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| Eye Contact http://naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=2136 |
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| Author: | foofatron [ Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:44 am ] |
| Post subject: | Eye Contact |
This is something I struggle with in general. Less so with other guys and less so in a conversation. With guys I usually don't care just don't want to come off as creepy or wanting to fight. In a conversation I'm better, but I still don't want to look too much and stare, I feel uncomfortable sooner with prettier girls. Even if they like me. Just making eye contact like across the room I feel like if the girl looks back for more than a second or two I might be seen as staring them down. I feel like I have to do something with eye contact smile or approach. I have low self confidence atm, but thats changing. I seem to make eye contact most of the time because I'm looking to see if a girl is looking at me. I just don't know what to do with eye contact. I don't seem to like to make eye contact with people, no matter how close maybe some exceptions. I'm kind of afraid of relationships and intimacy of any kind, family or girl wise. While writing this I realize this must be the root. I also don't like to talk a lot except for sometimes. I really seem to run out of things to say or start a conversation with. Even with close friends I don't seem to like to get close and to girls either except in my head. Even if the girls way into me I'm afraid. Thats gotta change, but how? My question turned into more than eye contact, I'm not asking you to be my psychiatrist or anything, but how can I sort these issues out? The last girl said she didn't like when I kept looking away. I always did all the times we looked at each other, before we both revealed we liked each other. |
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| Author: | Altair [ Mon Apr 02, 2012 2:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact |
Feels like your putting too much focus on trying to catch a girls attention...like focusing all your attention on one tree using your peripherals and the forest shifts into view. Same with holding eye contact once it's started you have to deal with the underlying issues and then a lot of the outer manifestations will take care of themselves  I have a lot of issues with letting people get close so I cannot help you there 
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| Author: | Resonance [ Mon Apr 02, 2012 2:52 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact |
In the immortal words of Grinus: LET IT GO Oh and welcome to the forum
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| Author: | foofatron [ Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:56 am ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | ||
Feels like your putting too much focus on trying to catch a girls attention...like focusing all your attention on one tree using your peripherals and the forest shifts into view.
I thought you were supposed to look out for who is joking you. Self Confidence and Indifference I lack somewhat. Same with holding eye contact once it's started you have to deal with the underlying issues and then a lot of the outer manifestations will take care of themselves I have a lot of issues with letting people get close so I cannot help you there
In the immortal words of Grinus:
I'm confused let go of what? The girl? I mostly have I don't want her back.
LET IT GO Oh and welcome to the forum |
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| Author: | Dali [ Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:03 am ] | |||
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |||
Feels like your putting too much focus on trying to catch a girls attention...like focusing all your attention on one tree using your peripherals and the forest shifts into view.
I thought you were supposed to look out for who is joking you. Self Confidence and Indifference I lack somewhat. Same with holding eye contact once it's started you have to deal with the underlying issues and then a lot of the outer manifestations will take care of themselves I have a lot of issues with letting people get close so I cannot help you there
In the immortal words of Grinus:
I'm confused let go of what? The girl? I mostly have I don't want her back.LET IT GO Oh and welcome to the forum Jocking http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jocking |
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| Author: | peregrinus [ Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:25 pm ] | |||
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |||
The last girl said she didn't like when I kept looking away.
I always did all the times we looked at each other, before we both revealed we liked each other.
I'm kind of afraid of relationships and intimacy of any kind, family or girl wise. No wonder she did not like it, you were hiding from her.I feel this is not about eye contact. This is about intimacy. By avoiding eye contact you avoid that, you avoid people 'looking into you' and you avoid 'looking into people'. You are attaching far too much to simply looking at another person. That is where the 'Let It Go!' came from. |
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| Author: | foofatron [ Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:23 pm ] | ||||
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | ||||
The last girl said she didn't like when I kept looking away.
I always did all the times we looked at each other, before we both revealed we liked each other.
