Quit this. There is no buried hidden unresolved loss that you are unaware of that is secretly fucking with you. This is just you trying to take the easy way out, to justify your actions without taking responsibility for them. Take responsibility.
Furthermore, how could something that you are unaware of still affect you - thats non-sensical. Either you are aware of it and it affects you, or it doesn't exist. There are no hidden thoughts running around in your head that you don't know about - thoughts are either there or not. Stop trying to take the easy way out by blaming your problems on something thats not there.
I've been saying all along that I have taken on looking into the cause of all this. I was already dealing with some uncomfortable, regrets from the past ... just stuff that was coming up, memories that popped into my head. All this before the situation with the girl arised. I also pointed out that SHE is also from the past. I had a thing for her then, which I never really got 100% out of my head. But it was just a regret, one of those "oh, well, would've been nice" kind of things. I eventually did get my chance to be with her, but had started seeing a different woman and didn't want to go behind her back. Honestly, I didn't think the other woman would be around as long as she was... it was a mistake and I regretted it. That's the background with the chick now ... a past regret, lost opportunity that suddenly reappeared in my life at a time when OTHER past regrets were already plaguing me.
The notion that events from early childhood, or anytime during one's life, cannot affect them present time is something I don't buy. I don't necessarily think you need to know what they are, but I have no doubt they can affect you.
This is just you trying to take the easy way out, to justify your actions without taking responsibility for them. Take responsibility.
Stop trying to take the easy way out by blaming your problems on something thats not there.
How is this the easy way out? What's easy about it? The thoughts ARE there, as are the associated emotions.
This is the best thing you've posted. Go there. Go to the FEELING. HOW DOES IT FEEL. Don't run away from the feelings - run directly towards them, into them. Feel them fully.
I get it ... the only way out it through, don't resist. Welcome the feelings, feel them. I'm there. It does work so long as I don't indulge ... that's something a lot of people actually don't get, but I do. It works ... then another wave of stuff shows up, so its on-going for as long as it will be.
I stated way back that this is ego related (obviously). It almost feels like some kind of death.
Oh, and also, read what Flow said. He's a boss and I endorse fully what he said above. And Dali and Rolan did a good job too.
I've read through all the posts, from everyone, thoroughly. There are some conflicting ideas on the surface, but the general consensus is to move on. Stop analysing her actions/words and just move on. Deal with the internal stuff in the meantime.