Natural Freedom

To be fair she made the group on facebook the same day. 5 hours before she made the group tho. Needs to know by the first of that month, still over a month away. I don't think she ever really got over me. I was too needy at the time.

I'd say that you would, if nothing comes up, if you really want to.. That seems brief and indifferent enough - Birthday partys are fun
(But don't listen to this untill Kidd approves - I'm trying to understand things here so I'm posting what I'd do in your situation)

btw, I don't know if you are fammiliar with myers briggs, but isn't that girl ENFJ ? Seems little like it from what I've read so far...

So why did you even post? I agree The Kidd!! Does know his shit but you have to trust your judgement better. This is a step towards being a more confident self assured man.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

I've been told more than once that I'm in the position at the time to really talk about things, so I'm making sure that it would be known that I understand that I may be wrong or right.. But I think I'm right, being honest

That seemed like more of a gut check than thinking this time around, fufe...keep it up!

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Precisely. I'm becoming very aware, that emotional->thinking noise is what has been keeping me from hearing what the gut says
Thanks

Girl seems ENFJ.

Anyway, I noticed something the other day. The girl changed her profile picture I think before she sent the messages, I saw the new profile picture when I read the messages. The picture looked like a place we went, a significant place to us in a way. She wrote something like do you still think about me? Under the changed profile picture. Sure that means me.

Urgh she's trying to talk over facebook. Asking me about my life since. Facebook was not meant for convs.

Says who?

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Deep down (not what you think the correct sounding answer is) - what do you actually want to have happen here?

You do have the power to create what you want but need an objective.

You may need to dig in a few layers to see what you really want, but even on the surface level. To be friends/cool again, do you want a girlfriend on your terms, to sleep with her, for her to leave you alone, are you caught up in the fascinating shit that is happening and see it as an 'experiment' of sorts- and then if so what do you want to prove.

What's the directive captain.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

This is so good. I recently went through a serious realization about this.

In these kinds of situations they really do hand over the controls to you. You choose how things progress, and they will follow.

I want a gf. After I saw her again and had terrible sleep I realized all those emotions are still in me. Why?

Fine. I am needy. I accept it. I want external validation and she gave that to me. Yet we had good time being together. I wanted to have fun and have all those good feelings. Being loved, accepted, attractive, etc.

Last night I didn't look at her. My eyes were in her direction once and she seemed to be open to me. She put herself near me a few times, walked by. I put myself near her near the end. Unintentional I was placing myself near my friends so another girl might come to me. She had waved to me when I was near her talking to hear friend. We locked Eyes I looked away and she waved at me, point blank really. And I ignored... I dunno why I ignore girls who do stuff that says I like you. I think to avoid any perceived awkwardness or gain power.

Still I don't want to lock eyes cause I fear it may be awkward and neither of us will talk. Also she makes me feel weak.

Insecurities aside that's what I want, my insecurities do influence that decision although. I think my insecurities have been lessened. They won't seem to go away. I'm sick of sleepless nights, yes I know you're there insecurities!

I felt like a few days went by last night in and out of sleep. That girl brings out my weakness a side I had hope was healed. I feel so good by myself then I go out and realize I've improved, but so many core issues still exist. Having fun by myself, great, yet still fear rejection. Think I'm cool, well that can weaken a lot depending on the situation. My confidence HAS improved, and I am happy with the progress and journey. Still I'm tired of being robbed of sleep. Happy, yet still want more.

Peregrinus, deep down I think the dissatisfaction in my life was preventing me from sleeping as well as I should...

You will move forward quickly with that level of self honesty, remember that it is a process. We want to just be able to play the instrument professionally or ski down the most exciting mountain too, right now. Mastering yourself is more subtle than those things so don't think all your insecurities and issues should just be gone or that you just 'stop caring' and it's all done. The irony is there is nothing wrong with you right now, but it almost always takes untangling because of how deeply we convince ourselves that there is. Brutally honest self assessment without self-judgement is the balance to find.
And that's her gift to you.

Fears present themselves to be confronted. You are able to use "don't pursue her" or other concepts as a means for not actually confronting this fear, as a way to run away from it but to wrap it in clothes that say i'm being powerful by looking away. Ego's are brilliant shapeshifters.

This is not about going up to her and trying to make her your girlfriend, it's about confronting that weakness. Don't go buy her flowers and dinner and try to win her approval - all of those things still apply, in fact I don't believe you even need to speak to her to confront this stuff in her presence, but she (life) is continuing to present you this because it is the most direct route to your most uncomfortable 'stuff.'

You could sit and do all sorts of inner work to try to bring up those fears and insecurities or you can go the shortcut route of making eye contact with this girl who accomplishes all of that in less than a second. Then can you confront that feeling directly - allow it to be there, allow her to be there, give her total space to be even while in the same room and loosen your grip on all the feelings going on inside of you. Not as technique to get her, not about her at all, that's the distinction here -- it's for yourself, for facing the fear and insecurity this brings up. She's the most direct window into that fear and security and you can feel how you are energetically running away from it rather than moving into it - which btw is an energetic stance and not about you going up to her and telling your feelings or any of that bullshit.

It's a lot easier to do that when you're alone, yeah, but the game is played on the court not when your by yourself practicing foul shots

That's my $0.02

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

This is why I thought she would be an experiment for me. Really any girl who cause me to feel that way can be an experiment for my growth.

I'm looking forward to looking her in the eye and just letting go and allow all the feelings to be.

Jared once said the purpose of relationships with others is to learn about yourself. Not exactly like that, but I thought that was a great perspective. I can confront all the fears and have no concern for the outcome, because the real concern is confronting the fears.
Brilliant.

Yes indeed. The "reflection" is more literal than you might easily believe.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Its been a few weeks.

Looked her in the eyes and that was great. Yet her actions perplex me. Her body speaks to me like saying come approach. Yet she never approaches me. I've made myself approachable. In my eyes she started this so she should be the one to fix this. Still don't know about the birthday party. Asked again (fb), she's asking everyone for confirmation. Kinda awkward cause she won't talk to me. Semi-formal, may be a dance, then I feel like I have to get her a gift, don't want to...

A bit puzzled why things didn't turn out yet. Maybe more time is needed.

(exhales)...ok. "it's not every woman who is gonna bend over and say ok, you can fuck me now." T."King Flex" Nasheed.

there's no way to know besides doing something (and this is for those who are learning about what to do. we can sit here and type our thoughts every day, but if you don't actually Try or DO these things, they will never make an impression. that's how you know what works for you! )based on the level of attraction a woman may have for you, she may break the touch barrier, or the conversation barrier, in essence, if she continues to invade your SPACE in a seductive manner, you can follow through with an action on your part.

puff on this for a minute. what if she is making herself approachable. you sit there looking into her eyes and thinking, oh, I'm making myself approachable, so if she won't move, I won't either ( she is thinking like you, because nobody wants to be rejected). you know what's gonna happen? she will be a sitting duck to a Man more foxy than you.<-(on a side note, you shouldn't really care if she goes with someone else, I'm just saying this because you want a "GF" and you have your sites fixated on this chick, the other problem)

I said it before and I will say it again. women like to be convinced that they are making a wise choice in wanting you! grab yo balls and stop acting like you got ovaries.

if you want an easier way, JUST GIVE HER SPACE TO REAAAAAAALLY MAKE HER OWN DECISION!

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

Heh...

I think I need to clarify.

I won't approach her out of principal. I have some fear yes, but I decided long ago that it would be right for her to do so, not me. I approached her the first time... She's only one of the girls who has caught my attention. Her message spurred me to write, not me thinking about her. I honestly don't think about her much. I do take action and I am testing with other girls, this one didn't act how I imagined. She can come or go, but due to friends she will be around. I have some anger against her so that helps in not approaching her, not to mention it seems like chasing to me.

She messaged me on fb first some maybe I'll accept that, move on and approach her. Just didn't seem right to me.

my question to you is this. if you have other women jocking you! why do you care so much about this deviant one?

I want to believe that you don't think about her much, but
Looked her in the eyes and that was great.[/u][/b] Yet her actions perplex me. Her body speaks to me like saying come approach. Yet she never approaches me. I've made myself approachable. In my eyes she started this so she should be the one to fix this. Still don't know about the birthday party. Asked again (fb), she's asking everyone for confirmation. Kinda awkward cause she won't talk to me. Semi-formal, may be a dance, then I feel like I have to get her a gift, don't





[/quote]

Brilliant.

EDIT! too much to edit*

_________________
"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

Get 'em, P!

_________________
EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

I care because I want to know why. I usually read or ask questions/advice here. If things are going fine I don't need advice and I usually won't have many pressing questions. Could she really be afraid? I'm not sure I believe that. I made myself approachable to see if she would, that maybe I was scaring her away by being closed off. Also there is a factor of being slightly interested because of the way she's acting.

I looked into her eyes to get over fear. This situation came up again because of the message. I don't want to get her a gift because she doesn't hold much value to me. Showing up should be enough for her. Yet my friends I think, would criticize me. I don't feel like dealing with that.

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After some short introspection I realized...

I am invested, because of feelings I had a long time ago. Like a traumatic experience her messages/comments trigger those feelings. I often forget about her existence in my semi-busy life. I saw her message and I was like of right she had messaged me sometime back. I want a girlfriend at this time and I don't really care who. Also me being needy means I focus on the girl whose jocking me most present. I don't care cause I love my life without her, yet a part of me is still attached from a long time ago. So in away I guess that makes me emotionally confused. I also am somewhat worried my intuition is off by her not approaching me. Maybe I'm not as liked as I thought -self esteem feels threatened. Felt that needed to be said.