. I tried oh so very hard to keep us going and to be positive, hoping it would start to get better and feel...but it only hurt more realizing we are forcing a cube piece into a sphere slot. I dont want to lose you either but I need to have some peace by ending us on this complicated level so we can grow better and together as close friends.
...
F: This hurts in a way I can't describe...
G: ...I know and I absolutely hat that I'm causing such pain to you...but I've been in pain for a while too... and while I honestly have enjoyed all of our time together, Intimate or not, I don't think we were meant to be what we tried to force ourselves into. I can't fucking stress enough that I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to (be) here for you regardless of the paths we each take. I don't know anyone like I know you.. I'm going t keep reading every word you write, I'm going to hug til my arms are numb when you need it, I'm still here for you. Though I know it wont feel exactly the same, I'm still here for you...
G: If you need time to process or just think I understand completely. Let me know when you need anything.
F:It's fine. I think I think I should have just loved you and kept my mouth shut. I'm here for you even emotionally if you feel like opening back up. Maybe one day we'll be closer again. What's your schedule like tomorrow and thurs?
G: You did and if you if you "kept your mouth shut" I doubt I would understand you and appreciate you on the level that I do. I'm not exactly sure, I have to go see my ----- and do some running around. If I get done early in the day I;ll let you know first thing, okay?

She didn't let me know. She was too preoccupied with errands and going back to the place where she had her first date with someone else, to re plan the route or something, she said. Her phone WAS on silent so she didn't get calls from anyone but still I was in pure chaser mode trying to grasp on to something slipping through my fingers. I pretty waited for her at her place like a stalker, not being able to sit with myself in the axietly. We talked about the date, how she enjoyed it how they vibed better and I was pretty much acting insecure the whole time we spend in bed, hurt by the lack of attention, how see didn't seem to care in more just texting the new guy on her phone or just websurfing. I missed how affectionate she he was, the love she didn't feel like giving anymore, she used to be up under me all the time. We joked and laughed about the relationship and fucked she suggesting it would probably be the last time as if she works out with the other guy she can't have sex with me. Still touch but no sex. I asked her something about the sex we had and I think she mentioned though she cums all the time it doesn't feel like it did beginning of the relationship for a while and I was like that's due to your mindset now. She was like yeah pretty much.

She refused to restart the relationship as she really likes the new guy and being distant over the past month to few weeks, had time to think about the negatives in our relationship and circular arguments of what we both wanted but didn't want to give the other. We couldn't compromise, it dragged out. We hung out the next day but again she was distant,being needy instead of chilling, I asked all types of questions of why? our relationship, and the new person. She was okay with it to give me closure, she really felt nothing. She said sadness but it seem like she was resigned. I told her I lost her and she looked at me like I was dumb. "I just fed you," she said. She would not be readily available like before, she wouldn't chase me like before, but she would support me emotionally. She was adamant that I still had a place in her life just not what I wanted. I asked if she still loved me, she said she had love for me but it wasn't the same. If asked if we could get back to that point, but said it would never go up to were it was. We talked about mistakes, I mentioned what I could do better and she said I can do it for the next girl. She pretty much told me to be honest at the start, and that pretty much wraps it up full circle.

I didn't finish how I started. I accepted her contract at the beginning without really putting my foot down and when I did her dirty and stepped out/presue other girls she felt like I basically betrayed her basically not following the contract I accepted. I suggested threesomes, for her to fuck other people anything to keep myself from feeling trapped but she was excruciatingly hurt by that. She still stayed. We had talks about breaking up a couple of times, I didn't want to do it out of fear and attachment but I had planted that seed in her head as she felt she wasn't enough, that she was com petting in the relationship. Agreeing to the fwb scenario pretty much absolved her of guilt to find something different. She had already cried her heart out, those times. She had no more tears to give. She mentioned her only regret was not ending it sooner when I revealed to her some of my insecurities (another mistake) about not having a lot of partners. She told me I didn't know what I want, that I was looking at the past instead of forward trying to fix it and I should let it go. She said now I was doing the same thing with her and our relationship... frustrating. I was still hoping there was something there. I asked if we could get back together if things didn't work out she said she didn't know. I wasn't the lover I presented myself to be, what we agreed on by implication. On top of that I spent to much time up under her and though she complained about not revealing my truth self, always holding in my feelings and thoughts on things but still I think the reason she had an issue with it was because my internal frustration about the situation was on full display. She complained about me always being to busy for her and not sharing while we were together but if my internals were correct, I doubt that would have been a problem. I would have probably talked more too, as she said I cared to much about what people think. She mentioned that the other guy would keep the conversation going even if he said something stupid not caring about judgement, he would give her attention and not wait hours between texts. But again I don't think the attention was the problem if my mind was right. However, she did say she was tired of feeling anxious all the time.

I hate it. I may still be able to have sex with her for the time being but that's not what want, I want her mind back. She suggested not hanging out for a month or two, saying I would have build resentment toward her and relationships in general. I was like WOW. I don't feel like dating or fucking at all right now, I feel like I could be satisfied just jerking off forever. :lol: She said we can still text but probably best to not contact her. She mentioned in conversation she would reach out if she didn't hear from me.. but we'll see.

_________________
"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 45 posts ]  Go to page « 1 2 3 »

All times are UTC+01:00


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to: 

cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited