Natural Freedom

Forum for the natural awakening and self-realization of men
It is currently Fri Mar 29, 2024 8:04 am

All times are UTC+01:00




Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 13 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Making the first move
PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 9:34 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1884
I met some classmates at school on my way to turn in some work, one of them is an older woman I've taken a liking to.

We were hanging out for a bit when everyone started going their own way, she had said beforehand she didn't know what she would be doing today as it's really nice weather now, I was thinkin 'ok so it's most likely gonna be just us two', she was contemplating going to town for a drink, when everyone left I knew she was going to ask me so I waited on her to do it, a second after this thought she asks me if I want to join her.

So we get talking on the bus then she brings up a past relationship she had, she was married for awhile and the guy was unfaithful, from her tone and body language it seemed she expected a certain response from me but I was just like nonchalantly "well, we just gotta move on, you know?".

We went for a walk and decided to sit down somewhere, she bought me a drink like last time, I decided on a non-alcoholic drink since it might have sent a bad message if I had gotten a beer that early in the morning, we went to sit down, I got her to talk mostly about herself and her story, I didn't talk much about myself other than my ambitions and some other stuff, at some point in the conversation she was talking about this older woman that had an affair with a guy that was 25, which I didn't think much of at the time.

When my gut told me it was time to split she said she should get going so I walked her to the stop until she caught the bus, the whole time the conversation never went dead and we get along well, we got in deep conversation, from what I can tell she likes me, not that I know for sure but I'd rather not doubt myself so I'm thinking is there anything I can do to encourage her to make a move? I don't want to chase but I want to let her know that she can go for it if she wants.

Is there enough evidence there to come to a conclusion or do I have to stack up more?.

I'm usually a bit tense when it's just me and a girl but I was fine today considering and I was able to reject any self-defeating thoughts that came to mind.

Any comments/feedback much appreciated.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 9:45 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3337
Location: UK
create wrote:
when everyone left I knew she was going to ask me so I waited on her to do it, a second after this thought she asks me if I want to join her.
create wrote:
she brings up a past relationship she had, she was married for awhile and the guy was unfaithful, from her tone and body language it seemed she expected a certain response from me but I was just like nonchalantly "well, we just gotta move on, you know?".
create wrote:
at some point in the conversation she was talking about this older woman that had an affair with a guy that was 25, which I didn't think much of at the time.
create wrote:
is there anything I can do to encourage her to make a move?.
She already has, though probably not in the sense you are thinking about, she has though in my view.

Sounds like she is making progress. She is getting a good read on you and is escalating the level of information she is both getting from you and giving to you.

The main obstacle in my view seems to be your doubt of it, of her and you and the whole situation.. [she has some doubts, but they would not be an issue if it were not for yours]

Read the quotes above again and think how you would respond if it was someone else who had posted it, for example ME... what would you be saying to me?
create wrote:
Is there enough evidence there to come to a conclusion or do I have to stack up more?.
This question to me seems a bit null and void.. She is quite capable of moving the interaction along provided you do not resist. The real question is, given what you have learned in the interaction are you still keen on her?

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 10:37 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1884
I can tell that she hasn't completely gotten over this guy she was married to, so the doubts may lay there concerning that and possibly also the age gap between us (which I could easily assuage if the issue came up).

As for how I would respond to you saying what I said, I would say:

Despite you being unsure she is throwing hints and testing the waters herself and gauging your reaction, the invite was a clear sign of interest, bringing up the marriage is a sign that there's still some baggage there that you may not want to deal with in the long run because it also implies she wants a relationship but not with a dude who screws around, plus the fact that she's in the stage of her life where she will want to settle down after she gets her degree, she may get too attached and from her point of view you're young and a ladies man so maybe she's protecting herself from disappointment.

