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 Post subject: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:06 pm 
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Possesiveness/protectiveness/mate-guarding

In this video with bodylanguage expert Peter Collett they talk about mate-guarding:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MkoNmPB ... re=related

The part I am talking about starts at 11:30 until about the end of this part of the documentary. I have a question about this:

Is this mate-guarding/sexual possessiveness/protectiveness a good thing?

I will give you some examples to illustrate my question a little better:

Example 1
I am at a party (or at a club) and I am talking to a girl I just met. She is obviously into me as I can tell by her attraction signals. However I am really tired and I actually want to go home. Should I stay around and continue talking to her for as long as possible (say until closing time)? Or can I “safely” go home and leave her with all the other guys that want to hit on her? If she is consciously or subconsciously showing attraction signals, is she attracted to me enough so she will remember me from then on? Or have I just warmed her up and made her aroused enough for other guys to “grab” her?

Staying with her, in my eyes, would communicate insecurity on my part. If I would be really indifferent, then I would not give a fuck and me leaving her would communicate that to her. However I have had girls “taken” from me like that in the past, in spite of my indifference...

Example 2
Same situation. I am having a conversation with a girl. She seems into me. Another guy or even a friend comes along and starts talking to this girl as well. No problem. However this other guy kind of shuts me out of the conversation. Should I do my best to mingle in this conversation again (pretty needy...)? Should I just stay there (slightly indifferent)? Or walk away and start talking with someone else (really indifferent)?

Maybe it sounds like an obvious question, but I often find myself in situations like these. I also very often see guys mate-guarding their girlfriends.

So what do you guys think: Is mate-guarding a good thing to do?

Maybe it depends on the stage of the relationship?

Shouldn’t girls be mate-guarding me instead of the other way around?

Gonzo


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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:19 pm 
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Quote:
Shouldn’t girls be mate-guarding me instead of the other way around?
THIS...if you're doing it right. 8-)

When I'm out with my girl, she is ALWAYS the one trying to hold my hand, play with my hair, or otherwise show signs that I am obviously taken. I could care less to do the same, which, conveniently, gives her the space to proceed with her agenda, and makes me look like the pimp I am. :lol:

Oh...and if you've had girls 'taken' this way, then they were never yours to begin with. In fact, once you get over the idea that a woman can be 'property', and understand that she is an individual who makes her own decisions, your path to indifference will be accelerated. After all, those guys didn't 'take' her...she CHOSE them. :ugeek:

BONUS: I refer to mate-guarding as 'handcuffin'. :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:29 pm 
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I refer to it as 'pissing on', have done for years.

She is marking you as her territory to the other females.

she is pissing on you. (in a good way)

-

If you are doing it to her, you are insecure, sort that shit out.
Everyone will see it and know what it is, especially the females.

-
EDIT: Yes 'pissing on' is meant in the sense of urinating.
How animals mark their territory.
Also how women want to leave their scent all over you when you go out so other women will smell it and know you are taken when you go out.
Ironically this usually has the opposite effect as it encourages other females.

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 9:53 am 
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peregrinus wrote:
If you are doing it to her, you are insecure, sort that shit out.
Everyone will see it and know what it is, especially the females.
Then, also this is true?
If she is doing it to him, she is insecure.
Everyone will see it and know what it is, especially the males.

Then the end result would be, when both the male and the female are not insecure. That no one in the couple mateguards?

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 10:29 am 
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My opinion.
Gonzo wrote:
Example 1
I am at a party (or at a club) and I am talking to a girl I just met. She is obviously into me as I can tell by her attraction signals. However I am really tired and I actually want to go home. Should I stay around and continue talking to her for as long as possible (say until closing time)? Or can I “safely” go home and leave her with all the other guys that want to hit on her? If she is consciously or subconsciously showing attraction signals, is she attracted to me enough so she will remember me from then on? Or have I just warmed her up and made her aroused enough for other guys to “grab” her?

