Natural Freedom

So I'm going to change things up and do this before I go out maybe there is something you guys can help me out with all views and opinions are welcomed.

So let me bring everyone up to speed on this one. So I have been working with this client for a little over a year now and we have kicked it a couple times here is my most recent post about it:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=2041&hilit=my+life+ ... er+century

But anyway I don't know from my time back when I first met her to my greater awareness now is night and day. Even though I was totally oblivious back then for some reason I felt something strong within this one she is definitely keeper material (or at least a glitch in the social matrix) but she can be a headache from time to time (I still need to do better with dealing with my emotions).

I knew from the jump since talking to her that she was digging me but I think I picked it up on a more subconscious vibe back then similar to Kidds I gonna fuck this girl but not quite to that degree. I actually think it was my homie who pointed it out and brought it to light (he's good at picking this up).

It has developed to the point where we became closer but to me it seemed it plateaued and was getting stagnant. The funny thing is when I try to be emotionally detached and go back to being professional with her she boomerangs right back, I really need to work on giving more space and being more relaxed in social situations I think its a deep external approval insecurity that needs to attention (I will look into this more tomorrow).

The same thing has happened today, just when I finally want to leave her alone here she comes out of the blue inviting me and the homie to hang out with her tonight for her birthday along with her friends. I had to decline because circumstances weren't favorable for either me or my friend, I gave her every excuse I could think of of why we couldn't kick it tonight.

She was actually adamant about us hanging out so I take it she must still be feeling me if she wants to hang out that bad even to the point where it would be more favorable for us. Here is how the conversation went through texting:

Lets call old girl ashley and my friend home boy

Ashley: Hey you and home boy should come out and party tonight we are going to a couple clubs in D.C. for my bday

Me:The Problem is neither one of us have I.D.s so unless you have connections we are not getting in

Ashley:Ugh why don't you guys have I.D.s?!

Me: Along story that I really don't feel like explaining at the moment

Ashley:Boooo. ok sooo we go drinking in Bethesda tomorrow??

Me: Yeah we could do that but I'm broke though. Although I have this vodka bottle we could crush

Ashley: Shush about being broke. Who cares. Just Go. and I do not drink vodka so you guys just figure out where we are going.

Me: There are 2 spots we can get into

The rest is not important but that pretty much is the gist of the convo. So if she wants to hang with me that much she is still attracted to me (I guess the Kidd is right about attraction) I guess she feels that I will reach critical mass one day and then she will try to sow me up for good too bad that won't be happening I will reciprocate but that is all that will happen

Anyway as I thinking about this and I realized how nervous and anxious I was feeling about tomorrow so instead of repressing it like usual I gave it room and attention to let it express itself, come to find out I still have this approval thing bad although I really shouldn't care something tells me this goes deeper than I suspect so I will be working out tomorrow to relieve some of this tension then hit J.A.I a little longer than usual.

But if you guys have an idea how I can be more at ease in my own skin temporarily for tomorrow night I would much appreciate it I don't want this to shake me up all I want to do is have a good time. Maybe I should not care at all and just go with the feeling and not think so much into this but my inner voice is like you have another shot don't screw this up you can prove you aren't a loser, I want this voice to fade in the background at least.

Let me know holla!

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Do you feel like you need approval from every girl? I'm just curious cause I'm in a similar situation as you are. I find that I haven't been attached to the outcome in a really long time until recently but it's just with one specific girl I've recently been talking to.

I'm taking grinus' advice and just being aware of the emotion and letting it be. Just feeling it and creating space around it. I haven't felt this way in years and it sucks.

Yes and no this feeling has its ups and downs but lately not as powerful as it use to be because of recent confirmation I have been receiving as of late. Really I just want to stop caring altogether so I can be free of these burdens. believe me I know

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Yeah it's a bitch. The weird thing is, since I haven't felt this way in such a long time it makes me even more curious. I guess I see a lot of value in this girl.

I was thinking about something I heard Brent say when it comes to pursuing women. He said that when we pursue, it's not for the girl, it's for us. That kinda snapped me out of it a little. I'm not literally pursuing her, but in my mind I am. I'm totally attached to this girl so my emotions are so up and down now. Like I said before it really fuckin sucks. I haven't felt attachment in so long dude. I actually never thought I would ever again. So it's really fucked up right now.