The thing is we get along well but I wouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt from what I've learned today cuz the old chump me would have ignored the baggage and gone for it regardless, the other thing is at this point in my life I should be gaining the experience to know how to deal with these situations, I'm not gonna know how to unless I'm in the situation.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 11:19 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3337
Location: UK
create wrote:
I can tell that she hasn't completely gotten over this guy she was married to, so the doubts may lay there concerning that and
Your doubts?
She will not really get over him until she rides someone else and screams out in ecstasy, no matter what either of you say. It is not an issue.
create wrote:
possibly also the age gap between us (which I could easily assuage if the issue came up).
If the age gap was a big enough issue to her, it would not have gone this far, hence in my view it is only an issue in your mind. It is not an issue, she has even told you that indirectly already.
She has on some level already thought about being with you, her bringing up the story about older woman with younger guy tells me that, or else she would have told you a story about how wrong it was, I am sure she did not tell the story that way.
create wrote:
Despite you being unsure she is throwing hints and testing the waters herself and gauging your reaction, the invite was a clear sign of interest
Agreed, so was the time she spent with you.. And that you ended it, she did not.
create wrote:
bringing up the marriage is a sign that there's still some baggage there that you may not want to deal with in the long run because it also implies she wants a relationship but not with a dude who screws around
Implies = assumption = mistake.
What actually makes you believe that she wants a relationship? Or is it you that wants to believe she wants one?
Why even consider the long run yet? that sounds to me like more projection.
The way you wrote this in your original message did not give me this. What I read was a woman testing your character response to a scenario she presented. Women talk indirectly, not usually directly, especially when judging character of males.
She was telling you a story to see your reaction. Some guys would have responded by justifying how they would not do that, or act that way and other such things. You did not do this - Bravo!
create wrote:
plus the fact that she's in the stage of her life where she will want to settle down after she gets her degree, she may get too attached and from her point of view you're young and a ladies man so maybe she's protecting herself from disappointment.
This to me is you projecting your thoughts of her wanting a relationship onto her, as I mentioned above.
Just because she is a certain age does not mean she wants to settle down NOW! she may want to have some relaxed fun, especially given her split, being at college again amongst some young men who she feels are not ready to settle down.
You not being ready to settle down and not being in a mindset to get overly attached to her could be one of your main selling points, it could be a real bonus to her.. Think about it.
[Someone she is attracted to, who is younger, no ties, free in mind and body and who will not turn into a clinger at the first sign of interest from her, sounds very attractive to me]
create wrote:
at this point in my life I should be gaining the experience to know how to deal with these situations, I'm not gonna know how to unless I'm in the situation.
I agree, I would not bail. Regardless of if you intend to take it all the way, there is no reason to stop the dance.. The dance can be enjoyable in of itself for both of you and also a good learning experience. Bailing will only make you wonder what if... You can always decide to not sleep with her if you do not want to, it is your choice after all. Nothing to say you cannot spend time with her.

Give her space to continue her dance and see where she goes with it, leading it gently along.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 1:50 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1884
peregrinus wrote:
Implies = assumption = mistake.
What actually makes you believe that she wants a relationship? Or is it you that wants to believe she wants one?
Why even consider the long run yet? that sounds to me like more projection.
The way you wrote this in your original message did not give me this. What I read was a woman testing your character response to a scenario she presented. Women talk indirectly, not usually directly, especially when judging character of males.
She was telling you a story to see your reaction. Some guys would have responded by justifying how they would not do that, or act that way and other such things. You did not do this - Bravo!
Inexperience I guess, there's alot I don't know yet so I tend to assume....I'm glad I didn't provide her with a classic chump response, I wasn't even thinking about saying something like "I would never do that" cuz it's not natural to me to do so, sweet!!. :mrgreen:
peregrinus wrote:
This to me is you projecting your thoughts of her wanting a relationship onto her, as I mentioned above.
Just because she is a certain age does not mean she wants to settle down NOW! she may want to have some relaxed fun, especially given her split, being at college again amongst some young men who she feels are not ready to settle down.
You not being ready to settle down and not being in a mindset to get overly attached to her could be one of your main selling points, it could be a real bonus to her.. Think about it.
[Someone she is attracted to, who is younger, no ties, free in mind and body and who will not turn into a clinger at the first sign of interest from her, sounds very attractive to me]
Meeting a few women who were at that stage at her age was a shock to the system but you're right, I should keep in mind they're not all like that.
peregrinus wrote:
Give her space to continue her dance and see where she goes with it, leading it gently along.
Will do. 8-)

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 7:11 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:17 am
Posts: 321
Location: Switzerland
A good thing you could do before the next date is visualizing the best possible date with her. Just imagine the things happening that you consider as the things you would like to have on a date. But don't get caught in it, just do it for your own fun, for making you feel good.

And only use events that seem possible to you. If you think its possible that a group of cheerleader arrives at the same location you have the date with your woman and a wild party starts with all of you together, well then you could use that event in your visualization but if not, just take events you think are possible to happen to you.


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 8:40 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1884
I've lived believing all of this was impossible, so I want to raise the bar in terms of what I perceive to be possible, I'm starting to believe it's possible now since I've been on a couple dates with other women.

If my visualizations turn into fantasy I made a pact with myself to make those believable, so I'm not allowed to think up scenarios unless I believe them to be realistic.

I don't do visualizations as such because they haven't worked for me, so I just pay attention to what I'm thinking and the images in my head, if it's anything bad I change it as best I can.

Also I didn't frame it as a date, not that I didn't see this as an opportunity to get to know each other though.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 10:30 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:17 am
Posts: 321
Location: Switzerland
I would look at visualisations not as a tool that brings you certain results but as a cool thing to do because you feel great while doing it. Just imagine that you're already the man you would like to be. Just for the sake of feeling great while doing it. And this is it all about, having fun in your life. As Jake says, when we want something, take women for example, we don't want the women themselves but the feelings we have when we have succes with women. So why not use the capabilities of our mind and feel those feelings right now, living as we already have everything we want. Just for the sake of having a good time. The "result" of it is that we step from the state of "wanting" into the state of "having". And if you're the attractive man in the inside, you're the attractive guy on the outside. Take Ryan's story for a good example of it.


