| Natural Freedom http://naturalfreedom.info/ |
|
| Non-attachment and meeting new women http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=2668 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | Meraki [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 12:16 am ] |
| Post subject: | Non-attachment and meeting new women |
Ok, here's the problem I've been having - I don't know any girls who I'm attracted to/interested in, and I struggle with wanting to try and go out searching for girls that I'm attracted to vs. feeling like that desire is coming out of neediness/attachement to an outcome. I've definitely worked quite a lot on becoming my own best friend and feeling content in myself/not needing validation from other people. I have a pretty great life, and I enjoy how I spend my time, but I've started struggling with the idea of being content alone vs. holding myself back from finding one or more girls to spend time with. I've got front and clout pretty well handled (of course I still want to improve, but there's nothing about my front/clout that's holding me back right now). I always have a number of women interested in me. Right now there are probably 3 or 4 who have made it very obvious (1 who is chasing very hard), and I'm getting subconscious signals from many other women in my social circle (which is large and very active, but rather static), but none of them meet my standards for physical attractiveness and being generally high quality/non-needy/fun to be around. I haven't dated/hooked up with anyone in the 6 months since I got back from traveling abroad, even though opportunities present themselves quite often. So far this hasn't bothered me, and I don't feel much pressure to lower my standards due to loneliness/neediness. However, I would like to date one or more girls, or have a girlfriend. Given the situation - I keep coming back to the conclusion that I need to get out and meet people outside of my social circle. But here's where the problem comes in - I don't really enjoy going out to bars/social events by myself. In my work-life I don't meet very many new people, and I don't get out to coffee shops/malls very much. When I do go to bars/clubs/events, I'm usually there with a big group of friends, and I find it difficult to meet new people when I'm there with a big group. I could force myself to go out to bars/events by myself, but I have tried it a number of times and I've never enjoyed it, so if I forced myself to do it, I feel like it would be motivated by a powerful outcome dependence/attachement, which I've been working for years to get less of, not more of. I'm having trouble reconciling the feeling that I want to date, but not knowing how to find someone to date without forcing myself to do things that I would only do in order to meet women. Does anyone have any advice they can give me? Should I just wait for a women who meets my standards to come along? Should I change up my routines and actively seek to meet new people in order to increase my prospects of finding a woman who meets my standards? Dose the fact that this question bothers me mean that I still need to work further on becoming my own best friend? |
|
| Author: | The Kidd!! [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 12:33 am ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Non-attachment and meeting new women | |
Dose the fact that this question bothers me mean that I still need to work further on becoming my own best friend?
This  Still too damn needy...this mindset is new to you...baby steps, buddy. Focus on the basics of the mindset for now...build a solid foundation. Time to learn some patience. 
|
||
| Author: | Meraki [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 12:59 am ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Non-attachment and meeting new women | |
Still too damn needy...this mindset is new to you...baby steps, buddy. Focus on the basics of the mindset for now...build a solid foundation. Time to learn some patience.
I guess I knew this would be the response... This mindset definitely is new to me. I'm not having too much trouble accepting the social matrix part of it. As soon as I read about it, I was able to see evidence of it all around. But when I try to start moving past just seeing that the matrix exists is when I start getting into trouble... I'll go back and read the threads on becoming your own best friend again, but here's a followup question - should I actively not date anyone specifically to force myself to deal with my neediness? Kinda like Grinus choosing to become celibate for a period? Like I said - there's always several girls I could hook up with at any point in time, but I usually find them either straight up unattractive, or at best only mildly attractive (or if they are attractive then they're crazy in some way). I'm pretty sure that one girl is going to jump me in the next couple weeks - the space I've been giving her is driving her crazy. What do you think? |
||
| Author: | The Kidd!! [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 1:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Non-attachment and meeting new women |
Kinda hard to get to know yourself if you're too busy trying to get to know women. 
|
|
| Author: | Meraki [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 8:14 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Non-attachment and meeting new women |
Ok - I've been thinking more about this. I felt like I knew what you were going to say Kidd - but didn't want to hear it. My immediate reaction to your response was "damn - I've been trying to be patient for 6 months already! How long is this going to last?" But then thinking more about it - I guess thats the thing exactly, isn't it. The number of months is immaterial. What if I never sleep with another girl again? If I really truly am indifferent and content in my own life then the possibility of that scenario shouldn't really bother me. So, I'm thinking I'm going to resolve to not sleep with anyone until I feel like I really am indifferent and that I am my own best friend. I don't know just yet exactly what that will look like, but I guess I'll just have to trust my gut to recognize it when it comes... And if its another 6 months, 12 months, or 12 years from now - I guess I'll just have to work on becoming ok with that... |
|
| Author: | Altair [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Non-attachment and meeting new women |
Going out alone is a really good way to observe your mind. Instead of replaying how your thoughts filled the space and the way your mind is working after the fact you see it real time. Kinda like your a mechanic and your running the car to see how it's working. |
|
| Author: | Meraki [ Mon Oct 22, 2012 6:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Non-attachment and meeting new women |
Hmm... interesting. I can see how in the past I've been going out alone and been attached to the outcome. I would be highly uncomfortable in a bar by myself because I couldn't see how going out by myself was going to lead to what I wanted - I didn't see the path from where I was to the outcome I was focused on. But your comment morpheus made me think twice about that. I think I've been too attached to some outcome from going out alone (ie. getting a phone number, pulling a girl, etc) and so the fact that I couldn't see the path bothered me a lot. I guess I'll try going out alone again but specifically trying not to think about any outcome - just going out alone to go out alone, not worrying about how meeting someone would work simply because I'm not worried about meeting anyone at all... |
|
| Author: | Jared [ Sun Nov 04, 2012 12:57 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Non-attachment and meeting new women | ||
Dose the fact that this question bothers me mean that I still need to work further on becoming my own best friend?
This Still too damn needy...this mindset is new to you...baby steps, buddy. Focus on the basics of the mindset for now...build a solid foundation. Time to learn some patience. My purpose comes #1. See if this helps you. And since all reationships are inside your head, you can decide how you manage them. |
|||
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC+01:00 |
| Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited https://www.phpbb.com/ |
|