Natural Freedom

I feel so angry and ashamed.

Her texts:

You still mad?

How was the show?

Just wanted to let you know that am hooking up tonight

Sorry


We were fighting friday and I don't know what the real underlying issue was and that bothers me. I want to figure out 'why' she did what she did, because I want to feel better about this. I feel like my value has taken a huge hit. I gave her far more than she deserved, and she even said I was the best thing in her life. Yet she wants to throw it all away. Worst part to me is she doesn't even break-up properly, she just says hey I'm going to hook-up and I don't care about you; like I don't actually matter.

A rank 7 girl cannot fill a rank 4 role,
especially if you don't communicate to her what
your expectations for that role are.

I'd fall back to 7

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You are the company that you keep.

Smart people learn from their mistakes. Smarter people learn from others' mistakes. Stupid people don't learn from anyone's mistakes including their own.

You get what you deserve.

Thaaaat's the issue. Look into that, and not so that you can exhude a vibe of "I don't give a shit whatever happens", but for your own inner peace, seeing as that's the most important thing for you.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

I did communicate we were exclusive, and she never wanted me to see other girls.

I was angry and ashamed because I felt like my value was diminished due to being esteemed so low by her. I'm always basing my value based on what other people think.

This is not the end of this, you have 2 or probably more things to discover. When you know the deepest level of the problem clearly, it gets solved
So dig deeper, you are only seeing the surface here, the usual thoughts that people have..

And that's all good man! It was a very important value system back when you were little. But is it useful now? Is the girl having a low opinion of you going to be a matter of life and death? Or better yet, what is it a matter of?

Maybe life and death of your identity. But since that's based on other people's opinion of you, kinda makes you a walking mirror, no?

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Spot on. Thanks guys.


I remember now how she told me she cheated on her ex of 3 years because she was angry with him. I'm not sure why she told me that then. For some reason I thought she would stick to me :/.

Nice post/link Peregrinus

I'd like to point out something-something in the Laws of Karma.
(Karma doing the heavy liftin' )

The Law of Harmony supersedes the Law of Karma:
The purpose of Karma is to obtain harmony

"Wisdom mitigates Karma."

"Harmony is the supreme potential of balance."

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I've read this a few times when I needed it.

If her life doesn't suck without you you have bigger things to worry about.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

I am not sure I understanding your original post... Are you absolutely 100% sure she really cheated on you? The way I read it she may just be trying to make you jealous. If so I would probably just ignore her...

In the end it's all the same.

After she tried to take it all back and say she was just angry and made it up.

My gut tells me she was looking at other options and her behavior has changed, which further made me feel she was talking to or seeing somebody. Also, she recently got tinder and refused to stop using it even after I told her I was not ok with it. After this incidence, she says she just likes to pass time by talking to random guys. She told me about this one guy that wanted to meet up with her. She said she would never meet anybody without asking me first. I could tell she was hiding something or lying about something. If she was willing to tell me that much, then whatever she was lying about or hiding was something I am not willing to accept.



She said on multiple occasions I only listen when she is angry. I'd always gave in to her anger as I was scared of it. It made me so uncomfertable.

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The tinder crap was the last two days of our relationship, not something that had been going on, at least to my knowledge. She told me after she sent the texts I posted. I told her I was not ok with it, but she refused to stop. Obvious intentions.

Maybe I get it wrong but this sentence stood out to me. Why do you want to control her behaviour so much?

It's how she used it.

She would text me a lot, always initiating. Since she got tinder she wouldn't text me much, and told me she was spending a lot of time on it. Along with mate guarding, it was that she was using it to find other options or cheat and was dishonest about it. I also did want to control her in hope she would stay with me.

In either case, she decided to talk to random guys over me and that tells me she is gone. I took issue with it and she wasn't honest about her intentions and insisted that she was just angry, loves me, and wanted to stay with me. I told her not to and she insisted I had no right to tell her not to and wouldn't stop. She told me she cheated on her ex simply because she was angry with him, why should I trust her now that I know she is actively talking to other guys. I do believe she cheated on me anyway.

Also, she didn't show much interest in working things out and gave me every indication she was just waiting for something better in her mind when we last spoke. Her vibe changed completely after she sent that text, whether she cheated or not.

I would have just waited until you were out and about with her. Then if you see her flirting with another guy be her wingman lol. I'd be like wow you guys would make such a great couple.

If a girl isn't gonna take you seriously use them for the entertainment value. Or tell them to take a hike. Stop giving spoiled hoes the power to control how you feel.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Exactly. I'm not saying what she did/didn't do was right or wrong, but you have to look within when you see that her potentially hooking up with somebody else makes you angry (i.e. insecure).

Set the rules, and if she doesn't follow them, her loss.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

I want to be in control of the relationship and be the #1 man. If I see my girl with other guys I get insecure. I want an exclusive relationship, and make that clear, yet worry she will not follow it or leave. Inside I feel like I need to make her follow the rules, because I'm afraid she'll violate them, even though that doesn't work or make sense. We shared a lot of mutual friends and we hit it off really well in the beginning and I felt that everybody expected us to be a thing and last. One of my friends that I respect a lot said I found a keeper. I knew he was wrong, but really wanted to make it work for social sake too.

I'll continue to sit with this aspect of 'control' and my feelings about others perceptions.