Staying with her, in my eyes, would communicate insecurity on my part. If I would be really indifferent, then I would not give a fuck and me leaving her would communicate that to her. However I have had girls “taken” from me like that in the past, in spite of my indifference...
Imo, This is to early to start displaying mate-guarding behaviour. Looking back, I have only started doing mate-guarding behaviour, after I had sex with a girl.
In this example, I think there haven't happened enough things for you to expect that she won't go with other guys and that she will be thinking of you. In this situation, I would maybe invite her, to come with me to another place or maybe to go to mine or her house.
Gonzo wrote:
Example 2
Same situation. I am having a conversation with a girl. She seems into me. Another guy or even a friend comes along and starts talking to this girl as well. No problem. However this other guy kind of shuts me out of the conversation. Should I do my best to mingle in this conversation again (pretty needy...)? Should I just stay there (slightly indifferent)? Or walk away and start talking with someone else (really indifferent)?
If a girl likes you, over the other guy. She will give signals to you to stay (or she will come back to you later), or make effort to shut the guy out (like for instance will stand next to you, which on view/postion will make you apear as a team. Thus asif you 2 standing against the other guy. Or she will keep looking at you, all the time. etc. (you get the deal)). So she can continue talking with/being around you; if she doesn't do any of that, then it's a bad sign.
Imo, there is no need to focus on or even think about the guy his behaviour. Just focus on her reaction.
Gonzo wrote:
I often find myself in situations like these. I also very often see guys mate-guarding their girlfriends.
Big difference from your examples is though. (I assume most of the time) these guys are fucking these girls already, or are in a (commited) relationship. And in your example, you haven't even fucked these chicks already.
Gonzo wrote:
So what do you guys think: Is mate-guarding a good thing to do?
The only "good" things about it, imo are. That the girl feels desired/wanted by you; plus if she thinks you're strong she'll probably feels more safe/protected (from danger/violence/etc). I think it's only suggestable to do, whence you and the girl are in a (commited) relationship and fucking each other.
Gonzo wrote:
Shouldn’t girls be mate-guarding me instead of the other way around?
It's agood sign if a girl does that. If you and a girl are in a relationship And she doesn't do (any) of that, it's usually imo a really bad sign.
I must say, I like the reassurance feelings it gives also, it's nice.

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:48 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
EDIT: Yes 'pissing on' is meant in the sense of urinating.
How animals mark their territory.
Also how women want to leave their scent all over you when you go out so other women will smell it and know you are taken when you go out.
Ironically this usually has the opposite effect as it encourages other females.
That makes sense, when she initiates holding hands or any other for of pda and wears strong perfume, that makes sense, I've never initiated that so I'm good.

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:25 pm 
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Thanks for your answers everyone. You guys confirm the hunch I had about this: mate-guarding communicates insecurity.

The Kidd!! wrote:
Quote:
Oh...and if you've had girls 'taken' this way, then they were never yours to begin with. In fact, once you get over the idea that a woman can be 'property', and understand that she is an individual who makes her own decisions, your path to indifference will be accelerated. After all, those guys didn't 'take' her...she CHOSE them. :ugeek:
I already thought someone was going to say this. So if I think about it: all I can really do is to just sit back and be relaxed around girls. Just being "myself", whatever that means. Then use my observation skills to see who is attracted to me and who is not. If she is, great! But I can always act on that later, no need to hurry. If she is not, well, there is nothing I can really do about it anyway... So I can just stay relaxed whatever happens. In fact the more relaxed I am, the more girls might be attracted to me? No tricks needed, other than working on being my best self, i.e. my front and my clout. Did I get that right? Please confirm.

Scarface wrote:
Quote:
Big difference from your examples is though. (I assume most of the time) these guys are fucking these girls already, or are in a (commited) relationship. And in your example, you haven't even fucked these chicks already.
Quote:
I think it's only suggestable to do, whence you and the girl are in a (commited) relationship and fucking each other.
So you are saying that it would be OK to do this in a long term relationschip? But then I would rather see it the other way around: her mate-guarding me... Wouldn't it be counterproductive if I would mate-guard her (to much)?

Peregrinus wrote:
Quote:
If you are doing it to her, you are insecure, sort that shit out.
Everyone will see it and know what it is, especially the females.
I do get insecure sometimes, but only around girls that I really like. I came here to sort that shit out! ;)

Scarface wrote:
Quote:
Then, also this is true?
If she is doing it to him, she is insecure.
Everyone will see it and know what it is, especially the males.