I'm kind of afraid of relationships and intimacy of any kind, family or girl wise. No wonder she did not like it, you were hiding from her.I feel this is not about eye contact. This is about intimacy. By avoiding eye contact you avoid that, you avoid people 'looking into you' and you avoid 'looking into people'. You are attaching far too much to simply looking at another person. That is where the 'Let It Go!' came from. yes I meant jocking btw. I thought jocking was a general term for anything a girl did because she liked you. Like kept looking at you, or rather one look would probably be enough in my mind. |
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| Author: | foofatron [ Sat Apr 28, 2012 1:01 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact |
Alright I can't seem to edit so I'll repost with better grammar. I've read a lot on this form. I've looked at GP Walsh's balls project and looked on the attraction institute blog. I don't need women however I feel the need for deeper relationships. I don't talk much and I want to be more open and be able to talk to anyone. I suppose that I'll have connections with some people and not others, good days talking to people and bad days. I want to be free from fear and insecurity. I may seem fine at home yet fear still seems to come up. Why? How do you truly become indifferent and confident when the rubber hits the road. I'm fine in some situations. The girls around seem to require me to put myself in proximity by like talking to people around them then to them. Or talking to them first. They don't seem to really pursue me, some do show interest like they pursue me a little bit, but I don't really like them so... Wondering how I might find a girl I'll like and wouldn't mind if things went further. Really don't know any girls atm that I want other than just beauty. Is indifference just a choice and not a feeling? |
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| Author: | Sniper [ Sat Apr 28, 2012 2:44 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |
Alright I can't seem to edit so I'll repost with better grammar.
being indifferent doesn't mean 'apathetic'I've read a lot on this form. I've looked at GP Walsh's balls project and looked on the attraction institute blog. I don't need women however I feel the need for deeper relationships. I don't talk much and I want to be more open and be able to talk to anyone. I suppose that I'll have connections with some people and not others, good days talking to people and bad days. I want to be free from fear and insecurity. I may seem fine at home yet fear still seems to come up. Why? How do you truly become indifferent and confident when the rubber hits the road. I'm fine in some situations. The girls around seem to require me to put myself in proximity by like talking to people around them then to them. Or talking to them first. They don't seem to really pursue me, some do show interest like they pursue me a little bit, but I don't really like them so... Wondering how I might find a girl I'll like and wouldn't mind if things went further. Really don't know any girls atm that I want other than just beauty. Is indifference just a choice and not a feeling? right now you need to work on your fear and insecurity because it's something that's holding your back in your life (not just with women I think...) why do you feel fear and insecurity? where does it come from? that's what's inner work is for... |
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| Author: | Flow83 [ Mon May 07, 2012 1:09 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |
Alright I can't seem to edit so I'll repost with better grammar.
Looking at the same sentences Sniper highlighted--I've read a lot on this form. I've looked at GP Walsh's balls project and looked on the attraction institute blog. I don't need women however I feel the need for deeper relationships. I don't talk much and I want to be more open and be able to talk to anyone. I suppose that I'll have connections with some people and not others, good days talking to people and bad days. I want to be free from fear and insecurity. I may seem fine at home yet fear still seems to come up. Why? How do you truly become indifferent and confident when the rubber hits the road. I'm fine in some situations. The girls around seem to require me to put myself in proximity by like talking to people around them then to them. Or talking to them first. They don't seem to really pursue me, some do show interest like they pursue me a little bit, but I don't really like them so... Wondering how I might find a girl I'll like and wouldn't mind if things went further. Really don't know any girls atm that I want other than just beauty. Is indifference just a choice and not a feeling? Indifference doesn't mean all fear goes away or that you no longer have emotions. "Fear" is often a label or interpretation of the energy that comes up and some can take the same thing and call it excitement. Indifference in the useful sense we are referring to, definitely as from GP's video, is more of a *knowing* than either a choice or a feeling. You will still have feelings- but you have a *knowing* that your happiness and peace does not depend on the outcome of the situation so it takes most if not all the edge off of the situation so you can move forward and talk / do your thing anyway. If you are still equating rejection, making a fool out of yourself, doing it wrong, etc. with death (this is something ingrained and not a conscious choice) it's going to be heavy. Stressing one more time that indifference does not mean none of those feelings are ever there -- feelings come and go constantly. You can remove some of the 'triggers' that spark intense fear and indifference can emerge from this. No quick fix, but the right tools and proper understanding make the whole thing much much of a smoother journey. |
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| Author: | Flow83 [ Mon May 07, 2012 1:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact |
Fear of getting close = afraid other person will see those aspects of you that you find absolutely unacceptable and must keep hidden at all costs. The only thing beyond a band aid is to begin to actually accept these parts and the only way to start doing that is to acknowledge them and look directly at them (not comfortable). |
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| Author: | Alchemist [ Mon May 07, 2012 4:06 pm ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |
some do show interest like they pursue me a little bit, but I don't really like them so... Wondering how I might find a girl I'll like and wouldn't mind if things went further.
We don't choose.
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| Author: | Resonance [ Mon May 07, 2012 6:00 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | ||
some do show interest like they pursue me a little bit, but I don't really like them so... Wondering how I might find a girl I'll like and wouldn't mind if things went further.
We don't choose.Concur. Just go with the best option that chooses you 
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| Author: | foofatron [ Wed May 09, 2012 12:06 am ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |
Fear of getting close = afraid other person will see those aspects of you that you find absolutely unacceptable and must keep hidden at all costs.
This hit home. I realized I am very much afraid to let people see parts of me. I'm not sure why I'm unaccepting of some parts or all the parts. The only thing beyond a band aid is to begin to actually accept these parts and the only way to start doing that is to acknowledge them and look directly at them (not comfortable). Today in class we were doing a skit, I couldn't look anybody in the eye except those I knew or perhaps the teacher. I felt awkward doing so. I sometimes misspeak and sometimes my mouth seems to have a bad day. I seem to struggle at least a little bit getting my thoughts and feelings out correctly. I do misuse words and have gotten corrected. Thats kinda embarrassing! As for the presenting I don't know why I felt awkward; it wasn't really because I could mess up speaking. I got asked to prom last Friday the girl was kinda cute, but I said no. She had a crush on me and wanted to ask me to prom before. She finally worked up the courage to on the last day. I felt kinda bad it was her senior prom. I got to see what rejection was like from the other perspective. The girl still looked down today; she must have really liked me. I'm a junior and I didn't really know any of her friends or her. I wasn't planning on going to prom and I'm not sure I even had the money. I was pretty sure she'd buy me a ticket, but I didn't really want her to. I rejected her mainly cause I didn't feel comfortable about the situation and I didn't know where she wanted to go. My friend said the whole grade was gonna come and pick me up or something. I didn't even know the girl. Seemed like a lot of planning and fantasizing and from experience that doesn't seem to work. I assume a lot of girls too want to have sex after prom and perhaps go to parties. She wanted to date me as far as I could tell. I didn't want to get myself into more than I wanted or knew. I'm a Christian and I want to date a Christian girl, no sex. I have been afraid to state this before to people and a number of my friends would just laugh. That's what I want and I feel embarrassed sometimes when I admit (Usually an imagined scenario of what certain people would say. I don't usually get asked the whys. Like my friend talking to me about this girl.) that I wouldn't date a non Christian girl. I don't know the girl at all I can't say if she's a Christian or what she wanted, thats mostly why I turned her down. I don't know her and I felt uncomfortable. I will enforce my standards and try to be more open and live life the way I want. I must accept myself and stop caring what others think. |
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| Author: | Resonance [ Wed May 09, 2012 12:31 am ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |
I'm a Christian and I want to date a Christian girl, no sex.
My gut is telling me this is the main thing holding you back limiting beliefs and a religious background. I won't go too deep into it unless you want to but I can understand to a point about your situation about approval seeking, caring what others think and limiting beliefs, truthfully that will hold you back on your true potential.Honestly as far as girls were concerned any fine female that was DTF I was going to get at but because of the brainwashing and conditioning it set me up for failure and my confidence at a low. So no offense to your religion or anything but until you get past that particular hump I don't think this forum is for you, I could be wrong and you're here to open your mind a little more and see what is possible. |
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| Author: | foofatron [ Wed May 09, 2012 2:27 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact |
I think you guys have a lot to teach me. I'm not going to stop believing in God however. My approval seeking really comes from wanted to be accepted. I kinda rejected being a catholic as a kid and hated going to church. I'd say I'm a nondenominational Christian now. As far as I can remember I wanted friends and to accepted approval seeking seems to be tied up at school. Perhaps this goes back to family life. I'm not free in the way I want to live life. I want to get past my insecurities and fears. I came hear to get better with women I think. Not totally sure. Not having sex is my own choice, not my parents. I wanted to pursue sex until I'd say I became a Christian. I still have desire rise up, but I'm not going to dwell or pursue. Sometimes I don't even care. I don't think sex is all its made out to be. I think I mostly ignored my parents teaching me. Other than Jesus was God's son and morals. I never was really moral and did a lot of stuff. I want to live my life a certain way and not care what others think. |
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| Author: | p4th [ Wed May 09, 2012 2:33 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact |
Right now you're nervous around hot girls. Have you thought that it was possible to make them nervous around you? I used to love to ask every cute girl I talked to for their phone number. At first it was tough but I got to the point where I didn’t even think about it. Out of nowhere I would say “I’m going to need your number”. And then I would shut up and not say another word. I heard every single excuse of why they couldn’t give me their number but over time it became funny to me. I started to love catching women off guard and having them stall, get nervous and try to make something up. It was hilarious! My mindset had changed from the pressure is on ME to the pressure is on HER. Because I no longer felt nervous my eye contact and body language radiated extreme confidence. This vibe created massive attraction. Change your mindset: The pressure is on her not you. When you go to kiss a girl the pressure is on her. She is the one who has to turn away or kiss you back. You can just smirk. It’s funny. Treat this like a game: whoever looks away first loses. Put the pressure on her. |
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| Author: | Resonance [ Wed May 09, 2012 2:50 am ] | |||||
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |||||
I'm not going to stop believing in God however
I never said to stop believing in your god I simply said there are a lot of limiting beliefs you need to get over which your church/family had drilled and programmed into you. You can believe what you want you are your own person and have free will so what you choose to put your faith in is on you.I was talking about beliefs such as these:
My approval seeking really comes from wanted to be accepted
. As far as I can remember I wanted friends and to accepted approval seeking seems to be tied up at school. Perhaps this goes back to family life.
Not having sex is my own choice, not my parents
I already got that part figured when you said this
I'm a Christian and I want to date a Christian girl, no sex
But even though this is actually good on your part what then is truly your purpose for being on this forum. My purpose was exactly the same as yours but then I had a change in perspective. All I will say is if I am to talking to a female this would be their only purpose for me, other than that I want nothing else to do with them. Do you just want a relationship with your dream girl? |
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| Author: | Altair [ Wed May 09, 2012 9:20 am ] | |
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | |
I thought you were supposed to look out for who is joking you. Self Confidence and Indifference I lack somewhat.
Well yeah, but your missing part of it. Your like the cache or history in your internet browser you store all the information but have no real connection to it. It exists but it doesnt really matter. Without confidence and indifference you will get nowhere. Its like being a sweet racecar driver (your technical knowledge) and the car is confidence and indifference. You can be the best driver but if you have a crappy car doesnt much matter. |
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| Author: | The Kidd!! [ Wed May 09, 2012 12:30 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Re: Eye Contact | ||
I thought you were supposed to look out for who is joking you. Self Confidence and Indifference I lack somewhat.
Well yeah, but your missing part of it. Your like the cache or history in your internet browser you store all the information but have no real connection to it. It exists but it doesnt really matter. Without confidence and indifference you will get nowhere. Its like being a sweet racecar driver (your technical knowledge) and the car is confidence and indifference. You can be the best driver but if you have a crappy car doesnt much matter. 
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