I'm trying to walk away from this. She's a really hard girl to read. Very quiet and very gorgeous. I gave her my number about a week or two ago. I said to her you have an iPhone right? She said yes, I say let me show you something cool in it. She hands it to me and I put my number in it. Later that night she texts me which made me think obviously she's somewhat interested. We haven't hungout yet but this feeling I have is very familiar to me. I know I used to feel this way back in the day. Like high school days. So I'm really trying to do the opposite of what I did in the past which was be a total pussy. Maybe I'll see her, maybe not. That's how it's gotta be cause I didn't come this far to go back to my old ways.

if you have a voice telling you to do something to prove you aren't a "loser" you still need work. why do you need to prove this? and to who? yourself or the chick?

what you are asking for is merely a "band aid" or quick fix approach.
if you still work with this chick, why do you want to fuck her? ( Grinus recently wrote " you don't shit where you eat!)

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

She's not a keeper, girls are idiots so who cares what she thinks of you, the morning after she drinks with you she'll probably spray diarrhea everywhere...you should feel better now, no need to thank me.

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

This helped a lot actually
I know I do I will be looking into it more from today on
I feel like its more so for myself than for her I think its that ego kicking in of a deep belief of how I want to be perceived as "perfect"
Its not even about getting some ass anymore just making a good impression, sex drive has hit a low lately. Yeah I remember Peregrinus saying that to The Dude I think or Dali, but this relationship developed over the course of a year so I've been playing it cool not pursuing it any farther besides she invited me out. Maybe I should continue not to care the feeling isn't as strong as it was yesterday maybe it just wanted attention.
Makes sense

Maybe I should just do this and leave it alone this might be the answer I'm looking for. I tire of dealing with this, fuck it hang with her tonight because she wants me to be around for her bday, have no other intention other than kick it for the night walk away from the whole thing like nothing ever happened, go home, sounds like a simple enough plan.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

NOBODY is perfect, no matter how hard we try!

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"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

@Mikey
i got tired reading this, the less you invest on her the less attached to her

....

i talk by experience but i'm not sure about almost nothing.i asked the phone to a woman time ago and i practically dissarmed myself in front of her my voice changed like if i had breathe helium

That ain't a coincidence

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

So a tornado had just hit my area looks like shit ain't going down tonight. So forget this thread and put it to the back burner I got nothing now

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Are you and your family OK ? That's most important now...

Yeah I know its important to be alive right now, it was very close in my area but no major damage happened I just lost power and so far everyone I know is safe. Although I tried reaching out to slim she hasn't responded to both messages I wonder if she's still alive right now.

Thanks for asking Fufe

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

I just love Star's posts and his love for women. That's why I'm on his fan club





@Resonance
I hope everything will be OK with the tornado, that sucks man

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

An update on what happened with that girl...

We started texting each other almost everyday. But I felt like it was still going to be a while before we hungout. One experience I had a few years ago was I was texting this girl on and off for like a month until we finally hungout. So I saw that this relationship was going in the same direction. Like I would hangout with her eventually but it might be a while before it happens. Still I felt like I was really attached to her and I wanted it to stop.

So what I ended up doing was deleting her number out of my phone. I was so attached to her, she's so fuckin sexy and I wanted her so bad and I was not creating any attraction on her end because I was so attached. So before it spiraled out of control I had to stop it. Also I wanted to prove that I could walk away. So that was it, I deleted her and haven't texted her in a week. I saw her yesterday and that strong attraction was still there. But I really didn't talk to her anything. I just went about my business.

I know that attraction is about giving space but at this point that's not even what I'm trying to do. The space is for me to forget about her. I was so attached it was terrible. My emotions were so up and down just over a fuckin girl. So the space is for me. I'm not trying to create attraction, I'm trying to let go of the attachment. Instantly after I deleted her number I felt relief. The next day I didn't even think about her and all week I felt so much better exempt for yesterday when I saw her. But whatever. I'm so much better off now and it's on to the next one.

I left this out...

I noticed that since she's really attractive she gets tons of male attention. She told me dude at work were always hitting on her asking her out and stuff. One guy even took her number out of the schedule and would text her late at night haha. But she had so many guys chasing her and I didn't wanna be one of them. I would rather never talk to her again then end up like that.

So the way I saw it was its just not worth it. It's never worth it. Even though I might of hooked up with her, being attached to her sucked and it had to stop. 

QFT

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

What

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Is for Quoted For Truth
(It means he approves the message for his veracity)

This guy always make replys in order to embarc in some quick search, and for that it, came handy the urban dictionary.
It's like the light version of Zodiac.

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GMST

I thought it stood for 'Quit Fucking Trying' but I can dig it.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."