Then the end result would be, when both the male and the female are not insecure. That no one in the couple mateguards?
Interesting question... Anyone? ;)

Gonzo


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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:55 pm 
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Being relaxed for the sake of attracting women is not really being relaxed, nothing for the sake of women (hence at your own expense) will bear any fruit.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:50 pm 
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Gonzo wrote:
Scarface wrote:
Quote:
Big difference from your examples is though. (I assume most of the time) these guys are fucking these girls already, or are in a (commited) relationship. And in your example, you haven't even fucked these chicks already.
Quote:
I think it's only suggestable to do, whence you and the girl are in a (commited) relationship and fucking each other.
So you are saying that it would be OK to do this in a long term relationschip? But then I would rather see it the other way around: her mate-guarding me... Wouldn't it be counterproductive if I would mate-guard her (to much)?
Looking back, I have done mate guarding. Which basically is showing physical displays (like touching, kisses, huggs, etc.), and thus you stating to the other people that she is with you. I have also had girls mate guarding me.
To me, me doing mate guarding things only makes sense when I and her are with each other. To me, me doing mate guarding things only makes sense if she overall initiates at least an equal amount of it.
Gonzo wrote:
But then I would rather see it the other way around: her mate-guarding me... Wouldn't it be counterproductive if I would mate-guard her (to much)?
If she mate guards you only. Like she initiates the touch, or kiss or hugg or whatever all the time. As far as power goes then, then you clearly have the upperhand. So in that sense you are winning.
But also most likely you don't like her so much, because otherwise you would probably like to and do give her kisses, huggs and touching back.
Ideally imo, me and the chick I'm with are pretty chynchronic with our physical contacts. So no one is winning or losing, since there is more the feeling of a team instead of competition. If in the early stages and that is out off tune, going for a relationship makes no sense to me.

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:22 pm 
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Alchemist wrote:
Quote:
Being relaxed for the sake of attracting women is not really being relaxed, nothing for the sake of women (hence at your own expense) will bear any fruit.
Haha, you are right. I get what you mean. Actively forcing yourself to be relaxed would be very unnatural (is this even possible...).

But what I actually meant is: if you just sit back and observe who is attracted to you and who is not (instead of chasing girls) you would naturally become more relaxed. No?

Gonzo


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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 10:00 am 
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Gonzo wrote:
But what I actually meant is: if you just sit back and observe who is attracted to you and who is not (instead of chasing girls) you would naturally become more relaxed. No?
Yeah I guess, I was at a party last night and some girls were giving me signals, it made me more comfortable in initiating conversation because I had the green light, I don't usually rock up to people uninvited.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:12 pm 
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A recent experience which is familiar to some of you.

I was working out and this dude came in with his girlfriend, whilst checking out dumbells and she asked him if she can lift the really big ones, pointing to the 90+kg ones, he tried to say some some shit with a nervous laugh like "well yeah maybe but don't touch them".

I happened to be facing myself in the mirror and they were walking across the gym and eventually got in my view, so I noticed her looking at me, he saw this and wrapped his arm around her and ever so slightly pulled her away to his direction. There wasn't anyone else on my side of the room besides me so no coincidence there, I kept working out and at some point they were walking out and he did it again before they walk past me, in my head I was just like, dude really. :|

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."


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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:48 pm 
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Get used to it. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:51 pm 
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Alchemist wrote:
A recent experience which is familiar to some of you.

I was working out and this dude came in with his girlfriend, whilst checking out dumbells and she asked him if she can lift the really big ones, pointing to the 90+kg ones, he tried to say some some shit with a nervous laugh like "well yeah maybe but don't touch them".

I happened to be facing myself in the mirror and they were walking across the gym and eventually got in my view, so I noticed her looking at me, he saw this and wrapped his arm around her and ever so slightly pulled her away to his direction. There wasn't anyone else on my side of the room besides me so no coincidence there, I kept working out and at some point they were walking out and he did it again before they walk past me, in my head I was just like, dude really. :|
Yes I've noticed the exact same thing, but I think it's subconsious from his part.
I've noticed also that the girl will kissing him on the cheek, to call for my fucking attention or PDA'ing him in front of me. I think they're pushing me to react or something.

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 1:51 am 
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LOL Mate guarding.

Fucketh that.

*train whistle*

ALL ABOARD... THE INSECURITY EXPRESS! NEXT STOP: SYMPVILLE!

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“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . ."

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 9:05 am 
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The Pokemon Trainer wrote:
LOL Mate guarding.

Fucketh that.

*train whistle*

ALL ABOARD... THE INSECURITY EXPRESS! NEXT STOP: SYMPVILLE!
:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Mate-guarding
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 3:03 am 
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The Pokemon Trainer wrote:
LOL Mate guarding.

Fucketh that.

*train whistle*

ALL ABOARD... THE INSECURITY EXPRESS! NEXT STOP: SYMPVILLE!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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