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 1:22 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2010 8:13 pm
Posts: 336
Sounds like she is attracted to you. As far as moving things along, I've found wine and movie's to be an excellent motivator. This sounds very promising for you, but I would not expect anything to happen. I wouldn't visualize what you want to happen with HER specifically. Trust me. It sets up a kind of weird expectation in your mind when you get together with her and your energy will show it, but I do reccomend visualization and affirmations very highly. Visualize yourself hooking up with women in general. It doesn't neccesarily have to be her. Like Vegano said, visualize it because you enjoy it. certainly not to have an outcome.

Back on the track off wine and movies. I tend to rant. So, when you invite a girl over for wine and movies and you are being completely yourself i.e. not worrying one bit about if you should say something to her, but simply whatever you want to say AND you're not expecting any kind of outcome...well that usually ends up being a very outrageous night. Try it and if nothing happens, then do it again and be even more unrestrained.

_________________
The facebook page for modern libertines now with accessibility!


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 1:47 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1884
That sounds good but if anything it will be her inviting me to her place since I'm not the romantic type and I don't own a television, if she were to come to mine we wouldn't have the distraction of movies, it would just be me and her intimately.

When I imagine these situations it's usually the woman inviting me to her place and trying to get with me, I don't see or imagine myself making the first move, the idea's never really agreed with me.

Anyways it's her move so we'll see what happens, until then I'm putting it off my mind and going about my business.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 7:17 am 
peregrinus wrote:
create wrote:
I can tell that she hasn't completely gotten over this guy she was married to, so the doubts may lay there concerning that and
Your doubts?
She will not really get over him until she rides someone else and screams out in ecstasy, no matter what either of you say. It is not an issue.
create wrote:
possibly also the age gap between us (which I could easily assuage if the issue came up).
If the age gap was a big enough issue to her, it would not have gone this far, hence in my view it is only an issue in your mind. It is not an issue, she has even told you that indirectly already.
She has on some level already thought about being with you, her bringing up the story about older woman with younger guy tells me that, or else she would have told you a story about how wrong it was, I am sure she did not tell the story that way.
create wrote:
Despite you being unsure she is throwing hints and testing the waters herself and gauging your reaction, the invite was a clear sign of interest
Agreed, so was the time she spent with you.. And that you ended it, she did not.
create wrote:
bringing up the marriage is a sign that there's still some baggage there that you may not want to deal with in the long run because it also implies she wants a relationship but not with a dude who screws around
Implies = assumption = mistake.
What actually makes you believe that she wants a relationship? Or is it you that wants to believe she wants one?
Why even consider the long run yet? that sounds to me like more projection.
The way you wrote this in your original message did not give me this. What I read was a woman testing your character response to a scenario she presented. Women talk indirectly, not usually directly, especially when judging character of males.
She was telling you a story to see your reaction. Some guys would have responded by justifying how they would not do that, or act that way and other such things. You did not do this - Bravo!
create wrote:
plus the fact that she's in the stage of her life where she will want to settle down after she gets her degree, she may get too attached and from her point of view you're young and a ladies man so maybe she's protecting herself from disappointment.
This to me is you projecting your thoughts of her wanting a relationship onto her, as I mentioned above.
Just because she is a certain age does not mean she wants to settle down NOW! she may want to have some relaxed fun, especially given her split, being at college again amongst some young men who she feels are not ready to settle down.
You not being ready to settle down and not being in a mindset to get overly attached to her could be one of your main selling points, it could be a real bonus to her.. Think about it.
[Someone she is attracted to, who is younger, no ties, free in mind and body and who will not turn into a clinger at the first sign of interest from her, sounds very attractive to me]
create wrote:
at this point in my life I should be gaining the experience to know how to deal with these situations, I'm not gonna know how to unless I'm in the situation.
I agree, I would not bail. Regardless of if you intend to take it all the way, there is no reason to stop the dance.. The dance can be enjoyable in of itself for both of you and also a good learning experience. Bailing will only make you wonder what if... You can always decide to not sleep with her if you do not want to, it is your choice after all. Nothing to say you cannot spend time with her.

Give her space to continue her dance and see where she goes with it, leading it gently along.
Grinus' when character is being judged how is it possible to communicate character without being judgmental?

Or, is it that character is free from judgment. I.E. that is a character trait of a true man?


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Nov 21, 2013 10:52 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:08 pm
Posts: 3337
Location: UK
Slim Titan wrote:
Grinus' when character is being judged how is it possible to communicate character without being judgmental?

Or, is it that character is free from judgment. I.E. that is a character trait of a true man?
You communicate your character by being you.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 12:58 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:14 am
Posts: 1884
Wow, it's good to look back and see where I was at and where I am now. :)

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 13 posts ] 

All times are UTC+01:00


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 19 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to: 

cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited